Poem??good?

Question

mom why did you do what you did

to my life you closed the lid

i try to focus to stay on track

but i wonder and forget the facts

stare at the walls hours on end

get so angry i have no friends

old enough but i feel like i am ten

hope this hurts and never mends

Answer 1

I enjoyed this, though the language was rather simplistic. Either way, you got your message across just fine. I made a few grammatical corrections (I hope you don't mind):

Mom, why did you do what you did?

On my life, you closed the lid.

I tried to focus, to stay on track,

But I wandered, and forgot the facts.

I stare at the walls, hours on end,

So angry that I have no friends.

I'm old enough, but feel as if I'm ten,

Hope this hurts, and never mends.

Overall, I would work at your grammar and vocabulary until you're perfect. ^^ There's always room for improvement, so I suggest improved transitions, imagery, and depth.

Good luck. <3

Answer 2

nice rythm, and yes make the grammatical corrections the previous poster said. This hits me on a personal level, as you know. Stay Strong

Answer 3

yep

Answer 4

honestly no they scare me