Poll: Should married people go out to lunch one on one with work friends who are the opposite s*x?

Question

I just saw my husband at a restaurant with another women. Just the two of them all alone. I asked him about it and he said it was a women friend from work. She is married also and he did not see any problem with the whole thing. There is no physical attraction and they are just friends.

What do you think? Should work friends of the opposite s*x go out to lunch just the two of them?

Answer 1

Yes..its no big deal. I'm married and sometimes I go out to lunch with a male friend from work..we are just friends and we usually just talk about work while we are eating lunch. But my husband knows about it. I love my husband to death and would never cheat on him. So its perfectly normal to eat lunch with coworkers. Relax.

Answer 2

No.   It doesn't matter what they say, its the appearance which raises questions and doubts in YOUR mind.  And for that reason alone their little lunch date violates marriage vows.  If it were a mixed group, then it would be different.

Answer 3

I don't see a problem with it...AS LONG AS the "TRUST" is there between you and him.  Now if the trust is not stable...H*LL YEAH, that lunch date should be wit you re-establishing trust

Answer 4

No. I did that once and before I realized it I was getting too close to a female coworker. I thought we  were just friends and believe me physical attraction is not the only factor. I am glad I stopped doing it before it interfered with my marriage. My wife is too important to me to allow anyone else to come into our marriage.

Answer 5

It's not always the best policy. If there is a spouse who might be suspicious, why take a chance? I am married and have had male friends. I've gone to lunch with them. It's like going with a girlfriend, unless someone has more in mind. If you have honorable intentions, there might not be a problem, but if anyone else is troubled by it, I would gather a group and go to lunch with them!    

Answer 6

I do that quite often actually.  I am very happily married and so is he.  We often bring work to lunch so that we don't lose time by having to go somewhere to eat.  

Answer 7

Do you trust your husband? If you do there should be no problem.  Where my husband works there are several women that work with them also,  they all go to lunch as a group and the women go along sometimes. , but there are times when a big company representative is there they take them out to lunch this is part of their job I have no problem with this.  If i saw my husbasnd at a resturant  I would just go up to the table as my husband would expect me to.  

Answer 8

That's tricky,sometimes you have to go out like that just to maintain a healthy workplace atmosphere,you don't want people to think your husband or wife is a weirdo,that's a direct reflection on you and how people at work would perceive your relationship at home,not that it matters much in the whole picture of a persons life but it sure does make for some sticky situations if work friends are avoiding you because of a jealous spouse.I think that a spouse should first give there mate the benefit of the doubt unless there actions dictate otherwise,like drinks after work and lunches everyday with just the two of them.I don't blame you for having concern either,I sure would question that,who wouldn't,I also would be more in tune with this other person just to see how much there name came up in conversation,I think its human nature to have a small twinge of jealousy,you cant help it but wonder what if in situations like that

Answer 9

Def not. Attraction or not, its asking for trouble and can lead to trouble, HOWEVER, IF this person AND her husband are GOOD friends of you and your husbands, as you guys hang out, and you're very good friends with the wife, etc etc etc......and they just happen to work together? then i think it would be different. But only once, ...certainly not a regualar thing by any means, then again if that were the case, you'd have walked over and joined them right?

so no, .its not right.  Its a fact, that when men and woman, given the opportunity , married or not...given enough time together, ..something is bound to happen, there may not be a physical attraction at first on either side, but it sure can turn into an emotional one.

good luck and simply tell hubby, "no"...You prefer he not go alone to lunch with any woman.

Also, had you not asked about it, ...would he have told you?

Answer 10

I don't see that its a big deal.  Especially if he didn't seem too defensive about it.  

How many times does he go out with women from work?  Does he always omit to tell you?  If so that could be a problem....

Answer 11

No, absolutely not. This "alone" time gives them time to emotionally bond to one another, and ultimately end up in bed together. This is how affairs start all the time. Tell your hubby to cool it, or cool him off with divorce papers.

Answer 12

Personally, I wouldn't go out for lunch with another man one-on-one, purely because I don't see it as being right. But I don't make rules for my husband. If he had a good reason, I wouldn't stop him. I can't say I wouldn't be suspicious of the other woman, though, but I think that's human nature.

Answer 13

Nope, because it conveys the wrong message. It's inappropriate for married people to go out for dinner or drinks with the opposite gender if it isn't their spouse. However, if they talk with their spouse prior to it....and it's ok with them then it shouldn't be a problem.

Answer 14

For myself, as long as I am made aware of it before hand, then I don't see anything wrong in it. My husband and I know and trust each other, to be honest about the outside relationships we have. Where a person works can be a factor. Perhaps, there is not a cafeteria or break room, to take lunch in, and people choose to go together to eat. No big deal to me.

