Poem....what do u think....opinions plz?

Question

kind of an old poem...

I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness

and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under

I yell for help but no one is there to hear it

I begin to see the water at eye level

and I kick and flail

fighting to stay above the darkness

But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me

and I slowly begin to give in

to the feeling that lies below the water line

the waters starts to fill my lungs

the lungs that once held so much life

yet now they allow the murky water to replace that

I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness

But why doesn't someone grab my hand

pull me from darkness's grasp?

because no one knows I stand at the boundary

the boundary between light and dark

so I give in to the thing that holds me

All of the strength and all of the courage

that I once held in my heart

can't save me from the water

So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness

undetected by the occupants of that world

I don't want to fight anymore

I've given into darkness

Answer 1

Its really really good but try to use a diffrent word than darkness