p**n: Is it cheating? A question for the ladies?

Question

People keep saying "oh if your husband looks at p**n when you aren't home that is normal because he isn't touching a real woman, just looking at them"...WELL -they are real women! Like, what if your husband was looking at a real woman, live in person, all naked and laying around but not touching her...thats basically the same thing as p**n without the computer screen in between them...but I imagine most women wouldn't want to walk in on their man doing this.

Personally, I feel like if my husband looks at p**n (without me there), then it is cheating. Just like if he were in bed with a real woman but not touching her.

I would like to hear from other married women - how do you feel about this topic? How does it make you feel when your husband looks at p**n? (without you) and has it ever caused problems in your relationship?

Answer 1

On the internet, in person, in books, it does not matter. Looking at the private parts of any women, other than your wife is cheating. It is a form of EMOTIONAL cheating. Mentally, you have taken that sacred s*x line that belongs to you and your wife and turned it into a triangle. Further more, you did not have enough respect to get her opinion on it. Personally, I like p**n and have shared it with my man many times. It is agreed that it stimulates us both...not just him...sneaking and hiding.  

Answer 2

I don't mind.  We have great s*x and he is attracted to me. He doesn't do it when I am home and it does not interfere in our lives what so ever. To me it is not much different than checking out someone while at the store or at work...we all notice attractive people (same thing as checking someone out) don't deny it.  

But whether you agree with it or not, your husband is most likely looking a p**n.  Controlling him only makes it that much more desirable.

Answer 3

If he is looking at p**n, that is the first step toward infidelity.  Mine was looking at p**n, then talking with other people and sending pictures of his privates to these other people in the chat rooms.  Then he was demanding that I allow him to have a girlfriend and allow her into our bedroom.  See if he will go to counseling to get this taken care of.  I know what you are going though and depriving them of s*x is not always the issue.  I did everything I could to please him but it was never enough.  He wanted his "strange" and he couldn't get it with me.  GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

No, it's not cheating. If your husband imagines a naked woman (in his head) that he has met or not, is that cheating? p**n is not the same as a naked woman in front of him, although if he went to a strip club that wouldn't be cheating either...just don't touch.

p**n is a (albeit) raunchy form of entertainment. Is watching s*x scenes on TV (as mild as they are) cheating? He's watching people phuque...might be getting aroused, filling in what isn't shown with what he knows is likely going on...cheating?????? Of course not.

Ever read a steamy novel that had an explicit s*x scene in it? Lots of people (primarily women) do. Is that cheating? Of course not...no more than p**n is (the book just leaves more to the imagination). Are "mens" magazines cheating, with pictures of naked or scantily clad women cheating? h**l no.

If it bothers you, discuss it with him...but bottom line is you can't control what goes on in his head and he can imagine anything he wants sexually, whether he's viewing p**n or not. In my opinion as long as his heart and his p***s are with me, we're okay. I'm certainly not going to get upset or insecure over some people s******g on a video...heck, I enjoy watching it sometimes too. ☺♥☻

Answer 5

I agree that p**n can destroy relationships. There is no doubt about that whatsoever. However, with 2 consenting parties, some find p**n to be enjoyable. The problem arises when one partner is not "into" it and thus feelings get hurt, morals are expected to be deflated to accomodate a "harmless" inclusion to the relationship. Well, in that instance, p**n is not harmless. It is cheating. If a husband/partner knowingly engages in a behaviour that he/she KNOWS is detrimental to their relationship and is taking away from the happiness/security of the other partner, how can it be considered anything less than betrayal? I have read so many times people telling ladies to "get over it" or that "every guy does it" or "he's just LOOKING". To some, it is not just looking. To some it is a deep destructive sort of thing that hinders comfort and intimacy. Not every guy looks at p**n. That's like saying every guy has brown hair and every guy likes rock music. It's statistically impossible. I don't agree with p**n....for many many reasons. Not the least of which being the abuse and degredation of women that goes on in the industry and that has somehow managed to get labeled under the catch-all phrase of Empowerment to Women. It's a crock. It's fake s*x. It teaches our young men/boys how to be lousy lovers and to think that all women are like that. If they have no experience whatsoever with women or s*x, and their first taste of it all is pornography, what a skewed and sad thing. Because as adults, certainly some of us know better, but impressionable teenage boys don't. They don't have anything else to base it on. So for me, p**n is wrong on various levels and for me, with regards to my relationship, it is a form of cheating. It is not just looking. It involves lusting for another female...and I'm sorry but I will not condone a behaviour that takes my partner's focus from me and places it at the feet of a stranger who will do absolutely anything for a set sum of $.  

Answer 6

i agree with you totally...

my husband use to look at p**n and i caught him one night when i got back up and he closed out so quickly.. the next day i checked the history and was shocked at what i found....

i discussed it with him and told him for me that is cheating...and it hurt me so deeply that he would do such a thing.. i take it personally.... i know some ladies have no problem with it and that is great.... but to me it is wrong and there is not a place for it in our marriage...

Answer 7

Some people just need a little escape.  I wouldn't be worried about it - unless it's crowding your computer or if that was all he did.  

Answer 8

No i dont consider it cheating and it never caused problems in our marriage and relationship

In the past my husband has looked at a few p**n sites online a few times but it didn't bother me cause I'm not against p**n and i also in the past looked at p**n a few times but neither 1 of us has looked at any for a long time.

