Hi. I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years 2 months ago. Initially I was devastated at the loss. We had not been going well for some time and truth is, I had wanted to leave many times because although my girlfriend was the love of my life- she also had a problem with lying about her sexual past. I found out that she made up s*x acts she did with guys and exaggerated them to relate to me (a bisexual). She also doubled her s*x number and continued to lie about what turns out to be a bad sexual past filled with her being cheated on...her being disappointed. So in a sense, this girl was deeply in love with me and felt I would not relate to her...or i would get bored of her...reject her...so she tried to make her s*x past sound colourful. Very stupid and immature. Anyway..I forgave her eventually...BUT the problem is I couldn't forget. I started questioning everything too many times over...I questioned a lot of her past. This lead to me developing judgement on her. In the end, she got sick of having to tell me things over and over again. Because it was boy who cried wolf. I slowly lost respect and passion for her.
But...I still believed in her. Believed this was just some phase and couldn't possibly be real...that she is a genuine person who has a problem. Who has also been dumped by her parents when she came out...who has intimacy or abandoment issues. I kept taking her back. And she kept lying. She only stopped..when it was too late.
She then tells me she feels defeated't! because nothing she now says I believe and she felt that she had 'put me through h**l' and I don't deserve that and to be burdened with her problems. She also spoke of setting me free cos she loved me.
anyway, we stayed together ...went on a break...stayed together...kept fighting over silly things cos I was frustrated and non trusting.. but then she tells me she wants out. And is no longer in love with me BUT loves me.
and that breaking up with me was apparently not about me! it was about her...her and her character. The argument we had took a toll on her...she lost self esteem...she has no energy. Or some c**p. YET she wants to become good friends with me again (as we were best friends). And she is not actively pursuing anyone else or said she won't be...and then she says she would like to concentrate on being friends and rebuilding trust..and is open to something happening between us if it does..but that we cannot expect it to. If it does naturally then it does...
BUT then she told me that she wants to move on and having hope that we would get back together would not make us move on. YET she wants to become close friends again. I see this as again stringing me along.
I deeply care for her...we both recently went travelling overseas and I had run into her friend at the airport..and he wanted to catch up in London with me. We did. Then I wrote to my ex girlfriend ...kept it light..saying i ran into her friend...saying i am having fun over here...and how is her trip. She replied very quickly with a friendly email.
But suddenly i am not sure if being friends is something I want. I feel she broke our friendship too many times to mention...and she wore me out. I don't feel I have the energy or as much interest to become friends with someone like this. Although I care for her. And I do have sympathy for her bad past.
But I always think people need to help themselves.
She was trying to sell herself as being a better friend...saying in relationships something happens to her...she gets insecure. And she will be able to offer me a lot as a best friend again.
Do you think i should give her a chance to show that she can be a good friend outside of our already poisoined relationship or should I just cut her off?
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