Poll: ALL things being equal, would you rather be adopted or raised by your biological parents?

Question

Seriously, all things kept the same. Except the fact of adoption. If nothing else would change (love, support, money, etc.), would you prefer to be raised by parents that had given birth to you or parents that had adopted you.

Answer 1

ok

i dont live with my real parents

and im not adopted and i live in a home where im treated the same as every one, ive been living with them for 11 years and i call them mom and dad, and if ur BIRTH parents are screwed up y would any one wanna live with them? like serously????

Answer 2

Well Phil, obviously if all things were equal and I never got to know and bond with my adopted family and thus would suffer no pain or loss in never knowing them then of course Id choose biological parents but I wonder what we learn from such an obvious an fanciful query.  

Of course in this situation, particularly in this situation, things are never equal.  In fact they usually aren't even in the same park.

In reality I would choose the family who would provide me with the best net yield of love and other benefits to set me up for the most positive life experience I can get.  Love, identity, stability and yes to a lesser degree but still a valid point,  financial benefit and family connection all need to weigh in.  

In my case, retrospectively, identity and the answers to all those questions we all ask turn out NOT to be a fair trade for the love, stability and benefit inherent in hailing from a functional, loving family that just happens to also fit into a  MUCH higher socioeconomic strata, ie the good schools, extracurricular education and family connections, travel etc... certainly turned out to be a better deal for me.

I am still coming to terms with the revelations of my first contact and face to face meeting with my sister 3 weeks ago.   All I can say is I am INCREDIBLY thankful for how my life has turned out as an adopted person.

Assuming all things really are equal is not fair to any adoptive parents because they can never be equal.  If we actually made the assumption that genetics were also equal then its simply an invalid question and carries no meaning and if we assume that that one little but oh so important detail is NOT the same then there can be NO EQUALITY to base a decision on.  

I'm sorry, I know its a round about way of turning your question out but you have implied that its not about our specific sets of parents but more of a rhetorical question and that just doesn't allow for any fair comparo at all.  If however I have mistaken the intent of your question and you do mean for us to compare based on personalities?  Then Its easily my adopted parents.  Even though I disagree with them on so many levels when it comes to issues like religion and many social mores etc, I still consider them to be two of the most incredible people I have ever met.  They are intelligent, kind and generous and while they hold many different views from me it is they who allowed me to develop freely those contentious opinions and so long as I based them on real thought and meaningful consideration they always supported me and allowed me to reach and develop those views without ANY condemnation or attempt to make me feel like I had to conform or be their apple not far from the tree.  To the casual observer I may not be all that much like them but I am who and what I am because they taught me to stand up and learn to think for myself and to be confident in my ability and right to do so.  I wouldn't trade in my family for anything or anyone.

Answer 3

Dear Phil,

As I have mentioned in another post, I was very nearly an adoptee myself. My Mom thought about letting my Aunt raise me because my Aunt is infertile.They are close to the same age and have always been "equal" in terms of finances, status, etc. While I LOVE my Aunt  - who would have been a great parent to me, (and was going to be my a-mom) I am SO glad I was raised by my parents! (Aunt Sally and Mom decided against it - TOGETHER.) I have a lot in common with Aunt Sally but my mom and I are so alike that I think it would have been difficult to grow up without her. As hard as she tries there are just some things that Aunt Sally and I would never have understood about each other. I am much happier being Sally's "un-daughter" and my parents kid. I hope I make all of them proud.

BTW, Aunt Sally opted for a million fur and foster kids and she is satisfied with and has done a wonderful job being involved with children in that capacity. She has been amazing in my life as well - but I'll ALWAYS be glad that I was raised by my Mom & Dad.

Answer 4

My adoptive parents, my birth mom is not somebody I wish to associate myself with and am embarrassed that she is biologically related to me and in my eyes she is dead. I wish to meet my birth father and am trying to trace him, as he was supposed to be a really nice guy. But my adoptive parents are my true parents as far as I'm concerned and they have given me the best childhood and family life that I ever could have wished for, I will always be forever thankful that I was adopted by them.

Answer 5

Doesn't matter. Adopted more though. (bias opinion)

-I am adopted.

-I do not know my biological parents.

