Possible need for a therapist/psychologist?

Question

Recently, I was having an intimate night with my potential partner and we were discussing the possibility of how we may want to pursue a future relationship. The mood of the conversation was intimate, safe, serious but in no way harmful or gave reason for defense or need for a learned defensive action. What concerns me, is that while the conversation was taking place I started to tear and withheld emotion while conveying the emotions that I was feeling. I do not believe that I have a depressive mood disorder or suffer from depression, though I am not a trained medical professional and cannot diagnose as such. I am normally not an emotionally available person, due to the nurturing factors of my childhood, I am working to be more emotionally available with my loved ones. Yet, another factor that I believe may be a potential contributor is that I am coming up on a years sobriety and many of the members of the fellowship that I belong to say that the weeks before a year sobriety may be emotional. So my question is why did I have a somewhat, unnatural for my personality out break, and should this outbreak cause concern?

Answer 1

Why?

First, it's not at all remarkable for someone to tear up. you've given quite a few reasons -- coming up on a year sober anniversary (many anniversaries make us more emotional, or depressed); having an emotionally deep conversation, where you felt safe, thus free (sort of but not entirely) to feel your feelings in the presence of someone you're close to.

Maybe you're becoming more emotionally available, which is a good thing. Being in an intimate relationship, and being in a support group -- both of these can be emotionally healing.

Should it cause concern? Oddly, no. You FEEL concern, because you aren't used to feeling your feelings, and so now that you're beginning to, it's disconcerting.

A few years after my father died (which had sent me into "the pit") I started worrying about myself. It seemed my emotions were all over the place, I was bouncing wildly around -- so it seemed. I was attending a conference and the speaker, as an aside, mentioned that when people are coming out of a depression, since their previously suppressed feelings were coming out, it was disconcerting, even scary.

BOING!!!!! It felt like she was reaching out, patting me on the shoulder, saying, "See? That's all this is, you're not going nuts at all."

Having spent quite a bit of my life in "the pit" I found coming up into the air and light scary.

I'm thinking this is what's going on with you.

So, as to your top-level question, although there'd be no harm in seeing a professional, to help you sort things out, I wouldn't call it a need.

As I reread, I realize I'm not at all clear exactly what happened -- you started to tear, withheld emotion while conveying your emotions. Huh?

Anyway, if you're getting serious about this person, then sharing your feelings is part of this.

Hope my ramble helped.

Answer 2

I don't see any problem.

You were just releasing true emotion during a time when you were expressing your heartfelt emotion to someone with whom you want to share the rest of your life.

In that scenario, there was no need to hide your true feelings in any manner.  In fact, letting your emotions flow would have only magnified the significance and sincerity of the moment.

Answer 3

This is normal behavior. Your defenses were less rigid than usual, that's about it. No cause for alarm.