Poem...please critique Thanks..Oceans mean nothing

Question

I'm sleeping in the gutter that leads to the bay,

And the coastline sky leaves me with something to say,

'Hello my good friend may you spare me a smoke

I would buy you a pack but my wallets broke.'

I'm transfixed on the evolution of the soul,

And I am losing what it was I though I know,

Your love is a bird cause it flies all the time,

But your no pigeon cause you never come back.

I'm a mess a total distraction to who I used to be,

I light a match in the summer because I'm freezing,

What I could do if I could get over my poetry,

Maybe I could smile..or even learn to be.

I'm drinking vodka and it's only 7am,

It's not the best way but it still is living,

Even if I could replace this face with a smile,

It would only be able to last a while.

My heart's in a shell with the goodness inside,

Like a fucckkin m&m my heart is learning to hide.

I've lost my sense of stability and my family,

Oh well at least I still have my poetry.

I wanna replace this face with a cardboard cutout,

Of the ocean and all of it's beauty,

I scream causing it's endless waves,

So Tonight I guess I will learn to be okay.

Answer 1

I like it. It sounds like its got passion and i think its good =]

Answer 2

It's nice. ^ ^

Answer 3

wow this is wow i mean it could explain someone in pain of a lose of friends and family but wanting to see the side of good life and is wanting and need to be happy but he drounds him slef and blames himself for many things i think even if i dont have this right its the best poem ive read all night.!

Answer 4

i really like it

its sad, desperate but really moving

i love modern poetry, yknow the stuff thats easier to understand

but wow

your rhymings great too

good work

Answer 5

This is an amazing poem with great flow, but it needs less syllables in each line. Keep up the good work.  

Answer 6

I love the bohemian elements to this poem. Keep writing. When I sing it out loud there are beat problems tho... maybe I'm not getting it the way it's meant to be. I find it easier to read aloud when I drop a few syllables out of each line.

Sleepin in the gutter that leads to the bay

Coastline sky leaves me with nothin to say

Hello my friend, spare me a smoke

I'd buy you a pack but my wallets broke