Poem Titled *Broken* Tell me what you think...I'll be posting more.

Question

**I posted this poem yesterday and someone ignorant had it removed because I retaliated to an insult she gave me. I didn't even have it up a day... thus I didn’t get a chance to see many answers, or to vote for best answer. So I am posting it again.( I wrote this for my fiance a week before I broke off the engagement)..Wich was 2 weeks ago.**

BROKEN

I reach for you, but can not touch

The part of you, I loved so much

With time passion has flown away

And empty words won’t make me stay

I give you everything you need – With nothing in return it seems

I feel disregarded – My soul is seething

The bonds of love are ever fleeting

You say you care – But you do not show it

This is not love – For I don’t know it

Three years have passed – I’ve had enough

To late to cry, my trust has sunk

To depth were “words” can not retrieve it

I’ll believe you love me when I see it

Break down this wall of things unspoken

Or we will end, and remain broken

Answer 1

This is a wonderfully put together piece.  My only critique would be in your 5th stanza.  You have a couple minor glitches in the 5th couplet/stanza (easier to show than explain)

Three years have passed---I've had enough

Too late to cry, my trust has sunk

To depths where "words" cannot retrieve it

I'll believe you love me when I see it.

Minor nitpicking in a piece that is sterling!!!!

Well done!

Answer 2

BRAVO!

A great depiction of a woman's heart shattering over time and creating a final goodbye to the one who ignored her.

Very heartfelt poem.

I like your rhythm and your rhyme.

Do you do this all of the time?

Please check mine out too...

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/?qi...

Excellent...

Answer 3

I'm not one for poetry but that was really good.  You can feel it almost, definately keep em coming :)

Answer 4

Sounds good -- to pine for a love that you refuse to give up.

Would amend 5th stanza to read:

Too late to cry, my trust has sunk

To great depths that words cannot retrieve

Last line--to rewrite for more clarity and effect.

6th stanza:

Or we end, and remain broken (till the end of time OR till eternity)

----so as not to end too abruptly.

Answer 5

Very nice job IF it was me I would change

you have       You say you care -But you do not show it

change         You say you care -But I don't see it

very good keep writing  

Answer 6

Very fine.  I have felt this way about my marriage.