Pregnant and starting first year of teaching...?

Question

I recently accepted a job as a first year teacher for the 2008-2009 school year. About a month after I accepted, I found out that I am pregnant and will be due in mid-January. I live with my boyfriend and we are getting engaged. But... where my concern lies is in the fact that I am not yet married (although we've been thinking about doing it before I start teaching if we really need to... we've been together for 6 years and it's been in the works for some time so we would not be getting married just because of the pregnancy). I will be teaching high school Biology -- the reason I am concerned about public opinion is because I am teaching high schoolers. We are telling family this week. When should I talk with my principal (who is an old family friend)? What do you think is the best way to handle the situation? Just want some input, leave your judgment at the door.

Answer 1

I'd really love to tell you that your personal life is your business, but unfortunately, there are still many schools and many parents that don't see it that way.  You're going to have to handle this situation quite tactfully. I don't know about your "social scene" (for example, if you live in a small town or attend a church where some of your students might actually attend your wedding)-- you don't have to do a shotgun town hall thing, but if you are in a situation where students or parents might take note of your wedding, you might want to do something a bit off the radar, like a destination wedding, or go to his hometown to get married.

If you are getting married reasonably soon, after your wedding, but at least 3-4 weeks before the beginning of school, have conference with your principal.  Don't bring up the "we got pregnant before the wedding thing".  Just say that you have unexpectantly found out that you are pregnant and due during the school year shortly after the Christmas break.  The good news is, the break should cover part of your maternity leave.  If you are confidential and don't draw attention to the fact that you were pregnant before the wedding, you'll have a much better chance with your principal.

  Once you start teaching, don't give the students too many details.  Just tell them you haven't been married for many years, if they ask (don't blurt out a date).  Don't announce the first day you are pregnant-- give the students a few weeks to get adjusted to your class and then as the year progresses, tell them you are getting prepped to take maternity leave.  If the students, parents, or other faculty ask why you didn't say something sooner, just explain that you didn't want to say anything until you were certain that the pregnancy was normal and the baby was healthy (beyond that, it's nobody's business).

  The key is, you have to be discret about details and pick your right moments to share them.  You don't have to lie to the students, but it's not a great idea to advertise your personal life.  I know it can often be tempting to defend your personal decisions at school, but as with all professions, there is a persona you must present to employers and when something in your personal life doesn't fit with it, you handle it quietly without drawing attention to it.  Best of luck with the wedding and baby......

Answer 2

I don't think high schoolers will think much of it.  I'd be more concerned about elementary school kids.  

Wait to tell your principal after you're through with the first trimester.  That will give you time to ensure that the pregnancy is viable, and that will give your principal plenty of time to find someone to cover your maternity leave.

If you're engaged, people will be way less judgmental about it.  So if you're planning on getting engaged and married anyway, make that daddy-to-be pop the question.  :)

Congrats!  You're going to have a very busy year ahead of you!

Answer 3

I would definitely talk about your concerns with your administrator as he is a family friend.

I have been a teacher for 3 years and often have had the same dilemnia...not beign pregnant  :).   I want to have a baby with my boyfriend but I am not interested in marrying him.  So I wonder, can I pull that off being an elementary teacher?

let him advise you on your area and how liberal the parents might be...

Good luck on your pregnancy and your teaching job.

Answer 4

It happens. They shouldn't judge you because you're in a long-term monogamous relationship and you've been planning to get married anyway. People marry to have children. So what if the baby came first before the wedding?

Answer 5

I would try to tell him as soon as you can because he did you a favor in hiring you- you don't want to leave him hanging and scrambling to find a replacement when you start showing.  I def. think you should be professional about it... but I dunno, should you really keep this job if you are leaving in January?  I mean, it's going to be tough on the kids to get used to a long-term substitute and it's one thing if you worked many years at this job.  But I don't think it would be a good idea to go into a class as a 1st year teacher- I'm not trying to judge, but it just doesn't look right.  What I mean by that is that your 1st  year teaching is the year that you need to be on point and you are going to be judged by the administration and your peers.  Also, my 1st year teaching- I spent the year stressed out!!!!! You don't want to be completely stressed out and being pregnant at the same time.  But congrats on being pregnant that's really great!!!! Just think it through and weigh out your options.... maybe you can substitute for a while?  Good luck on whatever you decide!

Answer 6

Wow!  I remember being in junior high, and one of my sister's teachers had a baby out of wedlock.  It was the talk of the school for a long time.  However, this was twenty years ago and in Mississippi, so I'm sure the stigma was quite different then.

Later in life, when I was in college, my live-in boyfriend graduated before I did and took a job that required him to move.  I was actually taking a break from school at the time (no money), so I moved with him.  Because this was also a small town in Mississippi, we felt it was in our best interest to tell people we were already married.  If you feel comfortable telling your students that you are already married, what's it going to hurt.  You could even go ahead and have a civil ceremony to make it official if you had an issue with "bending the truth."

As for telling your principal, it should not make them feel any differently at all.  In fact, I would tell them before it become obvious so the two of you can develop a plan for a long-term substitute.  This shows professionalism and concern for your students.

One thing I would be worried about, on a different subject, is how maternity leave will effect you financially.  Check with your HR department ASAP about this.  If I'm not mistaken, FMLA law does not help you financially; it only makes sure that you do have your job (or similar job) when you return.  And I think you have to have worked at the job for 12 months before you can use FMLA leave.  So your employer might have something to say about how much time you take off and if you will receive any kind of pay.  You should get a few sick days and a few personal days starting day one of employment, but definitely not enough to cover even two weeks of leave.  And here's something that really stinks about the district that I work in.  We get 10 months pay for our work but it is spread out over 12 months, so there is a discrepancy with the "daily rate" which is based on 10 months of employment and what we are actually paid.  When someone takes off time for maternity leave and they don't have enough sick/personal days to cover the pay, the "daily rate" based on 10 months employment is deducted from their paychecks instead of what you would get paid for the same amount of days based on 12 months of paychecks.  I have seen people lose more money than they make because they did not have enough sick/personal days.  I sure hope this does not happen to you because having a baby is expensive.  Also, check into your health insurance very closely once you receive all the paperwork.  Some companies have real issues if you are pregant before the policy starts.  And policies typically do not start until the school year begins.  My policy begins on Sept. 1 of every year even though we begin several weeks before that.

Congratulations to you, and good luck.