Poem i wrote, feedback please?

Question

Majestic Birds

Majestic Birds

With wings of gold

Beautiful Birds

Striking, agile, and bold

Birds of prey

Soaring through the sky

You can surely tell

They are proud to fly

In the air

Heading west

Coming to show us

Who is best

Coming closer

Birds of steel

Oh my god,

This can't be real!

Their job is done

Proudly they die.

Two now fall,

With death to defy

If you want

To know their name

They are called Hate,

The ones to blame

Tell me what yah think. I put this up because my other poem seemed to get good feedback: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiRuMcKZWVjbdH2KLlHNtbxp.Bd.;_ylv=3?qid=20080703103727AAegfsk

Feel free to post there too

Answer 1

That was incredible. It was really good. I can't wait to see more of your work. If all of your poems are like this, then you have a talent that most people don't. GOOD JOB!!

Answer 2

great job!!!really enjoyed it!!!!!

Answer 3

thats very swell i am also a poet, i really admire that poem easy to read good job

Answer 4

That is bloody brilliant. I love it. You really have a rare talent, wow!

Answer 5

Lol. Thats a really nice poem, Impressive.  Except it doesnt easily flow.  I'd put it:

Majestic Birds

Wings of gold

Beautiful Birds

Agile and bold

Birds of prey

Soaring the sky

You can tell

They're proud to fly

In the air

Heading west

To show us

Who is best

Coming closer

Birds of steel

Oh my god,

This can't be real!

Their job is done

They proudly die.

Two now fall,

With death defy

If you want

To know their name

They are called Hate,

The ones to blame

Thats how i wud put it but awesome job anyways!!!!

Answer 6

Excellent, and your point is very well made.  Congratulations!

Answer 7

Well done I am speechless

You have far to go, but  little swan your in control

your poem is great the earth shall sake and you

my swan great poems shall continue to create

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Very good.  It seems you have a lot on your mind.  One suggestion:  Capitalize the name of God.  He is our almighty Father in heaven and not to be fooled around with. I have read your other poem too.   Feel free to ask if something is bothering you.

Answer 10

i like it ! are you getting published or writing for hobby? ever way it is good.