Poem for my girlfriend...let me know what you think please!

Question

Hearts will separate with the blow of a kiss tonight,

I'm looking in your eyes, they are the deepest blue.

I'm a sucker for blonde hair so you had me at hello,

I'm glad that I didn't go home with you that night.

You see our love is like a puddle on the floor,

Everyone avoids it so it gives us our space,

One night could have ruined it for all our lives

But I decided to stay home...you were to drunk to drive.

Expressions flood in as the current begins,

I can't wait till we grow gray together on the beach.

Our kids can play down all of the backstreet's,

Main roads are way to overrated.

You see I've probably got cancer cause I smoke all the time,

But that's okay cause I've met the love of my life,

Soul mates is that who we are no that's to cliche

Let's just say we're in love like too complete strangers.

I sleep at night's with you by my side,

I can't help but breathe in your burning perfume.

Clouds gather as we begin to sing,

We're in love and it's not perfect,

But still it's such a beautiful thing!

Star if you enjoyed!! Thanks

Answer 1

this is the best poem!!! i think its really really cute 10outta10

Answer 2

she will love it

Answer 3

Beautiful, touching and very descriptive. Got me in the moment...

Answer 4

Whilst I think that what you're trying to express is great, you don't do it very well. The poem doesn't really flow off the tongue, but it's still good. It clearly connects with your emotions, but I think you need a little help getting those emotions out onto the paper.

If you have time, please read mine too :D

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 5

Except the title the above poem in every respect is the same as the one posted two hours earlier. In the earlier one though the word puddles is used with poetic image and expression and thus the license is fully justified in a title of a poem. Still when we compare with the later version, I felt that it was best avoided.

' Trifles make perfection ' says Michel Angelo. I believe that is fully justified by this small and yet a giant step in the fragrance and music of love.

Critique...poem for my girlfriend...Puddles!

Hearts will separate with the blow of a kiss tonight,

I'm looking in your eyes, they are the deepest blue.

I'm a sucker for blonde hair so you had me at hello,

I'm glad that I didn't go home with you that night.

You see our love is like a puddle on the floor,

Everyone avoids it so it gives us our space,

One night could have ruined it for all our lives

But I decided to stay home...you were to drunk to drive.

Expressions flood in as the current begins,

I can't wait till we grow gray together on the beach.

Our kids can play down all of the backstreet's,

Main roads are way to overrated.

You see I've probably got cancer cause I smoke all the time,

But that's okay cause I've met the love of my life,

Soul mates is that who we are no that's to cliche

Let's just say we're in love like too complete strangers.

I sleep at night's with you by my side,

I can't help but breathe in your burning perfume.

Clouds gather as we begin to sing,

We're in love and it's not perfect,

But still it's such a beautiful thing!