Polite way to deal with in-laws over unsafe baby gift?

Question

I'm going to have a baby soon. My MIL, upon learning that my mom wants to give me a gently used crib, threw a fit and declared I needed a new one. (What I really need is diapers, I told her, but she was adamant that her grandson deserves only a new crib! I honestly couldn't argue with that logic.)

So a few days ago, my in-laws brought over a crib and assembled it in the baby's room. I was speechless when I saw it. It is rusty, rickety, loud, unsturdy, missing a piece on the railing and has a tar-like substance on it. The mattress has large rips in several places and smells like unwashed dogs & urine. It's going into the trash next garbage day. I'm not one of those people that needs everything new and matching--but I do need everything safe and clean.

Now, how do I tactfully explain the whereabouts of this crib to my in-laws when they come over and see another crib? I feel terribly insulted and marginalized, but I truly don't wish to start a feud.

Answer 1

You get your husband to tell him Mom that while you guys appreciate the thought you're going to use the first crib.

Dismantle it.....and he should ask her if she'd like to have it back or pass it along to someone else.

The someone else....=trash bin.

Answer 2

When you go to the store to get your baby a crib, look for one that is identical or at least similar to the crib your inlaws brought over. That way, you can avoid them asking questions. But if there is no possible way to avoid it and they ask you about the crib they brought over, then I'd tell them the truth. Try to avoid it by getting a safe and stable crib identical to theirs, but if you can't, then yeah, be honest and say that the crib they brought over won't cut it. I'm actually surprised that she would bring a dirty abused crib when she is insisting your baby has a new crib. It's very strange to me. But look for a similar or identical crib to try to avoid questioning, but if they question, then be truthful and honest with them and tell them where their crib is and why.

Answer 3

Since they insisted you have a new one just tell them you feel it is unsafe and it is also not your taste. You can use several excuses such as it doesn't match the decorating for the baby room or you found one you like better. Tell them you appreciate the thought but you would love the chance to pick your baby's crib yourself because its something very special to you. If they throw a fit or get angry there isn't anything they can do about it. You have to do whats best for your baby. If all else fails have a "Crying fit" and then later blame it on hormones. lol or go on a "shopping spree" were you find the best crib ever and blame that on the hormones. I know several women that deal with bad baby gifts that way.

Answer 4

I think you tell them a "friend" purchased a new one for you...let your Mom do it and get her in on the " white lie".  Tell them you appreciated it, but couldn't refuse a new one.  DO always put your child first - if the in-laws are upset, chances are they will get over it.  I had some of these issues with my kids, too, but I did what was best for the children, not the in-laws.

Answer 5

I don't get it. Your mother in law insisted that you have a new crib, then brought over this obviously used and abused piece of garbage? How strange.

Just tell her the truth. Tell her you insist that everything for your new baby be safe, and a dirty, rickety, beat-up crib will not cut it. Focus on the safety of the thing. She can't get upset that you want to protect your child.

Answer 6

if its as bad as you just explained i would tell them exactly where it is and that you didnt appreciate them bringing that trash to your house so maybe next time they'll think twice before giving you trash to give to your baby.

Answer 7

Your details are a little confusing, you want a new or gently used as long as its up to standards crib, but you MIL gave you a rusty looking one even though she demanded you have a new one? I'm thinking you were the one demanding a new one not her? So if that is the case and she brought you some kind of crib you would need a  tetanus shot before touching and of coarse you're gonna throw it out, but how to be nice about it.  I would say one of two things either I would say while decorating the thing just collapsed or I would try to get my mom in on it and say she had already purchased you a crib, the one you really wanted but couldn't afford or something like that. Best of luck, try to get your husband to help you with this one.

* well in this case be truthful with her, tell her that you prefer your family heirloom! Make sure your husband backs you up on this, maybe he should tell his mom that the thing stunk! Seriously make sure you husband helps you out with this, that will avoid any feud.

Answer 8

Just explain to them that your mother gave you  a good crib which is also an heirloom. Just explain that crib was offered before they brought the used one from a flea market over.

This is your child and your life and if they do not understand, then they are just overbearing controlling folks and your husband should be the one to stand up to them.

Edit: If they are allowed to have their way in this matter, it will set the course for them to control you and your family in many matters in the future.

Answer 9

When my MIL found out I was going to have a baby she wanted to get me a bassinet.  I told her thank you and the one she got was used and the mattress was used and soiled.  then my mother offered me the bassinet I used as a child.  I told my MIL about the other bassinet my mother offered.  I could tell she was hurt by it but when I told it was mine as a child she did not say much.  It is your baby and you need to make sure he is as safe as possible no matter who feelings you hurt.  You should just tell your MIL the truth if she is upset up it that is her problem.

Answer 10

I would quietly but FIRMLY tell your MIL that you appreciated the gift but you will be using the other crib as it is a family heirloom. Stand strong for your baby's sake. Get your husband to take them aside and put forward this also.

If you give in to this now you will have her riding roughshot over your baby's needs forever.

Either that or get someone VERY large to sit on it and then you can truthfully say it "broke".

Answer 11

I would NOT throw it away. This is why: If it is a family heirloom you have just placed yourself in a SUPER bad way. If it was me I would 'look online'. See that the bed was not going to pass safety standards and you can't use it. That way your being honest and no one else has to worry about her passing it on to them. I would also have your HUSBAND tell her. That way she may take it a bit better. But if you throw it out even with the 'white lie' that someone else suggested, she very well may want it back.

I'm sure she wasn't thinking it was in horrible condition or she wouldn't have given it to you. I think she may have truly thought it was a great gift. Perhaps something passed down from generation to generation. THAT is why I wouldn't throw it away. I would offer it back to her. Perhaps let your husband say "Mom, I was looking online and that crib is way out of date on the safety aspect, so we are going to get a different one to keep lil Johnny/Suzy safe. I'm sure you understand and wouldn't want to put them at risk. Though it was a wonderful gesture of you to offer it. We just want the baby to be safe. SOOO would you like this back or would you rather we got rid of it?". That way you don't look bad. AND she can't argue with the safety part.