Poem i did.. honest feedback please?

Question

I had a dream

It was black and white

You were by my side

I was filled with fright

You comforted me

But no comfort would come

I cried your name

And you were gone

I was all alone

with my heart and soul

I whispered 'please'

But my voice; you stole

I could not speak

So I screamed instead

Nothing came out

Words filled my head

My mind shattered

And I woke up

I looked around

and began to sob

You were really gone

I had not dreamed

You broke my heart

Or so it seemed

I went back to sleep

Maybe your face

Will appear again

and we'll take place.

i don't really care what you say about it.. be honest.

also i had a dumb song stuck in my head when i was writing it and so it messed it up a little bit

thanks for your opinions =]

Answer 1

The 5th verse has no rhyme and the last line makes no sense, but overall...not bad.

Answer 2

wow,

that was honestly really good. i'd give it a 9/10

Answer 3

i loved it

it brought a little water to my eyes

wow, it was beautiful

and i am not just saying that

and i also very rarely look ay poetry so kudos to you!

---libra4ever1004---

Answer 4

good

Answer 5

i actullay think it wz good u cant really find good poems anymore

Answer 6

i think its good honest. I am a thinking person as my teachers always tell me and that ment something dear to me i think 10 out of 10 to you. carry on writing them you never no you may become famous from it.

Answer 7

There are some parts where words were chosen just for the sake of having them rhymed with some other words. But all in all, it's a good one.

Answer 8

I enjoyed it. The latter part toward the end needs some tweaking. I am not a poet thus I cannot suggest what exactly to do. But with a little tweaking - I think it will be great.

Answer 9

It was good!! Its hard to really critic something that should come from the authors heart :)

Answer 10

Its sad.. but its okay..

You need to revise a few lines of it, (latter part). =]

Nice though!

Answer 11

It's good :D. I can picture images when reading.

Answer 12

i am sorry for you that that happend to you and like previously said it is heard to critique a poem or story that came from your heart<my mom does it all the time> but except for the last part it was beautifully sad and i thoroughly enjoyed it.

Answer 13

I love it! I especially like poems that are written this way, the four verses rhyming every other time .. I write all my poems this way. ROCK ON!! :]]

Answer 14

wow that was really good.

i liked it

besides the last stanza

i had to read it a couple times

try re-wording it or something

but amazing:)