Pre-birth stories in baby book for adopted child?

Question

My sister is adopting a baby and she's not real big on keepsakes, but learned about the importance of a baby book in one of her parenting classes. She asked me if I wanted to keep a baby book for them. I've always been big into journaling my own life and would like to provide my niece with a record of her earliest years. A traditional baby book doesn't fit, and I don't know yet how much the birth parents will be involved or if they would be willing to share info.

Looking at my own baby book, there are pre-birth things like a sonogram picture, first kick, pictures of my parents as babies, story of labor/birth and also just-after-birth things like who came to see me at the hospital, what I wore home, etc. Those things have already happened for my niece and I haven't even met her yet……….how much should I pursue that information?

Will the pre-birth stuff be more or less meaningful for her as an adopted child?

Answer 1

A lot of that information might not be available if the birth parents don't want the information shared.

Since they likely won't be part of her life, why not have your family members write welcome messages, or something like that?  If your sister's having a baby shower, pictures from it would be good.

Focus more on the family she'll grow up knowing, I think.  Or at least I would.  If you can get sonogram pictures or something like that, sure.  But really, if she's going to grow up knowing she's adopted, she'll understand why she doesn't have pre-birth things.

Answer 2

I have to disagree with the folks here who say "wait to start it"

Start it NOW, so that if the adoption plan falls through, she has a record of this part of her life.

Cover how the adoption came about, who the SW was, how parents felt when the got the call, who the first parents are, ASK THEM FOR LETTERS (ALL 4 of them) to their daughter, explaining their circumstances and choices.  Get copies of her OBC.  Get pictures of her room, her baby shower,with her and her grandparents (again, all four sets since they are family)

Ask her first mom for info about the pregnancy, and for contact information (which you will keep, but not put in the baby book) in case the openness of this plan falls through.

Good luck with this project!

Answer 3

You might also want to do a search for "Life Books" or "Lifebooks"  this is the Term many adoptive parents use to describe the child life story as so much of the "baby" information isn't known or doesn't seem appropriate to leave blank....

Some county Adoption Support Groups will often have special events or meetings that help Adoptive Parents decide how to build and keep a great Life Story Book.... and in the foster care adoption world many parents are encouraged to create these--sometimes the caseworkers or foster families start them and give them to the adoptive parents....

Life Books are nice too because we can build the Family Tree and include the information that we have about the biological family as well as the information about the adoptive family.... I believe there are great How-To books and even some Kits sold on Amazon.

Answer 4

hallmark sells baby books that are geared towards children who were adopted.  there are removable pages, you remove the pre birth ones and replace them with other nice keepsakes.  then the main part of the book starts wherever you want it to, either at birth or for an older child when they came into your home.  

i would suggest you use one of these.  that way there aren't any blank pages, the places for sonograms and and when you first felt baby kick, etc...are all removed.  

we have an open adoption and i felt like this wasn't my part of the story to tell, my daughter can ask her other mother about these things when she's older.  and can fill in the pages that were removed if she likes.  that way they can still have that time to go back and bond over the time before she was born.

Answer 5

The pre-birth stuff will be much more important, IMHO. If her natural parents aren't involved in her life it could very well be the ONLY connection she has to her root.

If her first parents aren't willing to share, they might feel that time is "theirs" to remember, I would gently remind them that it is her history you are trying to document not theirs. Nobody can make them give you anything but being caring and compassionate towards their pain might help them open up.

Answer 6

My best friend was adopted, and she could care less about her life our her birth parents' lives before she came to her parents when she was nine months old.

In my opinion, the child should have no real reason to have much interest in the lives of her birth parents or for what reason she was given up. The adoptive parents are the real parents, and they are all that matters.

My aunt and uncle adopted two boys when they were both babies, then a few years later had a son of their own. The two boys are biological as well as adopted brothers and they have no care or interest in their birth mother or what life would have been like with her. They love their parents, and their younger brother.

It depends on what the (adoptive) parents think, I suppose.

Answer 7

I don't mean to be rude--but she is NOT your neice.  Her mother (the woman who is pregnant) may choose not to give her away.

Why not wait until this is  REALITY?

No wonder prospective adoptive parents are devastated when things don't work out...

Answer 8

i agree with sunny 100%. e. noel...*sigh*

and people wonder why many advocate for first parents, and equate "birthmother" with "breeder."

i would seriously wait until after the adoption is final and the revocation period elasped.  then, and only then would i begin to craft a keepsake. because, quite honestly, it's not your sister's child until the mother relinquishes in court. also, the "pre-birth" information, i believe, would be as important to an adoptive child as a biological child. however, it would be prudent that the first mother's experiences are documented respectfully and accurately.