Poem i just made, what do you think?

Question

Pathetic are we, powerless as well

without proper guidance and sensible manners

we would dive headfirst into h**l

but be as it were, and be as it may

we're not so unlucky it seems

for we have the touch of a sensible woman

to guide us headfirst to our dreams

instead of the bullets that rage through our bodies

she gives us her loving , ignoring our frailties

instead of the system that betrays our fathers

she gives us more flowers, more beautiful flowers

flowers that grow and grow, and carry on our stories

Of love, hatred, lust, and despair

She carries all of this on her back and once more

she is all in this world that is right and is fair

she is all in this world which we need not abhor

Answer 1

i like it a lot, but you should try not to rhyme.

i'm not trying to insult you because your poetry is really good how it is but remember that you don't have to rhyme.

yes, poetry doesn't have to rhyme.

just look up some nonrhyming poets. william carlos williams. t s eliot. sylvia plath.

some of the best poems do not rhyme.

if you don't rhyme, you have no boundaries, and that is what poetry is all about.

Answer 2

Haven't seen anything like this since the chants of the great Starhawk http://pokerpulse.com/news/viewtopic.php... It's very unusual in patriarchal almost completely g*y western culture to ascribe such power to a female image. You must be fun to drink and carouse with. Carry on!

Answer 3

h**l is full of people with proper table manners.