Preemies-has anyone else felt a sense of loss after having a preemie?

Question

My daughter was born at 25 weeks and is now 7 months old. Sometimes I get really depressed when I hear about people having full term babies. I'm not ready for another baby because a 7 month old is hard enough but at the same time sometimes I want to get pregnant again so I can feel what every mother should. I try to talk to friends but they don't understand because they've all been overdue with their babies. I'd love to hear if other preemie moms feel the same way.

Answer 1

Absolutely!! I had my son at 26wks and went through those same feelings! You feel cheated in your pregnancy and also cheated out of the time that your baby spent in the NICU. Unfortunately my son, Ethan, died after four months in the NICU. So I am envious of you having your preemie with you!! Email me if you ever need to talk!

God bless you and your sweet baby!!

Answer 2

I also had my daughter at 26 weeks. I do feel cheated, never got to experiance the water breaking and rushing to the hospital. I had so many problems with my first pregnangy that I had to have my son induced early so I missed out on both pregnancies. I won't be having any more though,....too many problems. I hope your next experiance is better...but you do have a beutiful daughter now though....

Answer 3

I dont think my daughter is really a 'preemie' although I guess by the technical deffinition she is. She was born at 37 weeks and I couldn't imagine if she was born any earlier. I felt kinda....ripped off. It looks like with this pregnancy I will be induced at 38 weeks if I havent gone into labour b 4 then (Gestational Diabetes) but at least this time I'll be prepared for it. On the way to the hospital with her after my water broke I kept thinking to myself 'no, not yet...i'm not ready, I still want to be pregnant'. But as long as our little ones are healthy thats all we can ask for.  hats off to all moms with preemies, it must have been excrutiating.

Answer 4

Absolutely!  My son is 4.5 years old now and I STILL feel cheated. :(  (Especially since I have to watch my moronic sister-in-law smoke through her third pregnancy.  She smoked through her first two pregnancies as well and had large, overdue sons each time.  So, yeah, I'm still angry and pissed off that I did everything "right" and had a preemie, whereas she did a bunch of stupid things when pg and went overdue.)

I should add that I went on to have a successful full-term pregnancy with my daughter, but I found that I still couldn't fully "enjoy" it as I was constantly worried she would be early as well.

Hugs to you!

Answer 5

i didnt have a permie, he was 2 weeks early but that doesnt count, but my son was born with metopic craniosynostosis. the metopic suture i nhs skull fused too early durring my pregnancy causing a ridge and a triangular apperance to his forehead.

i go from being angry, to sad and depressed when i see other people with "normal" shapped headed babies. especially when they say oh look at my son/daughter's nice round head. it makes me want to scream. i think its not fair, and why did this have to happen to us, to my son. i took care of myself durring my pregnancy, i dont smoke or do drugs. never have and never will. i havent had anything alcoholoc since 2 months before we started trying for a baby, and still my son was born with this and will be having reconstructive surgery to correct it. it makes you feel like youve done something wrong, even though all the doctors tell you it sometimes just happens, there is no explaination for it. its tough.

we are very thankful that although he has this fusion, he is growing and developing normally and is right on tract for where he should be at 7 months old.

so althogh i havent had a premie, i do know what its like when things dont go according to plan, and i know what its like to have it eat you up inside.

Answer 6

oh yes! Thank YOU for posting this!

My twins were born at 28 weeks - they are now 3.5 yrs old.

I felt cheated in a way.

I had to have an emergency c-section, i didnt see them for 5 hours and didnt hold them for 12 days. It wasnt the way it was supposed to be and it got me so depressed, i ended up on antidepressants.

I got that down about it not going right that i did try for another and I fell pregnant when the twins were 9 months old. My youngest went overdue (11 days!) and i had her naturally which was such a relief and fullfilled my 'loss' - not a reason to have a child i know, but she is well loved and cared for and most certainly wanted!

I battled with my Post Natal Depression for 18 months after i had my youngest, i always compared how much better the pregnancy with the baby was and i felt guilty and i still wanted to turn back time.

Im now fully recovered and off my antidepressants - 6 months!!!

I see my twins birth as a miracle now, they are lucky to be alive, your daughter included. I look at myself as a chosen one if ya like.... only certain people can handle having a preemie.

You are never given more than you can handle.

All my friends had full term babies so i can totally understand how you feel!

After all your daughter is still only 7 months (corrected age about 3.5 months??), emotions are still raw, i imagine, especially as you have not long past what would have been your due date.

Give it a few more months, talk to anyone and everyone, see if there is a support group from the NICU or even theres a health professional who works with preemies who can talk through your feeling with you.

Im sorry im not much help but I can totally understand how you feel.

x*x