Poetry beginning critique please

Question

I'm working on a very difficult poem. What I have so far I really like. There is a bit more, but trying to fit it to form is proving to be incredibly difficult. I would like to get some opinions on what I have so far. Thanks.

Death's Kiss

The weeping is haunting, relentlessly chaunting, but I remain still as my brother

His corpse on the ground is the source of this sound; and I wonder of my missing mother.

My brothers and father start digging with care,

I sharpen my knife and begin to prepare.

I know who is guilty, whose lives I will take.

I'll not rest ‘til I find my dear mother.

I commence with the chase, set a vigorous pace; my steed gallops faithfully onward.

My vision is steady, my purpose made ready, and I, the grim reaper, move forward.

With saddle horn grippéd, my scythe at my side,

I head into battle with death as my bride.

No, nothing shall interrupt what I have planned.

I’ll herd them to h**l like The Shepherd.

Answer 1

This is extraordinary.

Reverting to the archaic form of chant to create anachronistic details of a time when death rode a dark horse.  It reminds of the short-short story where death has an appointment in another town (which has slipped my mind) with a man trying to outrun death, and is going to that town.

Only suggestion would be to make shorter lines, broken into stanzas.  This will give your poem a clipped, fast feeling as death is riding.

T.

Answer 2

The march of the Grim reaper. Very difficult very morbid

Answer 3

well i say that this is something that could make great progress i love how its so intense how much you just dont want to take your eyes off it it makes me want to just be there and help the guy find his mother and kill i think you keep this up you'll have something great.