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Preg- and alone now, please help. its a long one.

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My story is kind of a long one. And any advice that can be given is appreciated. I have been with a guy on and off for 9 years now. I have a three year old son and daughter due in October. We have had a rocky past ( i believe mostly in part because we were high school sweethearts and had alot of learning to do). We had previously been engaged when my son was an infant, however- I chose to give the ring back and ended our relationship after he began hanging out with a group of guys who created alot of problems. It had seemed as though my ex had regressed back to his high school years while I was at home with our baby.He lost contact with us for 6months and then decided he wanted to be a parent again. Nevertheless, we went through custody and visitation for our son and had a plan worked out we both could live with. I still have had feelings for him, i was just hoping somewhere in my head he would grow up and we could actually be a family.

About a year goes by- and I decided I needed to tell him how i felt and try to make things work again. We had alot of family time together and it all seemed to be coming together. And then I fond out in March(08) I am pregnant with our second child. I was nervous but happy! I honestly thought it might be a blessing in disguise. He kind of acted indifferent, and I assumed that maybe it was because it was our second or that he was just being a guy ( scared ) or whatever. We had talks about it and abortion had came up, I told him no- and that even if we did not end up together we would not have another custody issue , it could remain the same as our son had been on. And things were ok, we still had stupid fights but for the most part we got along. I have gotten close with his mom and used her as a support system when things do get hard.

He had asked me to move in with him, and I am in my last year of nursing school so I told him as soon as i graduate I will, so he is not left supporting me and 2 babies.I thought that was the most responsible thing to do, but maybe I am wrong.

But anyway, since June my life has been in a downward spiral. My parents ( whom i have been very close to ) are seperating due to an affair, my mother who had been sober for 12 years began drinking again. And I needed him more than ever. Even though I am an adult, it has hit me equally as hard. I spent alot of time with him and just wanted to create a stable family. And as soon as things look up- he starts getting text messages from an ex (someone with him during custody issues). Instead of confronting him, i talked to his mom, she told me the girl had been too obsessive and he had quit talking to her. She had also just seperated from her husband. So I let it go. I didnt want to create a issue out of nothing. And then a week later, my bf and I go out to dinner. The whole time this girl is texting. I finally said something, I do not know if it was hormones or what, but I broke down in tears. I can't deal with anything else going wrong. He said she will not leave him alone and he loves me. I have never had infedelity issues with him in the past, so once again, i let it go. Well again for the past two nights- she has been at it- and last night I had enough. I told him his girlfriend must desperatley need to talk to him, "SHE NEEDED TO TALK TO HIM ASAP", and then later wrote why are you not responding- ?, he basically ignored me for the rest of the night- and i decided to just go home rather then spend the night then hurt myself more. I am now almost 7 months pregnant, and literally going insane. I do not know what else I can do- I feel like its my fault for s******g everything between us up. But at the same time, I am not sure what any other person would have done. I know this is long and possibly confusing, but i need advice on what to do? do i leave him alone until he comes around? should I call this girl and see if something is going on? I feel like such a fool.

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  1. okay wow i feel for you, that must be an awful thing ot go through (and this is coming from a guy :P ) well hmm i understand u have given him the benefit of the doubt many times b4, but i think u should do it one more time, i think u are a very strong girl but the one priority u have to thin about is, how do i secure the safety wel being and happiness of my children, i would call this girl talk to her ask about why she is bugging him so much, and as someone else said see what she says, confront him about it, tell him change his number! and suggest couple couseling if he really loves you, sure he will have his doubts but he will follow through, this guy needs to grow up and see he has two children and girl friend who loves him, and he is being an *** to you, when ur going through an insane amount of stress, now if u do find out he has been fooling around, get rid of him, break contact completely, there is got to be someone in your family that can help you, family can make u do some crazy wonderful things, if u dont have direct family find an aunt or uncle, a cousin even they, even a phone relationship will probablly make you feel better, i really do feel for you, and make sure u dont think with u or him or anyone else in mind but the children, cuz they are the most important part :)

    hope this helps, and if u need any more help just ask :)

    -ae fan  


  2. The thing to remember is that you and your babies must come first no matter what.  

    I would call this girl and ask her why she keeps texting him. Let her know that you and he are together and expecting yourr 2nd child. See what she has to say.

