Poetry...advice/criticism please?

Question

Its a fools dream, love

You'll watch your wishes go up in smoke

It's a dream from which only hurt is provoked

Its a fools dream, love

Your heart will be reduced to nothing

Your mind will burn in an endless fire

h**l is something one would more quickly desire

Then the torture of a fools dream, love

Your pride will be bruised

and laughs will be few

As you go on the journey to recover

God bless those who discover

The heartbreak of a fools dream, love

Answer 1

Very good and argumentive.  Only one thing isn't h**l eternally torment...burning in flame?  So, it would be better to live rather then spending the rest of eternity burning in fire and grim stone.

Answer 2

thats a beautiful poem.  No advice needed.

Answer 3

This is very good,it would make a Great song lyrics

Answer 4

Sweetheart, love is the most beautiful part of life.  You are not alone.  Everyone experiences heartache.  It is this portion of love that enriches your life to a higher understanding.  You must learn from this lesson in love and move on.  Know that the Lord has greater Love in store for your life.  It is not the end; only the beginning.  You will look back on this, and chuckle to yourself and say, "Oh, how foolish I was, back in the day!"

At 60 years old,I can say this so many times over!  Smile and know the the Lord is smiling down on you! :)  This too, shall pass!

Answer 5

Your message was clear, the flow was pretty good, I guess you need a good title now.   How about :

Not a Smooth Journey

Fool's  Journey

Journey of a Fool

Cheers!!!