Pregnant!!!!!!! (Not Me) But a friend!!!adoption or abortion?

Question

she wants me to break the news to her parents for her, but im not so sure about it! i can't believe it she wants to get it gone, but is it the right thing to do, or should she go with it for 9 months and then put it up for adoption, i need thoughts and advice! Quick!

Answer 1

ALRIGHT BEING SOMEONE WHO HAS HAD AN ABORTION I WOULD SUGGEST ADOPTION!!!!! I HAD AN ABORTION 7 YEARS AGO AND STILL TO THIS DAY I CANNOT FORGIVE MYSELF! I AM TEARING UP EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW! THE THING IS, WHEN HAVING AN ABORTION YOU HAVE TO LIVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WONDERING, WHAT THE BABY WOULD BE, WHAT IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED LIKE AND MOST OF ALL YOU HAVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE KNOWING YOU KILLED AN INNOCENT BABY! THAT BABY DID NOT ASK TO BE CONCIEVED, SO IT SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE KILLED! LISTEN TELL YOUR FRIEND TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND TAKE THE ADOPTION ROUTE! MAYBE EVEN AT THE END SHE WILL STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND TAKE ON THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT SHE SHOULD BE TAKING FIRST AND FORMOST! MAYBE HER PARENTS WILL BE UNDERSTANDING AND HELP HER THROUGH THE PROCESS OF BEING A PARENT!

ABORTIONS ARE FOR KILLERS, YES I DID IT AND REGRET EVERY MOMENT ESPECIALLY SINCE I ALREADY HAD A BABY AT HOME AND I HAVE TO ASK MYSELF EVERYDAY WHAT IS SO SPECIAL ABOUT MY SON I HAVE AND NOT ABOUT THAT BABY! ABORTION IS THE MOST SELFISH THING ANY MAN OR WOMEN CAN THINK OR DO!!!!

PLEASE LET HER KNOW THAT IT WILL EAT HER UP INSIDE DAILY, THERE ISNT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I THINK "WHAT IF"!

PLEASE SHE WILL RUIN THE REST OF HER LIFE IF SHE HAS ANY HEART!!!!!! SAVE HER AND THIS BABY!

Answer 2

Abortion is not an option. She should now the consequenses of having s*x. If she is not far in the pregnancy she can. But Plan B pill if taken can effect her uterus if used in properlly or if over used, can effect the womans reproductive system. Pregnancy is a great experience, the thought of having a living organism in your belly is an unalike experience but it does have pains and akes every now an then, but she will fall in love with the baby in her belly an she will think twice about aborting it or giving it for adoption.

But the thing she does will effect her thoughts for life if she gets rid of it..

Answer 3

this is a very personal choice.  as her friend, your role is to SUPPORT HER DECISION, not judge her or persuade her into adoption. pregnancy is not easy...  

to all the "fetus-philes"...

man... only if people cared this much about the living children, we'd have more money devoted to public schools, universal health care, et al... in other words, why not focus on helping the children that are here, not the "potential children."  this argument is inflammatory, divisive and tired.

i digress

Answer 4

It's her choice. This will impact her for the rest of her life. So she needs to sit down with her parents, the baby's father's parents, AND the father, and discuss what she's going to do. This is a huge deal, and she's going to need a lot of support. I suggest loving her in any choice she makes.

Answer 5

She needs her parents now! Thats what they are there for. If my daughter ever got an abortion without coming to me I would die. This abortion system sucks! You need a parents consent to get a tattoo of a butterfly on your ankle but not to kill a child?

Tell her parents for her. Call em up. Do it like a band aid. There is no easy way but its the best thing you can do for her. Don't even let her talk about adoption until she is 7 months along. She needs time to feel that baby and get attached and see if she doesn't want to raise it.

Answer 6

Since everyone seems to be pointing out the potential negative emotional impact of abortion...  I will point out that many women who give up children for adoption ALSO report a negative emotional impact, as do many of the adoptees so relinquished.  And I have known women who had abortions who report no negative emotional effects.  (Though they may have been in denial.)  But it's undeniable that there are negative consequences of relinquishing a child for adoption.  

Your friend needs to make her own decision.  If you are her friend, you should support whatever decision she makes.  You should not be trying to convince her to do something else.

Answer 7

It sounds like there's no good reason to get an abortion.  She should go see a counselor and begin to make an adoption plan.  She should work through a competent attorney or adoption agency (she won't have to pay for this service) and begin to work through finding an adoptive family she wants to raise the child she'll give birth to (this, of course, assumes she doesn't choose to parent the child herself, which is also an option).

There's no reason to terminate a pregnancy just because a birth mother isn't in a position to parent.  There are lots of people out there who are waiting for the blessing of a child in their lives.

Answer 8

Definitely adoption. It is not the baby's fault your friend got pregnant, so why take the baby's life away? When you do things you aren't supposed to, you have to deal with the consequences.

