Poem. is it any good? does it make any sense?

Question

Is there anyone there?

Do they really care?

Or am I alone?

Do they hear me when I cry

And then decide to pass on by?

Can anyone tell me in truth

That they care?

When I need them most

Will they be there?

Oh where is that shoulder to weep on?

Where is that comforting hand?

When all I have to dwell on,

Is this bitter, harsh, cold land.

Please tell me that someone is out there,

Please tell me that I'm not alone,

For the bitterest of things is,

Tears shed on stone.

Answer 1

It's kind of fragmented and lacks a good rhythm.  But I do understand the feeling you are trying to convey.

Answer 2

i like it it expresses how you feel, and don't worry your not alone.

Answer 3

It does sound really good, not to complicated or too simple, just right, and i agree with the first answer, it does sound like your lonely, could you help em with mine please?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

Oh that is really good! I can closely relate to your (implied) loneliness. And that last line was really genius: "For the bitterest of things is tears shed on stone." - Like I said, this is really really good. Keep writing : )

Answer 5

its really good. sounds like you are lonely

Answer 6

Very coherent.  You lose the meter in the second to last line.

It goes "BAH-duh -BAHduhdum-dum BAH dum," when it should go "buh BAH duh duh BAH(duh) duh BAH duh".

The meter and flow of the final two stanzas is very different from the rest of the poem, but the message and tone are largely the same, so there's no reason for the stylistic distinction.  

If each stanza had a different meter it might help give a feeling of disconnection to emphasize the reality you speak of.  

If I was writing this poem I would speak of the disconnection in non-rhyming stanzas, relying heavily on imagery and maybe some metaphor, then speak of my need for connection in regular, rhyming stanzas.  That's maybe more experimental but it's a direction for you to explore.

You seem to like the word "bitter".  I would replace the first "bitter" with something else - "barren", maybe.

Anyway it's quite a solid poem, could be more emotionally effective with some more imagery but it gets its message across.  I like the tears shed on stone image.