Poem:Please critque for me?

Question

I'm going to make myself a friendship and paint it all over my world.

I'll take a song from every bird and have them sing it just for you.

birds have a way to show us on how to be free

I'm not going to get involved with this worlds madness when I can be free.

I'm going to take this worlds scenic beauty and paint a picture for you,

this world has a madness and why should you.

i'll capture the magnificence of infinity and give it to you, out of chaos there is order just for you.

nature paints itself with beauty just for you, so let's call our day morning for now on.

Answer 1

WHY SHOULD PEOPLE YOU WHEN UR SO LOVING

VERY NICE

Answer 2

the grammer needs just a little work for eg: the 2nd line; to show us how to be free leaving on out. the 6th line needs to better fit with the 5th line. look over your 2nd and 7th line (the best structured along with still getting your feelings out nicely. your poem does express your talent and with just a bit of polishing up will be great. keep on writing!

Answer 3

You, you, you, you. Too many yous...where's ME (my favourite subject) in all this?

Keep the day job.