    I would then tell him to shape up or ship out. You do NOT need this stress on top of everything else. Suggest couples counseling and see what he says.

    Good luck, and remember YOU and the BABIES first. Don't put up with any BS.

  3. He sounds like a real jerk! If you want my opinion, he's cheating with this girl, and left your house to go to hers! I'd dump him. He sounds like he's given you nothing but grief! I feel for you, because I am 20 weeks pregnant, and can't imagine the pain you must be in. I think the best thing for you and the kids is to let him go, and take care of yourself. You're under way too much stress, and it seems as though you can't even enjoy the fact that another little angel is on the way!

  4. I think there is something going on with this girl.  Trust me, if he didn't want her bothering him, he would have changed his number, or done something to make her stop.  I went through all this with my daughters father too.  h**l, I still go through it now.  I think you need to ditch this loser.  Seriously.  He has shown that he is not going to grow up.   Its wonderful that you are graduating nursing school.  You can get a good job and raise those 2 beautiful children on your own.  This guy is no good!  If you leave him alone, he will try to come around again, but my advice is, be done with him.  You have given his punk *** too many chances as it is, and he keeps s******g them up!

  5. Congratulations on your baby girl! Im sorry your situation couldnt be more happy. Anyway, his problems are most definintely not your fault. You need to stop being a pushover, and by the sound of things, you arent doing whats best for your son or soon-to-be newborn by hanging onto this guy. You have to give this guy an ultimatum. He is either in or he's out there is no inbetween. Its not healthy for your son to grow up with a here-and-there father. You need to get out. I grew up in a stable single-parent home, and I turned out just fine. So, it can be done! Sure it will be hard, but I can guarantee you it won't be as hard has having two little kids and the drama of a half-*** father.

  6. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.  You really don't need this stress in your situation.

    It seems you have done everything in your power to be a good mom and you are almost done nursing which will improve your life that much more.

    You might need to tell him that you can't deal with the stress of your relationship while you are pregnant.  It seems you can rely on his mother, which is your childrens grandmother, so perhaps you can have her as your support system.

    As for your parents, you can attend Al-anon meetings, they help family members cope with parents or loved ones who are alcoholics. If you are still close to your dad, he is another key person who can help as a support person to you.

    I would try and make a list of all the positive people in your life, and keep the positive energy around you during this time.


  7. You have all ready let him know that it bothers you that she keeps texting him and he should respect you by telling the girl to knock it off!  He has a family now and needs to stop playing games. Maybe talk to him once more to make it absolutely clear that when he texts this girl it really upsets you and you would appreciate it if he would stop.  If he can't do that for you than maybe you need to take a serious look at your relationship and decide if you should wait around for him to want to be with you and only you.

    Congrats on almost being done with nursing school!  I'm actually just starting the process....

  8. You need to find a serious man who will be in the lives of your children.  You dont need a man who is in and out of you and your childrens lives.  He needs to understand that he is no longer a boy, but a man, therefore he needs to put away the childish acts.  He is undecided, and doesnt know who or what he wants in life.  Move on. Find someone who is gonna show you and your children the love and affection that youll deserve.

  9. Wow, that is long. Just take a deep breath. I know I am not the best person to be giving you advice but it is the least I can do. I would have done the same thing as you. Maybe you should just take a bubble bath and look at everyones position. You might want to give this other girl a call,maybe even try going to coffee with her. If their is something going on between them, do you really need this guy in your life, I know your having his baby and all but... Hope this is a little help

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