Pregnant and don't know what to do?

Question

I'm 17 and have known for a little while. My bf doesn't want a baby, I don't think I can handle a baby. I'm scared to tell my mom. Can I give it up for adoption without her knowing about it? Or does she have to give consent since I'm underage.

I can go stay with my Aunt until it is born, and she'd never have to know. I don't want to upsent anyone. I just want what's best for my baby.

I'm in Texas btw.

Thx

Answer 1

Your local Crisis Pregnancy Center should be able to give you some good advice. They will be very supportive, regardless of whether you choose to raise your baby yourself or place it for adoption. There's also a lot of good information on their website from women who've been through the same thing you're going through. They are a religious (Christian) organization, but no one's going to hit you over the head with a Bible or shame you for anything you've done.

Answer 2

I can't claim to know how you feel but I really want to help.  I wish I could be there in TX for you.  Since I can't, maybe this link will be encouraging to you...

http://www.bfl.org/Crisis+Pregnancy.aspx...

There's an e-mail link at the bottom of the page where you can contact someone for help.

Also, I agree that your mom should know about it.  It's going to be extremely difficult to tell her but, even though she'll be shocked/upset, you'll feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

Think about your mom and how much she loves you.  I don't know her but most moms want what's best and will be there to help.

Answer 3

Hey..i can understand what you are going through but you have to tell your mom about it. She will be the best guide for you during this period. She might get a little upset in the start but...it will be in your best interest to tell her.

BTW there is no way that you can hide this entire pregnancy episode from her. You know during the pregnancy your body goes through so many changes that sooner or later she will find out. And then she will be most upset.  So good luck girl and prepare your self to tell her.

Answer 4

The short answer is that you don't need your mom's permission to place your child for adoption.   That said - you SHOULD tell your mom.  I am sure that she will be much more supportive that you imagine she will be.  

Gladney is a big agency in texas from what I hear.  Maybe try them.

Answer 5

There is so much I would want to say in reply to this question and I'm going to do my best to say what needs to be said.

The plain as day fact is that you are pregnant.  By giving birth to your child, it will change your life.  Giving birth to your child will impact your life regardless of whether you choose to parent your child or relinquish your child for adoption.  This is the opportunity to create the change needed to make the impact of which you choose effective in protecting the outcome that you and your child will have to live with.

For example, in either parenting or relinquishing, you will need the support of your family with you.  It isn't as easy as you are assuming to birth a baby, leave that baby with an agency and go home like nothing has happened.  It takes time to recover from birth and between the hormone crashes, your body recovering from pregnancy, and living with the loss of your child, what you are proposing is complete secrecy.  It's not fair to you, nor to the people who love you.

If you are going to parent, or if you are going to relinquish, face those choices head on.  Secrecy will do you in.  There is a book called "The Girls Who Went Away" which is the actual stories of other girls like you that disappeared while pregnant and came back to the lives without their children.  Read that book.

Here is a booklet by Concerned United Birthparents about what every woman considering adoption for her child should know.

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

Also, a study was done on adoption in America right now and how we should be protecting the rights and wellbeing of birthparents.  I think it gives some food for thought on what you would be in for when considering adoption so that you aren't taken advantage of.

http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/publica...

To sum this up, secrecy is *not* the answer that you hope it will be.

Answer 6

Your mom will understand and can give you better guidance then anyone on here.  My advice is just suck it up and tell her. She's your mom and moms never get so mad they don't love their children anymore.  You need her now so tell her.

Answer 7

I understand you're scared, but honestly it is best you tell your Mom. She'll be upset at first I'm sure, but will cool down, think about it some, & help you make the right decision. Don't worry about other people's upsets, I'm sure both you & your boyfriend were upset when you found out. This isn't just going to go away, it's something to deal with. You never know, it might not go as you expect. What is best for your baby is honesty that he/ she is coming into the world. Your Mom may even warm up to the situation as time goes on, if not at least you didn't rob her of her 2 cents. It's a pretty big secret to keep & hurtful at that. Plus if she can find it in her heart to be supportive(even if it's not right away), you'd be robbing your baby of the love his/ her Grandma may have to offer. Best thing is to be honest, face your fear, & think things through. It's scary, but you CAN do it.

