Question:

Poems I wrote. Critique?

by  |  earlier

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They're both currently untitled, so help with that would be appreciated as well. This isn't much like what I usually write (different style), so forgive me if they seem a little immature.

She swings, she swings,

Desiccated corpse as old as time

She snarls, she snarls,

rotten teeth and blood red eyes

She breathes, she breathes,

suddenly fair skin is wrinkle free

She blinks, she blinks,

her eyes turning sapphire blue

She smiles, she smiles,

no one cares for your dying screams

She swings, she swings,

waiting for another corpse to keep

Epicenter,

Spiraling outwards

Counting slowly, 1, 2, 3

Waiting closeby for opportunity

Ripples,

Travelling outwards

Counting quickly, 4, 5, 6

Chasing impossible realms

Dream,

Centering inwards

Quickly, slowly, 7, 8, 9

Digging deeper into forever

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3 ANSWERS


  1. They are better then amateur, but I can't find the message/thee. I kinda need that to nae a poem...


  2. Wonderful poem. I am impressed by your animation

  3. is this about murder, or necrophilia?

    but its a very good poem.

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