Poetry, please rate =]

Question

On the table

cards scattered

colorful chips decorates

and makes it playful

There sits two players

that stares at each other

very deceitful

the psychology at vast potential

by these people, intense as the prespiration at a gun point

a feet and mouth that makes no noise

both of them at the verge of bursting out with joy

Does his confident look come from the royal flush he has?

or is it the pair in his hand that puts the conceited mask on

I wish that i could ask him so i could just win

but his eyes deep inside tells me hes bluffing this one

"call"

and oh! I just lost all chips and its my fault!

what do you think? thnks

Answer 1

It sounded more like descriptive narration, like those TV shows.U gave a two dimensional picture, almost static, where the end was foreseen by the viewer ( reader).The topic is very important issue here. Choose one that U can make 3-d dynamic ( live) picture, w/ elements that leave space 4 the reader to speculate.However, I can see that U R persistent, so keep on writing, and read more of prominent poets.Look for more inspiring topics.Good luk.

Answer 2

poetry is an art to tell more in less words,not less in more words.

Answer 3

its pretty good... but the only thing i would suggest is take one type of poem and stick to it. sometimes it has a rhyme scheme and sometimes its free verse. very well written though! 8 out of 10!

Answer 4

Its good, but clean it up and perfect it and then it will be, well, perfect.