You may have to grow up quicker than planned, but maybe that's what was written for your destiny. From one of your other posts I can tell you have a lot of love to give to this baby, so make certain you look at everything from all angles. You're definitely not alone, there are many young Mothers out there who rise to the occasion & never regret having not given up their babies. Father in picture or not. Too bad if he doesn't want it, maybe his family will be more accepting or he'll grow to care, regardless however he still has obligation as you did not make this baby on your own. While he may choose not to have a relationship with your child, he'll still have to help you support it. Adoption isn't always bad, but really should be a last resort. Talk to your Mama. I wouldn't make this decision without her. Best wishes & take care

Answer 8

the very first thing I think you should do is talk to your mom

no matter how dissapointed you think she will be or even if she is real dissapointted

at least she will know and can help you and guide you

we dont know what your mom is like, but you ask a question and hope for the best advise.

I realy would like to see you talk to your mom, and seek her advice, and see if maybe she would be willing to help out.

you should realy think twice about giving the baby up - yes it was a mistake - you are only human and mistakes happen, but dont make the baby pay for it. he/she deserves to know his real parents, and deserves the many years of love you have to give

I am sure you are scared, and that is natural

if your mom isnt willing to help, then go to your aunt and be safe, and ask your aunt for help

see if maybe either one of them would be willing to help you raise the baby until after your done with school and have a good job

Answer 9

Please please please tell your Mom soon! I promise you will not want to live with this secret and it will eat away at you! Even if you don't tell her now you will have to eventually because you are a minor (therefore she will have to consent). If you still decide to give the baby up I would suggest that you look for a family privately. It is much more personal that way and you will have a better chance of being able to see the baby if you want an open adoption. A friend of mine gave her baby up for adoption to a family that she chose personally, and they let her come see the baby often. Good luck with your decision! You are very brave!

Answer 10

Family secrets are toxic, please don't lie to your Mom.   Of course, you know her best and it's natural to be scared, but you may be surprised by her reaction.   And Grandmas  have an amazing ability to change their attitude once they meet their little grandbaby for the first time

Look at your options, but don't make any rash decisions or plans set in stone until you're absolutely sure.

Once an agency get's reels you in, they won't let go - they'll do everything to ensure relinquishment happens.  They'll befriend you and counsel you, manipulate you and won't leave you an 'out' so please remember there is always an 'out' as long as you haven't signed anything

Take care of yourself.  I hope it works out for you and your baby.

Answer 11

You should def. talk to your mom. She may love the idea and be willing to help you out since you really cant do it on your own.

Answer 12

Your mom does not have to give you consent.  Once you are pregnant you are treated like an adult when it comes to the pregnancy issues.  You can do whatever you want with the baby.

Answer 13

The guy is a jerk and you should kick his backside.

You should tell your mom...she must know...

If you can handle the idea of never having your baby with you again and not knowing where he is you can just say at the hospital that you do not want the baby. There is the "no questions asked"policy if you want to leave the baby there.

If you tell your mom you two can look for some adoption agency where they have open adoptions, so you WILL know where the baby is and with whom he is (I think this is the BEST option if you do not want the baby).

Please visit this site and plan the adoption of your baby here www.itsaboutlove.org

The baby will have a wonderful family that YOU will choose and they will LOVE and CARE for your baby forever.

Answer 14

Amber,

Your mother will likely find out about her grandchild, if not now, when she may be able to help you keep your child, then perhaps 18 or 20 years down the road when your son or daughter becomes an adult. I don't think it will be easier in 20 years to tell her that you've kept her grandchild a secret from her for all of these years, and if you choose to do this then your aunt will also have to keep the secret. There will be a lot of hurt feelings somewhere down the line. Secrets are hurtful to yourself and others.

Can you get your aunt to go with you for moral support when you tell your Mom? If there is any way that you can get your parents (and/or your boyfriends parents or any other adult that you can trust) on your side you need to do so. Presenting your situation – as a family and an extended family that is willing and available to support you will strengthen your position as a mother. At the very least, can you tell your parents that you want a 6 month (or longer) trial in which to raise your son or daughter (their grandchild for goodness sakes!) and that you need their help during this time.

There are resources available to you to help you keep your child with you:

http://www.fns.usda.gov/fns/az-map.htm

(some food/nutrition links that might be useful – along the lines of WIC; Child and Adult Care Food Program (CACFP); infant formula database, Milk Program (may be part of WIC), etc.)

