Pregnant, mom wants to come for long visit.. need advice!?

Question

My mom lives in Canada and I live here in the US. She wants to come live in our tiny place for five months, shortly before and after our baby is born. I love her dearly, but it is going to be so stressful having her there I almost don't want her to come until after the baby is born and then, only for two weeks. She's already confessed to me last night she's worried I might say no to her coming for five months, but she is very insistent, saying it's her first and only grandchild and no one is going to rob her of that time. I had no idea what to say because she only hears what she wants sometimes. I recovered last year from a severe bout of depression and when she came to visit it was so stressful to have her there, questioning why I let my dogs in the house, why this, why that, you should do it this way, let me move your furniture, tell your husband this, (right in front of him). My husband is very respectful around her, and tells me whatever I'm comfortable with, he will go for.. but he knows I am not keen on this. Sometimes I fear the worst with my mom, but I don't want to feel like I can't relax in my own house. Any thoughts anyone who has been through something similar? Thank you & God bless.

Answer 1

Tell her to come down, but if she wants to stay for more than two weeks, you recommend her staying in a hotel because now you're going to be three in your "tiny place" and you think it will be to uncomfortable (for everyone). At least this way, she's not in your face 24/7.

Answer 2

i think you should be truthful with your mother and tell her you wont need her until after baby is born... YES, she is your mother and yes she does love you dearly, but it seems to me shes still trying to hold on to you as if you were still her baby (which you always will be, but just not in that way!). just let her know NICELY that you dont need any help at the moment & that she can come visit for a short while after baby comes becuz you want to get accustomed to having & starting your own little family. GOOD LUCK on your situation & pray everything works out for the best !!!!!

Answer 3

I would tell her how you feel and tell her you only want her to be over for 2 weeks but i think when she  gets there she will  try to stay longer than 2 weeks. I think   5 months is too long . Can you visit her? i wouldnt let her come  

Answer 4

Hi Shartie

Thats sounds like a very difficult decision or situ.

Is it definately going ahead?

It sounds like a nightmare, especially if she stays in the house.

I spent many days with my Mother when my daughter was born 7 years ago, but she was only 30 min away and was able to home again. My Mother was also not interferring. And would never pass comment on the way I run my house or look after my child.

Depending on whether your Mother has the funds would she may able to stay nearby? or with someone else? To keep some space between you.

If she is over bearing It could be your worst nightmare. Having her boss you around, tell you how to do stuff, take over looking after the baby.

If your worried now then I would seriously consider whether this is a good idea at all. Five months is along time and crucial for building your relationship with your new baby and as a family.

Think about what the plus points would be.

Your new life as a parent and a mother is about you, your husband and child and you should not fell bullied or hassled into having your Mother to stay is she will not help you in a way that makes you feel safe and respected and have your best interests at heart.

I hope you manage to suss out what to do, but my advice would be to think very carefully as this could be more stressful than you need at a new and potentially stressful time of your life!

God Bless.

Answer 5

You need to tell her straight up that you need your space because this is your first child and you want to learn from experience. But also, make sure she knows she can still come and visit, just not for five months, and that she'll still be involved in your child's life. It's really really important that you do not cut her out of your child's life though. My sister had her first baby and my mum was so excited, until my sister wouldn't even let her hold her grandson without a million lectures on how to do it properly. Obviously she knew what she was doing though. She'd had two kids herself.

Long story short, my sister was eight months pregnant with her second child when my mum died last october. Now she totally regrets how she treated mum, but it's too late. I'm now two months pregnant and it hurts so much to know that I wont have my mum for support and advice, when my sister had the chance and rejected it.

Answer 6

yes just tell her the most polite way u can manage that u r pregnant tired and need ur own space. i certainly understand where u would get so stressed. tell her ur husband is very caring and see's u through the rest of ur pregnancy. in the end tell her u cant afford to put her up for 5 months, its such a long time. and at this time u need private space, u and ur husband, its ur first child, tell her u want to spend it wit ur man.

good luck