Poem: Scifaiku - Renewal -- what do you think?

Question

Renewal

by Victoria Tarrani

(© 08.08.16)

gun metal sky lit

by orange and maroon streaks

steel shatters above

twisted braces melt

warped skyscrapers buckle;

more Möbius strips

ten thousand degrees

nuclear fission surpassed

fiery debut

Answer 1

This is superb! Each one can stand by itself and together they make a single poem of compelling drama. The title is intriguing. The poem is all about destruction, but you are talking about the Phoenix rising from the ashes. I have always wondered if the Big Bang was a one-time event or part of a cycle of destruction and renewal.    

Answer 2

This is superb! Each one can stand by itself and together they make a single poem of compelling drama. The title is intriguing. The poem is all about destruction, but you are talking about the Phoenix rising from the ashes. I have always wondered if the Big Bang was a one-time event or part of a cycle of destruction and renewal.

...oops did someone already say that... I agree.

Answer 3

i agree with the two previous answers. this work is excellent. :) compelling imagery, precise wording, multiple haikus which together form a complete picture, and a brilliant premise where the described destruction actually serves to usher in something new.

Answer 4

I don't know that I can add to the previous comments without repeating them.

This subject has probably been both overplayed in the past and overlooked in recent times.  Many years ago I viewed the films of nuclear bomb tests and watched houses explode and cars burn and avoided nightmares by telling myself that whatever happened I would be all right.

There was a time in my lifetime when we believed the only question about a nuclear war was not "if" but "when."  In my days of military service we began to see that there was no such thing as a good or painless war

By the way, ten thousand degrees would be a relatively cool temperature in the proximity of a nuclear blast.  The interior of the fireball reaches temperatures in the millions of degrees Fahrenheit.

Like a tactical nuclear warhead this is a short and powerful piece of work.

Answer 5

Excellent work.  the 2nd stanza is brilliant in its imagery.

not one wasted word throughout.  Thanks!

Answer 6

excellent! even though the cold war is long over the fear of terrorists attacking with the allusive Russian suitcase nuke's is a reality. War and Peace, the only difference is that one is fought behind the scenes.  very powerful, the association with terrorism with the "...skyscrapers buckle.." gives one pause

excellent as usual Viki!

ST

Answer 7

Great it sounds like a prophesy to me in a form of poetry!

Answer 8

Well first off I need to find out what a Scifaiku is. I have a feeling a haiku is involved. Anyway I felt this was a strong poem. very visual, I could imagine the burning and bending. I enjoyed the work, thank you

Answer 9

Interesting choices...no capital letters, parallel images in each line three, syllable count correct except for line two of stanza two..."warped" is one syllable, and if you pronounce it with two syllables, you would fall into the contrived category...and "fiery" could be pronounced "fi er ry" or "fire ry", so that one would depend on where you were from.  All in all, I think I like the second stanza best, but all have interesting images.  Nicely done.

keep writing  

Answer 10

I always admire the economy of your scifaiku, and then sit back and smile as I realize how little I truly know of this world which you paint in a canvas of colors not visible to the human eye. Ultraviolet and infrared sweeping in, boggling the mind that longs to understand, but for whom this language holds no translator.

I find the gun metal sky dimly illuminated in my hand, holding the gun which holds the distant black metal, a canvas of nothingness lit by orange and maroon streaks, the colors of alarm and dried blood, also of sunset and fine wine, pounding on the system with their twisted tangled memory and I wonder if I am looking at the distant future or a past life.

The twisted braces, are they the braces of the warped skyscrapers, or the minds of the builders, who have built a tower to heaven and must now suffer the consequences of their divine insanity as their life's work crumples to the ground.

Ten thousand degrees, what does it all matter when it is consumed by fire? Genius and insanity both forgotten in the wake of a nuclear disaster. We play with our own destruction, tempting the Fates with our belief that they no longer exist. And yet, a force beyond humanity must exist, for where does the fire come from? We did not create it, learned merely how to bring it into existence.

Ah, the questions, the grandeur, my mind suspended in wondering. Tell me, you who hold the key to this mystical language. Do I understand...or do I merely observe?

Answer 11

This is impressive. I agree that it has a feel of renewal.

Answer 12

Sounds like Armageddon plus 5 seconds or Chernobyl Remembered. very powerful imagery.