Question:

Poem...Travel Sickness...please critique!!?

by Guest31984  |  earlier

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It's winter so I've got my cold back,

I wrap myself in bedsheets and stand out on the balcony,

I'm wishing you were here with me,

Cause days disappear as the tide comes and washes me away.

I'm on the road with a couple of my best friends,

But I still miss you cause the images in my heart never end,

They are like a movie suck on repeat,

The reel is my heart and it's growing way to tired!

I'm a burn out when I'm out on the road,

I've sacrificed it all for this dream of my own,

I feel selfish as I play all these shows,

While your all alone and stuck back at home.

Our kid's will grow old without their father,

I have a dream that I'm still not willing to give up.

I'm a m*******t of sorts with no feeling in my gut,

I just wanna be home for Christmas but it's looking bleak.

I buy you all the things I think you should have,

But It's such a shame that I can't buy you love.

If only the corner store in Germany,

Sold love in a gift wrapped box for cheap.

I'm stuck counting currencies rather then x and o's

Money isn't everything, trust me I'm one to know.

I'm not yet a star but I'm still known,

But these things I would give away to have you tonight.

I hate my life when it doesn't involve you,

But I love my music so I'm stuck in between.

I'm fascinated with the way you simply smile,

Hopefully on Christmas I can stay a while.

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2 ANSWERS


  1. This question and the poem are the same as the one previously answered by me. However, while I ws answering the first, it had occured to me that a traditional answer para phrasing each stanza withits hidden meaning may make it clearer a least to a normal reader :

    1)  The poet if feeling both physically and psychologically a cold. There is no warmth of the fire of love. He is like a cork on the ocean and is swayed, wahed and thrown here, because she is not hter beside him.

    2) Her the prosaic picture of a reel used as a metaphor for the heart brings home the sadness even more. he is moving with his friend on the road obviously without her. He keeps on brooding like in a loop-film, ever repeating the daydays forgotten of old that sucks.

    3) She is at home caring for children and all the small daily menial jobs, he selfishly takes the liberty to burn on the road, and keep brooding over it.

    4) The poet is an idealist fool ; he keeps ruminating over without carrying out duties as a father and a husband. Will the Christamas bring a new light for a change ?

    5) He tries to bring material gifts for the family, but without love !

    6) He wishes those bygone days to return. He is ready to sacrifice both wealth and fame just for a night. See the tragedy that his beloved is there right beside him and still the love has gone !

    7) The only comfort where he is stuck in between is his music that brings in some new harmony ; he is fascinated by her smile - which was ever present and not there ! But the Christmas will it bring back hopefully for a while that light, that fire , that lost love ?


  2. Stirring...

    .

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