-What I do know, is that my biological parents were in a situation where they could not provide the means for me when I was born

-I was not adopted because I was poor, I was adopted because I was wanted.

-Adoption (in my case): biological parents want a better life for their child. adoptive parents want a child to bless their lives either because they cannot have their own children, or wish to help those children who need homes

-To me, family is not blood related. It is only the relation you have with that person through trust, guidance, learning, support, and most of all...love.

-You can be either an adoptive parent or a biological parent, and still be a poor parent. Being blood related should not have any say in the way you raise and love your children. If that is the case, then I think people like that should look into the beauty of adoption.

-The one real benefit of having biological parents is to immediately know your family history and medical history...this will come in handy in many aspects of your life.

Other than that...I vote Adoption.

Answer 6

I like the life I have now with the parents I have now.

Honestly, I would have liked to have had the opportunity to grow up in my birth country.

Not saying it's better. Just saying I would have liked to have had that chance. So yes, very loosely, yes I would prefer to have been raised by my biological parents.

Answer 7

My adoptive parents.  My biological mother made that choice for me and I am grateful for it.

Answer 8

First if all things were the same there would be no need for adoption. Things were not equal on both sides that is why the adoption was necessary. So  I am glad and would prefer to be raised by the parents who did raise me. My only parents the ones who adopted me

Answer 9

My biological parents.

But it's not a "fantasy world" as some would say...  and adoption is not something that is going to go away.  There will always be a need.  

What is the point of your question?

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Gaia: If you really believe your statement, like you say you do, then WHY adopt through foster care?  If you really think the child would want that and stay with his/her abusive natural parents?

"I have no control over whether or not a child in foster care will get adopted, either.  It will happen whether I'm there or not."

I am saying the same thing about my son's adoption.  Re-read what you've said.  My son was in foster care when I adopted him.  You have passed many judgements on parents of internationally adopted children.  I'm just returning the favor.

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I agree Crucio.  Anyone who thinks that AND wants to adopt a child, should go to counselling first before submitting an already hurting child to that kind of mentality.

Answer 10

Of course biological, well at least most of the time.

I think everyone in our society needs to look a how their choices and decision have played a role in this not happening for many children forced to live with strangers.

Answer 11

my adoptive parents, because then I have an excuse to explain their wackiness without having to claim any genetical relationship!!  

"dude your parents are wack!!"

and I was like, ya, but dont worry I'm adopted.

Answer 12

Bio parents.

It was SO hard growing up with people that looked nothing like me - and had different talents than me.

I didn't know when I should expect to menstruate as a teenager (as this often runs similar in a bio family) - I didn't understand why I had more pimples than my adoptive family - etc etc etc.

I had no one to mirror.

In fact - I still feel a freak when I look in the mirror (pimples are all cleared up - thanks!!) - as all my adoptive family look similar - and I feel like I should also - but I don't.

The saddest thing - those that are not adopted - often just don't get how important this stuff is - and dismiss it as unimportant.

And that hurts.

Answer 13

If all things were equal there wouldn't be adoption.

Answer 14

I'll go one step further.

I'd rather be raised by my parents (or just my mother) even if she were poor, than be raised by adopters (any adopters) who were rich.

I think it would be a relief to be raised without the loss, the pretending, the ignorance of who I am, and by the woman who's DNA I have in every cell.

Answer 15

Uhhh, that's kind of the POINT of adoption; the parents decide to put their child up for adoption because they can't supply an equal amount of love, money and support that the adoptive parents can. If that didn't happen, then there would be no need for adoption.

This really is a rather useless question.

Answer 16

my natural (birth)parents.

Answer 17

raised by my real parents

Answer 18

From within the philopsophical "all things being equal" exactly as you suggest, I would rather have been raised by my biological parents.  In my particular case, most of those things (love, support, money, etc.) WERE the same.  A more lengthy description of how I feel about it is in my answer to "would the degree of loss for adoptees be the same in open adoption?" in this forum.  And...I do get the point of the question.  And most of your other points.  :-)

Good Luck!

Answer 19

The parents that adopted me.

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No offense but I find something seriously wrong that someone would rather have stayed and lived in an abusive home, then to have a home with loving , caring , non abusive parents regardless if they are not blood. This is like saying all children of abuse and neglect should just remain with their natural parents and just grit and bare this neglect and abuse.