Poem: What do you think of this poem? Would editing help?

Question

In the Center

by Victoria Tarrani

(© 99.07.13)

Anger colors

my vision.

It paints a

rainbow

across the horizon

that encircles me

with its

red hot center.

When the anger

fades,

perhaps the cooler

colors

will wash

like waves

across my brow.

Answer 1

The imagery of a rainbow to me does not sit well with the image of a red hot center; rainbows are the result of rain and sunshine- freshness and light, not red heat.

I would have used a word like lambent rather than red hot center.

The rest reads really well in my eye.

Answer 2

   I love it...very vivid, Bravo!

Answer 3

I like your poem.

Editing always helps every one.

Paul

Answer 4

Do you still see this way? Cooler colors seem to gather as time settles upon the anger.

Answer 5

Interesting.

I always like your description and imagery.  I think editing always helps, especially when I write, but this is one of those first rush things that may not really need it.

Answer 6

Poetry is a cleansing sponge dipped in cool water.

Answer 7

I take this as meaning that you never lose your anger at all. You need to write about why you are angry in the next part or how you are dealing with it.Perhaps.

Answer 8

It reminds me of the one of the short stories in the Stephen King book the skelton crew. Like the one called "paranoid a chant". I like this poem, its like your comparing yourself to the world.  

Answer 9

I agree with you that I can write about what I imagine others or myself to feel in given situations. But those who don't do that believe all poetry is personal.

Now, about your poetry. I don't like the association of angry colors with our God given rainbow. But I'm wondering if you are not speaking of a rainbow your angry colors make? If the latter is true, it's different and I can go alone with that, but most readers won't vision it.

Answer 10

"it paints a"



blistering sun

that boils in the core

encircling me

at the center

"when the anger

fades,"

perhaps an imagination

of cooler climates

will sooth

like serenity

releasing me free

Answer 11

Well you've obviously encountered a problem that caused anger. Usually when anger fades we can get a clearer perspective. I like this poem. I actually understand it and don't see any need to edit it. Great poem!!