Poem in response to a question... what do you think of the challenge?

Question

No Point of no Return

by Victoria Tarrani ((c) 08.06.28 -- aka Tori.)

The sleep of the dead,

a narcoleptic said,

is when I do not know

my eyes have even closed.

Somnambulist across the way

has tripped and fallen into the hay

she won't recall how she landed there

when she awakes to a large group stare.

Insomniac watches the sleepers phase

her thoughts can't stop wandering the maze

mysteries hide in leafy caves

she walks and thinks for many days.

No one has found the point of no return

because it doesn't exist; there's more to learn.

Each must find their own peace and rest

understanding their sleep pattern is the best.

~~ end ~~

Answer 1

i liked it. wow. i'm impressed that you can come w/such good stuff on the fly,but i'm no real critiquerbut i enjoyed it especially the insomniac line.

Answer 2

It started out great and ended up less so towards the end but it was still realy good I'd give it an eight out of ten

Answer 3

First, you need to have a sleep pattern before you can understand it. My pattern seems to have disappeared.  Good poem!

Answer 4

Interesting.  You should look for a sleep aid, I think.  It seems to be a common theme in your writing, and you seem to want more sleep.

Seriously, I enjoyed your word play.  Nice analysis of insomnia and somnambulism in an entertaining format.

Answer 5

This is Good, I knew you would come out with another one, very well written.

Answer 6

try to find at http://www.digibookssell.com/poet.html

Answer 7

A very good comparative poem.  Each state has its unique drawbacks.  And one must learn to adapt and live in peace with a background of calm.  I wonder if or how it is done?

Answer 8

Interesting 'argument' - as ever, expressed in your usual quirky style.  I'll eschew suggesting a few amendments - since I'm never sure whether you deliberately strike discordant notes (a la Ted Hughes) - or just lose the rhythm.

I'm far too traditional (old-fashioned ?) to comment sensibly. Sleep patterns are unique to each of us, despite the need (more often than not) to fit into the strictly governed 24/7 tick-tock of the clock.

Good theme - but not exactly my scene - if you know what I mean.  (x*x)

PS - like the title-one of your best clashes of opposite ideas.

Answer 9

`Leafy caves' is an astonishing image.  The insomniac is clearly the hero/ine of this enjoyable poem; but I feel the `moral' in the last line is a little bit of a mismatch for the delightful motley triptych of the first three stanzas.