Poem in search of critique

Question

Turns out I missed the last verse last time I posted it:

Cliché Little Girl

Disgraced, misplaced, a little angel far away

Bloody hands, footsteps in the sand

Her light a wave, crashing into infinity

Cliché little girl

Your dreams are broken and

Your wings are furled

Cliché little girl

Your innocence was never meant to last

Life

Is the dance she loves to lead

Is the hope she dies to deceive

Is the dream she longs to feel

She bleeds, without feeling

Her hope is losing ground

She screams at the ceiling

Her nightmares are unbound

Cliché little girl

Your dreams are broken and

Your wings are furled

Cliché little girl

Your innocence was never meant to last

Hold onto your tears and close your eyes

Bleed your fears, let the sun now rise

Unfurl your wings, it's time to die

Answer 1

Wonderful poem. I think you are thoughtful and your soul is thick in it's craft. Superb. Well Done. Please write more.

Answer 2

I really like this. Because you use Cliche as a device--you can get away with using some in a fresh way. This is a well done poem.

A few comments:

L3: Do you need the comma there?

L4-8 (along with it's repeated strophe): You could chose to make a few minor cuts without hurting anything. You could cut:

L4: and

L8: was

L10-12: You could cut "is" in every instance if you wanted to.

L13-16: You could (don't have to of course) pull She up as its own line like you did with Life in the above strophe. If you do that you would have to reword lines 14 and 16 so that it is she as the lead in other than her--but that wouldn't be too difficult. You would also be able to cut the she in front of L15

L17-21: See Lines 4-8

L22-25: Maybe do a lead in line like simply: "Little girl"

You could cut:

L22: onto

Great last line.

Enjoyable poem. I hope some of these comments are helpful to you.

Answer 3

wow.

thats deep.

but its awesome!

good job   (:

Answer 4

No one but the artist can truly judge the artwork.

Thats what I've heard anyways!

This poem has a strong voice, and a very heavy mood.

It doesn't go on forever like some poems of similar styles, but is long enough to keep the reader enticed until the end. (Or me at least)

The ending is very strong as well - to the point, a little edgy and stragely satisfying

You picked a very touchy subject and it seems you came away with an excellent piece of work. Well done.