Answer 9

First let me say that I'm sure your friend must be pretty scared right now, and that's OK, she has a right to be.  It's hard to make grown-up decisions when your a teenager

( I'm assuming your friend is a teenager).  I don't advocate in any way for abortion but if in the end that's the decision made, make sure your friend gets the medical and most importantly, the mental help she'll need to help her cope with such a life altering event. Also, I would want my daughter to tell me her self, It may cause more friction if you do the telling, so please keep that in mind.  And remember, there is such a thing as open adoption, where the birth parent(s) are kept up to date concerning the baby.  Or maybe a closed adoption until the baby reaches a certain age and then has the right to make contact if all parties can agree on an age disclosure is to be made.  Just some idea's to ponder over, I do hope she opts for adoption or if at all possible, to keep the baby herself.

She'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Good Luck!!

Answer 10

I am 34 and adopted.  While i know that sometimes abortion is necessary, when i think that my biological mother could have aborted me it scares me to death.  I have unique perspective, so coming from and adopted person, if my mother had aborted me i would not be here right now.  9 months is not forever and even thought it might feel like it at the time, people don't really care when you get older if you got pregnant young.  They do however remember if you had an abortion or if you did the right thing and let the child live and then have it adopted.

Answer 11

neither. she had the s*x, now she has the consequences of such actions. sorry to be blunt but that's all this. just another way for people to avoid the consequences of their actions. and why would she want to place a child for adoption, only to have that child always wonder who gave birth to them? if she must do one of the two, she should place the baby for adoption, and then make all information that child will need throughout their lives available to them. and make sure that she registers so the baby can find her later on when she grows up.

Answer 12

If she is adult enough to have s*x, she needs to be adult enough to tell her parents.  Then, I believe everyone has a choice about their pregnancy, but I think she should put the baby up for adoption.  I feel that, again, if you are adult enough to have s*x, you should be able to handle the consequences.

Answer 13

i really think she should keep it.  i would.  abortion is murder, and adoption is cruel.  think about how the kid will feel being an orphan and being sent from family to family.  she should talk to the father about it.

Answer 14

I know women who have hated themselves for the rest of their lives for giving up their child. Even therapy cant make that pain go away. They have never come to terms with it. They even post messages trying to find them. I feel for you. You will have to carry that heartache  for the rest of your life. Men could loose body parts and still not understand that pain. Their body parts arent still walking the earth. Even women who have had an abortion learn to pretend it never happened, but you cant when you give it up for adoption. It may be the "morally" right thing, but you hurt more, forever. People can be cruel. Judgmental hypocrites are everywhere. They will never understand until they experience it. They can't.

Answer 15

she should be the one to tell her parents, and she shouldn't put it up for adoption or abort it!

she had unprotected s*x, so she should go through with having and raising the baby.

tell her that if she doesn't want another baby, then she should be on birth control, and have her boyfriend use a condom!

Answer 16

adoption....and yes you are a good friend. I think it's fine if you are with her for support as she tells her parents. encourage her to talk to them.

network mommy: you are awesome! thank you so much for sharing your story. God bless, girl!

Answer 17

How old is your friend? I personally would not have an abortion, unless she was raped or abused.  And she should be the one to tell her own parents. She needs to be reposonsible about these choices, and having you do it is not responsible at all.

Answer 18

I think you can only be supportive of your friend and let her know the situation is not Black and White.... There is the choice to be pregnant---the choice to allow the baby to be adopted and the choice to parent....

The best thing to do is be supportive to your friend and let her know your own personal feelings--but, not try to convience her of making a decision for adoption....

I see a big difference in wanting to help her NOT chose abortion but, not because it is the only other choice besides adoption....These two choices are not the same--one is about giving birth and the other is about parenting....

I support your efforts to help her decide to give birth if at all possible--after that she needs to make the choice to parent or not herself...you can be supportive but don't try to get her to agree with you and do something just because You would or you feel it is best for her....that is how you can lose a friend.

As for talking to her parents--I would say I would be happy to be there with her as moral support but, this information needs to come from her....not you.....

Answer 19

I think a lot of the people who are saying adoption, have never given a child up, and wondered for years, if the child would show up at their door, wondering, why did you give me up? Why didn't you love me enough to keep me? Those people have no idea what it's like to live without your baby, every Birthday, so torn up, it's hard to function. Every christmas, wondering where is she? Is she happy? Giving your baby up does something to you, messes up your self esteem, makes you sick inside and makes it hard to have a good relationship with anyone.

I did not have an abortion, not sure even if it had been legal if I could have done it.

Your friend needs to make up her own mind and tell her parents herself.

Before she gives up her child she needs to talk with other birthmoms and get some counseling.

Answer 20

I'd say adoption...but it's a hard road and you know, only your friend can make that choice....not you, not her parents...she needs to explore her options...whatever she decides, she needs to consider  everything and be able to live with her choices.....goodluck!

Answer 21

I can tell you from my own experiance with abortion if I had the choice I would have chose adoption. My mother was dead set against me having a child at 15, so she didn't give me the choice. I tried running away but they found me.

If your friend needs help be there for her but I think she should be the one to break the news to her parents.

Answer 22

Be there to support your friend when she tells her parents.  Maybe her parents will be more understanding than she would realize.  Let her read the reply you got here from the woman that had the abortion.  I think it would open her eyes to the seriousness of her decisions.

