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Pregnant -alone- confused

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My story is kind of a long one. And any advice that can be given is appreciated. I have been with a guy on and off for 9 years now. I have a three year old son and daughter due in October. We have had a rocky past ( i believe mostly in part because we were high school sweethearts and had alot of learning to do). We had previously been engaged when my son was an infant, however- I chose to give the ring back and ended our relationship after he began hanging out with a group of guys who created alot of problems. It had seemed as though my ex had regressed back to his high school years while I was at home with our baby.He lost contact with us for 6months and then decided he wanted to be a parent again. Nevertheless, we went through custody and visitation for our son and had a plan worked out we both could live with. I still have had feelings for him, i was just hoping somewhere in my head he would grow up and we could actually be a family.

About a year goes by- and I decided I needed to tell him how i felt and try to make things work again. We had alot of family time together and it all seemed to be coming together. And then I fond out in March(08) I am pregnant with our second child. I was nervous but happy! I honestly thought it might be a blessing in disguise. He kind of acted indifferent, and I assumed that maybe it was because it was our second or that he was just being a guy ( scared ) or whatever. We had talks about it and abortion had came up, I told him no- and that even if we did not end up together we would not have another custody issue , it could remain the same as our son had been on. And things were ok, we still had stupid fights but for the most part we got along. I have gotten close with his mom and used her as a support system when things do get hard.

He had asked me to move in with him, and I am in my last year of nursing school so I told him as soon as i graduate I will, so he is not left supporting me and 2 babies.I thought that was the most responsible thing to do, but maybe I am wrong.

But anyway, since June my life has been in a downward spiral. My parents ( whom i have been very close to ) are seperating due to an affair, my mother who had been sober for 12 years began drinking again. And I needed him more than ever. Even though I am an adult, it has hit me equally as hard. I spent alot of time with him and just wanted to create a stable family. And as soon as things look up- he starts getting text messages from an ex (someone with him during custody issues). Instead of confronting him, i talked to his mom, she told me the girl had been too obsessive and he had quit talking to her. She had also just seperated from her husband. So I let it go. I didnt want to create a issue out of nothing. And then a week later, my bf and I go out to dinner. The whole time this girl is texting. I finally said something, I do not know if it was hormones or what, but I broke down in tears. I can't deal with anything else going wrong. He said she will not leave him alone and he loves me. I have never had infedelity issues with him in the past, so once again, i let it go. Well again for the past two nights- she has been at it- and last night I had enough. I told him his girlfriend must desperatley need to talk to him, "SHE NEEDED TO TALK TO HIM ASAP", and then later wrote why are you not responding- ?, he basically ignored me for the rest of the night- and i decided to just go home rather then spend the night then hurt myself more. I am now almost 7 months pregnant, and literally going insane. I do not know what else I can do- I feel like its my fault for s******g everything between us up. But at the same time, I am not sure what any other person would have done. I know this is long and possibly confusing, but i need advice on what to do? do i leave him alone until he comes around? should I call this girl and see if something is going on? I feel like such a fool.

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  1. Wow, okay yeah that IS a lot of stuff to get through...but guess what...you will.

    lets look at the good side here first: your kids DO have a loving and commited mommy, right? you are almost a nurse, right? Both good.

    You need to think about ( don't think too long...get a move on here) leaving this man in your past. I absolutely believe he should pay child support.  One of your comments was you were hoping to create a stable family. Listen to me, he does not want the same thing. Look at your finger...no ring? Nope, he does not want the same thing. He wants to play...and then getting phone calls from some other chick?? Oh no no no...that is NOT a man who is commited to anything or anyone. ( Even if the mother says he doesn't like that girl, he is still getting calls from her, which tells me he did not put his foot down and say he already has a woman)

    My suggestion is move into your own place, provide the best you can for your babies, and stay away from him. He has no respect for you or the children, and if he did then why do you feel this way?

    You should know that you are worthy to have someone who really loves you more than himself. You don't have to lower your standards to get a man. Someday you could meet a great guy who does want the whole family thing, and more importantly wants YOU just for who you are. You have to demand such things out of life to get them.

    I just read your edit: yes, honey, babies are a blessing! I can tell you are a good mommy too, just have a hurt heart. Hugs to you...you'll do the right thing.


  2. You need to get birth control immediately after having this baby.  Don't bring any more babies into this world until your personal life is stable and drama free!