Answer 15

i go out to lunch with my boss all the time and we're both married and nothing happens. BUT if there wasnt no understanding between you guys before it happened then i would be mad, there is a difference between going out with a friend or co worker and going out with a love interest or ex gf/bf. i would find out whats going on for sure and make your judgement from there.

Answer 16

This is a tricky question. It all depends on how well you know your husband.  If you can trust him, then I think that it is alright, but if you can't, then I can see you objecting to this kind of thing.

Answer 17

Personally, I don't think so. I know my husband would be so mad if I did this, and I wouldn't like it myself. I wouldn't want my husband to think for a second that something was going on.  But that is just me.  

Answer 18

Some spouses make a big huge deal about this!!! I never sweat the small stuff like this!  Infact, I insist my wife go out with another co-worker to eat lunch or something.  This does not bother me at all!!!  My own wife is cool too!  She lets me eat with many other women from work!  Why sweat the small stuff, when we have other major things to worry about, the bills, making more money, taking care of the children at school, taking care of the grand parents, etc,etc.

Answer 19

I think it is inappropriate for them to be alone.  It crosses a fine boundary there.  I have a friend at work that does this with a girl from another section - everybody comments on how they flirt with each other even though they're "just friends".  He's not married, but I wonder how his long term girlfriend would feel if she knew about that!  Probably not too happy I would imagine!

Answer 20

No.  In groups it would be fine but not one on one.  If it was a "friendly" thing then he should have thought to tell you or ask you ahead of time  incase someone you know saw them together.  

Answer 21

i used to work in a hair salon and went to lunch with one of the guys there often. my husband was cool with it, his wife always wondered what was up. there was nothing going on.

Answer 22

If they are just friends and not attracted to each other physically then i dont anything wrong with them having lunch together.

Answer 23

Most of the time it is fine, but some of the time it isn't and this is where things begin and then other relationships end and i would say it all depends on the person and if they're happy where they are, but all it takes is one lunch thta goes in a different way.  The people always say i didn't mean it to happen, well if you don't get in this situation it won't happen.

Answer 24

I don't think it should be just the two of them maybe if the number were increased to three it would be better. When a man and a woman are alone together it will lead to more than just dinner.  

Answer 25

Trust plays a deciding factor in this matter.

And also how open and honest you are with each other. If he has never given you a reason to doubt him then I don't think it's a big deal , but if he has, then maybe you should communicate to him your concerns. I've gone to lunch with someone of the opposite s*x, but it was totally innocent... he and I both are married; on several occasions we've opted to go to lunch together to save on gas.. Sometimes we even  car pool. So I don't think you should be too worried unless it's more than just Lunch i.e. excessive emailing,phone calls and paging.

Answer 26

All you can do now is suspect something is going on but you won't know for sure unless you catch him in the act.

I've gone to lunch with a male co-worker before since we were friends, but only on a few occasions and it is always planned never out of the blue kind of thing. I usually just have lunch in my cube, if I have any plans I always tell my Husband about it and see if he is comfortable with it. He always is since he trust me just as I trust him. Lunch is usually 30 minutes, I'll rather eat good food then do something stupid to jeopardize my marriage.  

Answer 27

I think it is fine.. but since you are asking the question it may be that you feel insecure about it.  I would look deep with your own insecurity because you really shouldn't have a problem with it unless there are underlining issues that make you not trust.  Trust is extremly important in a relationship and you may want to ask yourself if you completely trust him.  Are there other signs that this is not healthy?  Has he introduced you to her and does she act strange towards you?  My husband is quite close to a female co-worker and I know they have lunch together sometimes.  However, I have gone out with her and other co-workers and we have given little gifts to one another.  So I have never been weirded out by it.  (I manage a beauty store so i have lots of freeby's.) Even if my husband was with another co-worker for lunch I wouldn't feel odd about it since i am extremly confident in our relationship and he shows me everyday how much he loves me.

Answer 28

If there was nothing to hide, why didn't he tell you himself??? That is a huge red flag for me. My husband wouldn't do that; he has way too much respect for me and our marriage.

So, to answer your question, no I don't think that is right at all.

Answer 29

I'm a widow but my husband's last job was in an office with mostly women and I didn't care if he went out to lunch with one or more of them, nor did he care if I lunched with my male colleagues as I am in a profession that is predominantly male.  I would only be concerned if it's the same woman and only the two of them all of the time.  If it's just once a week or so, I don't see the harm.

Answer 30

HI

I don't think there is any problem in that. I am always with the opposite s*x as the industry i work in is male oriented.  

Answer 31

That is tricky,yes opposite sexes can be friends.But if either spouse is uncomfortable, then either you have to get to know these,friends,join them for lunch one day.Or even have them over for dinner.You also should let your better half know you love him, trust him.If you still are uncomfortable he should out of respect for you,start having lunch with the boys,or bag it.