There are also some sites that you might want to look through to see how other young Moms are making it work:

http://www.girl-mom.com/

http://motherhelp.info/keepingyourchild....

Also take a look at this:

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_fa...

I lost my child to adoption in 1984. He was my only son, and my only child. It is not a situation that I would wish on anyone. It is so very painful to lose your child, to miss out on their entire childhood and to be left with shattered pieces of what should have naturally been a mother/child relationship.

Good luck to you and your baby!

Answer 15

At first u can act like u usually would but don't drink liqueur. When it gets more serious my mom laid in  bed for 4 months but u don't need to. Sometimes read to it while u are still pregnant because it will help the baby really know who his mother is. Eat healthy.

Giid Luck.

Answer 16

your mom doesn't have to give consent because once you give birth to the baby you are no longer considered a minor.

Good luck!

Answer 17

I think u should tell your mom. She maybe a little disappointed that u didn't use protection but she will except it. U never know she may welcome this child with open arms. You need her now more than ever. As far as your boyfriend if he didn't want a baby he should have made a choice to protect his self. He has some nerve. Sweetheart u need to tell them both. Good luck

Answer 18

Amber,

Please don't give your baby away! Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  There is no turning back once you give your child away.

"Open" adoption is not always honored, which means the adoptive parents can pull the plug at any time, and move away, and you will miss your child's entire childhood.  The agreements are not legally enforceable.

You should tell your mother about your pregnancy, she might be able to assist you in raising this child.  Lots of women raise children on their own.  I just read an article about a book that was written by a woman from Texas, who kept her child, and encourages others to do the same:

http://www.amazon.com/Holding-Her-Head-H...

Here is a blog entry from a woman who almost let her child go:

http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2007/10/...

Some sites that might help:

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.com

http://www.origins-usa.org

Good Luck!

Answer 19

Please talk to your mom....I'm a mom and would be upset but as a mom we love our children and do forgive.  She doesnt have to give consent it is your baby if adoption is what you want but really think about it first.  Im in Illinois and you can talk to me anytime and I will be a friend and listen.

Answer 20

Oh Sweetie. I completely understand what you are going through. I too have found myself in a similar situation. The best agency to go through is the lds family services. You can go to www.itsaboutlove.org and get in touch with them. and you can even look through potential adoptive families. Best wishes!

Answer 21

Well, thank you for thinking of the baby above yourself (I mean, not going the abortion route.. I'm not trying to imply that adoption is best)

I think first off, you SHOULD tell your  mom.. Really.. if she loves you at all, she will support you and try to help you.. Do you think she'll push you to abort? Why are you scared?? She  may be disappointed at first, but honey she loves you and she wants to help you through the difficult times.. You really need her.. But I don't know you, her or your relationship with her, so I can't say for sure.. but it's unlikely you will really hide this 100%

Before going the adoption route, there are tons of different programs and things that can help you be a good mother.. Remember, adoption carries the risk of severe regret for both you and your baby.. Definitely not something to rush into..

BUT if you insist on going that route, Make sure you get a good reputable agency that will let you hand-pick the new family.. That way you can (hopefully) have a bit of peace in knowing you did the best that you could to ensure the baby has a good family and a good life.. And make sure the agreement isn't "set in stone" before the birth, and the couple understands that you can change your mind.. Once you have your baby.. you might be amazed at how differently you feel about giving it away!! And grandmothers hearts don't stand a chance when they see that baby!! So keep that in mind when considering your mother.. she'll likely fall completely in love at first sight..

Ultimately it is your choice, and don't let ANYONE make it for you.. you just have to do what we ALL have to do in the difficult times.. make the best decision we can..

Good luck.. and, if you're mom's a loving mom.. get her on your side, okay?

Answer 22

Your mom will be more supportive then you realize! Your young so it seems scary and that your mom will be mad. yes she will be disappointed, but I had a friend who did the same thing and her mom was more upset that she didn't know and didn't get to help her.

One day you will tell your mom so you should just get it over with now and you will feel better. Plus having your mommy there to help is always nice. Your also putting your aunt in a weird situation where she would be hiding things from your mom (ma-by her sister?) so that's another bad thing

Condoms break! We all make mistakes. Your a brave girl for deciding to have the baby... keep being brave and tell your mom!  =)