    It sounds like you still have some growing up to do.....and your children will have to suffer through it with you.  

  3. I applaud you! You are the MOST responsible and carring and mature mother I've seen on this site! It is not your fault at all! he is a jerk and shouldn't be texting his EX all the frikkin time! I can't believe he ignored you! I want to tell you to move on and find a better guy, but I know that can be hard when you love and have kids with someone. Try and get over him...Is what I would do. Not all at once..but just tell yourself he isn't worht all the tears and sad nights, that YOU deserve better and your kids deserve a stable and CARING daddy for them AND you. He's a loser from what I read...hunnie get rid of him ASAP. You aren't a bad mom for NOT being with him.

  4. You're doing what any caring mother would do- attempting to put a stable family together for your kids.  I respect that.  It is NOT your fault that things have soured between you and your boyfriend.  Then again, it's impossible to know if it's him, either.  Sometimes it's nobody's fault.  Since you said you've never had fidelity issues in the past, give him the benefit of the doubt for now.  Invest in relationship counseling.  Hopefully, being with a therapist will allow both of you to air your feelings without getting defensive.  However, if it doesn't work out, you'll at least know that you've given it your best shot.

    <3 Kelsey

  5. You have to talk with him. You are pregnant and you cannot have all this stress building in your life. See what his plans are. If he wants you to move in with him then he should not be talking to ANY girls. If he wants to have a life with you then he needs to tell the girl who is texting him all the time to F*** off! He needs to call her with you there! He needs to tell her that he has a pregnant girlfriend that he is with now and she needs to stop calling! If he does not do this or if he gives you a hard time then leave him. You have been dealing with this drama for way to long and its either going to work now or its not going to work at all. You WILL be okay without him. If you truly believe you want him in your life then you both need to lay everything out and discuss everything! Your child and soon to be new baby need this resolved,  and so do you. Do not p***y foot around any longer! If he is not ready to make a full commitment to you Now then tell him you are not moving in with him. Write down all your thoughts and make your life everything you want it to be. Every women deserves this!!! Good Luck!

  6. I don't think that he is cheating on you, but I do think that he is using this girl to make you jealous.  He sounds like he has a few issues to work out for himself so he can grow up and be a Dad and partner to you.  I wouldn't call her, because more than likely she thinks she has him and will likely say something to set you off and your bf will think that you don't trust him which even though he is causing, can't see it.  I strongly suggest you two go to couples counselling and see what you can do to work this out one last and final time.  More than likely he is emotionally confused and even may feel a little guilty about getting you pregnant a second time and harbours some odd feelings about being a father again.  He may be more afraid than you think of losing you, so he's cutting you off so he can spare himself the pain.  I would just get a babysitter for a night for your son, get rid of the cellphone and have a heart to heart with him.  Start off by telling him you love him more than life and you're so happy that you can share another child with him and that he has made you very happy.  Go on to tell him that you have some fears and are assuming some things that only he can clear up.  Tell him what your fears and assumptions about this girl are.  Don't be threatening or accusing.  Just let him talk.  Once you get him talking, just ask questions here and there to keep it going.  When you finally feel that you have all you need to know on the table ask him if there are any fears or assumptions on his side of things.  Don't get defensive and don't act upset.  Be relaxed and easy going and just answer them truthfully.  You guys may get further than you think!  Hope everything works out!

  7. wow, I am really sorry!  This is definitely not an easy thing to deal with when you are 7 months preggo with the 2nd child.  Here's the thing, you may not be able to trust what he says about her...so yea you could call this other girl and she what she has to say....but that may lead up to a fight between you and your man later.  If he is like you "rock" during all of the separations in your family and he is someone that you rely on and confide in, I wouldn't necessarily just drop him to hope that he comes back around.  My best advice is to sit down and talk to him about EVERYTHING.  Make him shut his phone off while you do it too.  Then ask him if he minds if you talk to the ex next time she calls.  She is an ex for a reason and if nothing is going on then he shouldn't have a problem with it.  If they are still friends, then as friends this problem shouldn't exist if he were to tell her not to call or text all the time like that because it makes you mad/upset.  You need to get to the bottom of what's going on in your relationship...and if it is strong enough to last.  If not, then you need to get out now, take the kids, and start being a strong mom.  Good luck sweetie!

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