Poem:tell me wat ya think?

Question

ya i was bored one night and wrote this!

we are called to make a stand

to bring hope to this broken world

heel the scars, hold the hands

bring life to those once killed

just tell the truth

correct the lies

save shattered youth

save their lives

there are tears that wont be cried

there is love that goes unspoken

there is emptiness inside

we are broken, broken, broken

there is more to being empty

to seeing life thru the tears

and the laughter still ringing out

from long ago years

but they pour out their hearts like rain

our help can do no hard

we find out way thru all the pain

to write love on her arms.

-this is just about how broken the world is and how we need 2 fix it

Answer 1

This is bloody fantastic! You have a rare talent. Oh my, this is just so evocative!

Answer 2

the first two stanzas were my favorite.

I completely agree with you.

our world is coming down fast,

and we do need to fix it,

but

there is only so much we can do : ' (

Answer 3

Interesting poem.

I think your message would be stronger if you used an active voice, rather than passive.  For example, you wrote:

there are tears that wont be cried

there is love that goes unspoken

there is emptiness inside

we are broken, broken, broken

This would be stronger without the "there is"s and the "there are"s:

tears will not be cried

love will go unspoken

emptiness inside

we are broken, broken, broken

I liked your poem a lot, or I wouldn't bother to try to help you make it better.

Answer 4

i like it