Answer 23

of those two choices.. adoption, defintely

Abortion is murder, and can mess your friend up emotionally for life..

Although she shouldn't be so quick to assume she cannot PARENT the child.. she should look into recources that will allow her to keep the baby and finish her education.

but no abortion.. yucky.. selfish.. murder

Answer 24

She should tell her parents herself, how are you really involved in this. Your not the one that got her pregnant and you didnt make the choice to have s*x. She needs to take responsibility for her actions and decide with her parents what would be best for her based on her age, what she wants in the future and whether she can go through with the abortion. I hold no opinion on what she should do but it is something that requires a lot of thinking through so she wont regret it later. I wish both of u the best, hopefully it all works out!

Answer 25

I don't know how old she is, but there is a third option here.  Parenting her child herself.  If she decides not to have an abortion, then there are TWO remaining alternatives, not one.  She has time to figure out what she wants to do, it's not urgent that she make a decision now.  If she decides to parent, there's a lot of support out there to help her.  She will  need lots of support, and it sounds like you will be in a great position to provide that support.  Just keep reminding her that you'll be there for her no matter what she decides.

Answer 26

It's a hard decision for her to make. There are good points and bad points about adoption. Good first--- Child is giving a chance to live a maybe good life. Second a couple that can't have a child can expertise the joys of being parents.

Here's the down points- Is your Friend going to be able to get over giving her child away.? Second are you really sure the child goes to a good home and then how is the child going to feel when he or she gets older and finds out about her. She will always have to be truthful to her future husband.

  How about the natural dad?

Answer 27

I think your friend should talk to her parents first. If she wants you to help her, and you're willing, that's great.

The decision to abort, or relinquish, or parent... once her parents are informed, everyone will need a little time to think things through before such a big decision is made.

Answer 28

abortion causes many emotional damages that are underreported....at least with adoption she will know her child has a chance at life, although that also has its own set of emotional trauma. she should tell her parents and if possible try to keep her child. TRUST ME...i was given up and informally adopted at 16 by my g-mom and am glad to have life even tholugh life was hard growing up....also when i was raped at 18 had an abortion that to this day (30yrold) i regret with my whole soul and have suffered post abortion syndrome. check out this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HD4OWT-5B...

Answer 29

Well this is a decision she will need to make on her own. Although in my opinion she should either parent or place for adoption. This baby did not ask to be conceived if she felt she was old enough to have s*x then imo she needs to deal with the consequences of her actions. Yes she needs to break the news to her parents again if she felt she was mature for s*x then she should be mature enough to go and speak to her parents.

I would advice that she sees a counselor a place like planned parent hood.  They can go over her options with her. If she decides to parent they can help her gather resources to do such, if she decides on adoption they can help find a reputable agency. Frankly if she decides to carry to term she does not have to decide if she wants to parent or place, straightaway she could even wait up till the child is born.  Also please remember that if she did pick adoption the baby’s biological father would have to agree to it as well.

Answer 30

Abortion is not nearly as emotionally scarring as some people would have you believe.

Everyone experiences things differently, but there is support out there for women who have had abortions and are not feeling good about it, more support than I would gather for women who have placed babies for adoption and need emotional support.

Both choices are hard...so is choosing to parent at a young age.

If she wants to have an abortion, your job is NOT to talk her out of it, but to be as supportive as you can be to her before and after the abortion.  If it is something she wants to do, well who are you to tell her that she is making the wrong choice?  This is her body, her choice, and instead of making her feel awful about a traumatic event in her life, you need to be part of her support system.  She will need someone to lean on in.

I had an abortion when I was 17.  And I don't regret it.  What I do regret was not having more of a support system in place before hand so that I wouldn't have had to make the decision alone...so that I didn't have to feel alone.   I regret that at 17 I had to make such a life changing decision quickly, but I think I made the right choice in the end and eventually became a more grounded, emotionally stable person because of, or in spite of the abortion.

By age 45, 1 out of every 2.5 women in the United States has had at least one abortion.

Answer 31

first she needs to calm down, she doesn't have to make any decisions yet.  DO NOT ENCOURAGE ABORTION TO HER, this is not fair to the baby, although posting this question i'm sure you've heard lots of that.  you can tell her to email me, i have recently just been through this situation.  i am 17 and my baby is 3 months old.  

at first i thought adoption right away, i was 16 when i got pregnant and i thought that there was no way i could do this.  i went through parents and there didn't seem to be anyone right.  then i found out that it wasn't that they were going to be great parents to my baby, it was because i inwardly thought that i was the only parent for my child.  i decided to keep him and it has been a blessing upon my life.  yes it is hard and it makes you grow up fast.  i am finishing my school and taking him with me, its an outreach school so your friend could finish her school too.  my boyfriend has a good job now finally and things are going well, things are tight but i wouldn't want it any other way.  i plan on doing a short college course as well.  it doesn't mean her life has to end.

after all that it depends on how old she is too.  i would not suggest keeping the baby if she is 15 or younger but there are always special cases, she could be wiser than her years but thats not for me to decide.  good luck and tell her to email me if she wants to talk further.

be a good friend and support whatever she chooses