Politely declining bar invites?

Question

I'm tired of going out to bars. I rarely drink alcohol and frankly I just don't see any reason to sit around and drink expensive pop and watch others get drunk and make asses of themselves. My friends and coworkers keep inviting me out to bars. I don't want to be antisocial, but I honestly get sick and tired of being DD, as well as seeing my friends make asses of themselves, and end up having to babysit a bunch of drunks. It's not like I'm in my 20's anymore either. I'm 41 and there's got to be more to life than going to bars and drinking.

I think I may come across as judgmental, but I really don't give a dang what they do as long as it doesn't negatively affect me, and when I'm always stuck being DD or babysitting, it negatively affects me.

I'm just tired of dealing with it and would rather find more productive things to do with my time than babysit a bunch of drunks who can't moderate themselves enough to drive home safely. Is there a polite, nonjudgmental way of telling them this?

Answer 1

Sure is. “Gee thanks for the invitation, but I already have other plans.”

You don’t have to explain further – and honestly, scrubbing your bathroom is WAY better use of your time than babysitting a bunch of drunks.

And yes, there will be times when you simply cannot beg off. When that occurs, tell them you can only stay for a little while. Drive yourself. Drink your single glass of pop; make your goodbyes and leave with a smile.

Finally, when it’s an all-nighter that you cannot get away from – someone’s bachelor/bachelorette party, for example; have the bartender mix orange juice and soda water in the biggest tankard they have. The antioxidants in the OJ will help counteract that hung-over feeling you get from second hand smoke and you’ll be kept pretty hydrated – again, helping to counter the next-day yuckies.

But the key is to meet people at the bar – not go as a group. When you’ve drunk your glass of pop, make your goodbyes and go.

Answer 2

Stay polite when you decline, but do realize they are just using you as the designated driver / babysitter of drunks. Let them find a new patsy. They already disrespect you, why let them exploit you as well? You are neither judgmental nor antisocial, just unwilling to continue enabling their behavior.

Answer 3

Tell them your AA sponsor doesn't want you to go. Suggest a coffeehouse instead.

Answer 4

I feel the same way you do.  There is no easy answer but, you might try just telling them the truth.  You could say, "You know, I rarely drink and I just don't enjoy going to bars; they are too loud.  I'd rather go out with you to a restaurant some evening so we can have a real conversation.  I enjoy your company but in a bar, I don't feel like we can really talk."  Good luck.

Answer 5

Suggest going to dinner or something, instead.  If they insist on the bar, just tell them no thanks.  You don't need to justify yourself.  

Answer 6

I would just tell them those drinking days are over for you (if there were any) and the bar scene is not for me.  People never really understood why I didn't like the bar scene but they quit asking after a few times of telling them it wasn't for me.  I understand where you're coming from.

Answer 7

If you don't say something they might think you are anti social. I think you should either tell them the truth or say you are giving up alcahol due to health reasons and don't want to go to the pub in case you get tempted or something like that

Answer 8

Not really... best thing is to just decline and say you have other plans for the evening.  If they ask about your plans, you can say you have stuff to catch up on at home. They'll nod in understanding as everyone these days has "stuff" to catch up on at home. If they persist and say, "Oh just come for a little while" then you reply, "Thanks, but really, I can't tonight. Some other time, OK?"

Hope this is helpful!

Answer 9

If you are designated driver all the time, you should really ask yourself how sincere your friends are when they say they want your company.  Sounds like they are looking for a free cab driver.  I've been there and done that...don't feel bad, don't let them make you feel guilty, or that somehow they couldn't possibly have as much fun without you.  If they beg and plead, it's because they don't want to give up beer money to pay for a cab.  Approach it from that perspective.

Kudos...I also find no fun in sitting around annoying drunks.  There's a whole world out there!

Answer 10

tell them that your doctor put you on an organic diet and you can only drink a green or black tea that you need to brew in your home. Also, that your doctor placed you on a special exercise routine. this is a polite way of saying no  and do not participate in their bar scene anymore.