He is a hugh sports fan and 99% of the time he is at sports websites.

Answer 9

Wow, what a loaded question. I have dealt with this issue and many many men deal with this issue because men are visual creatures. Our society is inundated with s*x s*x s*x and somehow we are just supposed to close our eyes to it when we get married. lol

Ok, here is the thing: p**n isn't necessarily cheating but it IS degrading to women, and to your marriage. Viewing it on a regular basis causes men to lose respect for women and their wives.  It puts an image in their mind and then whenever they are intimate with their wives, that act is no longer attached to the wife but to the images he views, even if it's subconsciously.

If this is an addict problem, he needs to seek help. You need to have a talk with him and tell him it is not acceptable for him to do in your relationship. IT IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR, even though the feelings for men ARE normal, it's just our society has come to accept it as normal.

Look up some research on p**n addiction and s*x addiction and try to find Christian websites, they will give you a more realistic approach. This whole, "well, at least he's not getting it somewhere else' is BS, because it degrades you and it degrades women. My husband treated me like c**p for many years of our marriage and then I found out about his issue and started relating every time we had a severe issue, I had caught him viewing p**n. He no longer does it but I ask him about it sometimes because I want to be sure. He respects me more now and shows it.  Just get this out in the open now.

Answer 10

Completely natural...just be glad he isn't trying to get it somewhere else. Try not to freak out about it. Maybe you could look at it with him...? Spice things up a bit =)

Answer 11

p**n is only cheating to those poor souls that have too low of self esteem and are too insecure and too immature to realize that it's not cheating, you can't cheat with a picture of someone you will never meet.   Some people need to realize that it's normal to look, heck i'm sure you've admired a few pictures of females in p**n yourself.

Answer 12

My husband looks at p**n sometimes. He doesn't have obsession with it, or do it in front of me. I do know that he has a stash of Maxim magazines under the bathroom sink though....and I know he looks at it on his computer sometimes. I couldn't care less. I appreciate it that he is discreet about it. I think it's unreasonable and a product of our puritan based society to believe that men aren't going to ever look at another woman though. There are much bigger things in life to get excited about. There is also a difference between seeing a picture and ogling some naked woman in our living room. It's more than just a computer screen between them. He can't flirt, talk to, go to far with, or touch a computer or magazine image. (Note that I said computer image. If I found out my husband was carrying on some kind of relationship with a woman via computer, it would be a different story) p**n is nothing more than an aid in masturbation. Please don't tell me you have a problem with masturbation too. If you do, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. All men m********e, and even if he isn't looking at a picture, he has one in his mind.

Answer 13

Well, I'll get a bunch of thumbs down for my opinion. I don't mind if my husband looks at p**n. I know he does but not when or how much, because I'm not over his shoulder looking when he is on the computer. He also goes to a strip club once or twice a year. I don't mind. He comes home to me. I am very secure in my relationship with my husband. I trust him and I don't have a leash around his neck, nor does he have one around mine.  

Answer 14

i know how you feel.but flip the scrip if it was you doing it, would it be wrong? i don't think so

Answer 15

no it doesnt bother me, i do it to. ii always have since i was 16 and saw my first.

we like webcam s*x too, we do that together for other couples, singles etc for the thrill. it really isnt a big deal for us, its just fantasy fun and another area of our s*x life.

Answer 16

as long as he isn't the one making the p**n with another woman/man than thats cheating. but just be happy that he's not s******g the neighbor. if it gets to the point that he isn't making love 2 you to watch p**n than you have a problem. p**n should enhance your relationship; teach you new positions and hat up the bedroom. watch them with him from time to time so you don't feel left out. and put some new moves on him so that he doesn't wan2 watch them no more...

Answer 17

I'm not married but I am dating and living with someone I will probably marry, and we both enjoy p**n, but different kinds of p**n so we don't watch it together all that often.  I don't know about him, but for me, it's like I'm watching a movie, not participating in it.  I don't think it comes anywhere NEAR to him having a woman in person because he didn't invite this woman over, he's never talked to her, and he's not trying to get her phone number.  He wouldn't want her to come over and lie over naked even if she called and offered, and I know that.  I'd say it does not bother me at all, but in every relationship, it's best to voice your concerns.  Tell him how this makes you feel and how it hurts you.  Just because I am ok with it does not mean you should be.

Answer 18

my husband and i look at p**n together and he sometimes watches it without me and i sometimes watch it without him. i don't view it as cheating and it has never caused a problem in our marriage. i'm not saying p**n is for everyone, as they say different strokes for different folks...no pun intended!

Answer 19

I've never considered looking at p**n an issue.  Men are visual creatures.  They love to look.  Frankly, I'd rather have him looking at a movie or a magazine in our home than oogling some chickie poo on the street.

That having been said....IF he's looking at child p**n, g*y p**n, or snuff films...that's not a good thing, and isn't acceptable.  

IF the only way he gets aroused is over p**n...also not a good thing, but not as bad as the one above.

Pornography has been around for centuries.   I don't find it that big of a deal.

Do you read romance novels?  The ones with the pretty explicit s*x scenes in them?  Are you cheating on him when you read them?  Not much difference between what you're reading and what he's watching, except there's a little more plot wrapped around yours.