Pregnant and stressed...?

Question

I guess I'm just stressed and need to talk to someone neutral...lol...but here goes. I'm 19 weeks pregnant, I've been married almost 4 months (it was planned before baby), and lately it just seems like the man is driving me crazy...is this normal?!? I'm in the part of my pregnancy where I have energy back, and I feel a little self conscious and...well honestly a nice gesture from him would be great...but at least to go out and have a good time once in awhile. I work second shift (and he's on the same sleeping schedule) , so after work its usually that only food places are open. Which, I'm always starving so hey! great for me right? Well, he likes to drink (we've discussed it and he knows he has to quit this c**p BEFORE baby) so he never wants to go and eat with me. Or do anythine else for that matter. And when I actually get him to go with me he just sits there all depressed about it and we don't have a good time or even a good conversation...And frankly, the drinking is just making it worse. When I come home and he's drunk it just annoys me now. I don't want my kid brought up like this. I had no problem with it before I got pregnant, and every time I bring it up he gets all upset about it (says I KNOW I have to quit I will) so I just try to avoid it and HOPE TO GOD that he actually quits. If he doesn't, I will leave him..which is something I worry about a lot...what if I have to leave, daycare is outrageous and my family isn't very responsible so I wouldn't even ask them...I try to think of plans of what I would do - I have a good job, but alone I would qualify for assistance so I'd probly go to that for awhile. Currently, he has no job, which is another worry...he just up and quit is last one thinking he'd be fine in getting another, but now no one will call him back to hire. I know that stress is not good for the baby...how do I stop...?!? 4 months ago I was completely in love with this guy, and now I don't even get along with him...is is just the hormones?

Answer 1

My first husband was an alcoholic and when I became pregnant with my daughter I kept waiting and waiting for him to stop drinking.He didn't. After she was born he continued. All the responsibility of caring for the baby was on me. We fought about it. I was completely in love with this little person and I couldn't understand why he didn't take it as seriously as I did. He could also be abusive if he was angry enough. I guess the fighting became too much and he left us when she was a month old. I couldn't believe he had abandoned me alone with a baby. A few weeks later he wanted to come back but guess what, I wouldn't let him. I knew that even if I didn't care enough about me to get away from an abusive alcoholic husband, I cared about her.I had to protect her. Your husband is too far into his addiction to care about anyone else but himself. I am so sorry. He is probably also using the "stress" of this pregnancy as just another reason to drink. My daughter is 13 now and my ex-husband is still an alcoholic.We are civil to each other but I still can't forgive or forget how he let me down. On the plus side, I did meet a wonderful man who loves my daughter and we married when April was two. My advice is to look at your situation with opened eyes. Forget the feelings and love and the hope you have that he will change. You need to be a little mean now and protect yourself. Feel your family out and find out how much help you can expect from them when the baby gets here.Save part of your paycheck, if you can. Hide it. You'll need it later. If you haven't already, apply for every bit of government assistance you can.They will help you get child support if it becomes necessary later. My heart goes out to you. It was the loneliest time in my life. But now you have to be strong for this baby. Especially if it's Daddy won't. I'll be praying for you.

Answer 2

Hi,

I think the most important thing to start with is to get your baby into a good sleep routine.  I had massive problems with getting my 4 month old son to sleep.  He would just lie awake and cry for hours, then when he finally went to sleep he would wake every hour or two hours through the night and cry again!  Talk about pulling our hair out .... we were absolutely desperate for sleep!

It was a baby sleep audio program recommended by a friend that finally saved us. We followed the advice and began by creating a baby sleep routine which included bathtime, dimming of the lights, putting James into his crib, final nappy change and then lullabies. We also made recommended changes to his naps during the day and used some of the other recommended techniques. Within two weeks he was sleeping through the night most nights with just the odd night where he would just wake once!

Definitely start by creating a good baby sleep routine though and you could find that solves most of your baby sleep problems.

Good luck!

If you want to take a look, the audio program is at http://www.babysleepsolution.com

Answer 3

My daughter's father was the same way.  Being stressed about the baby is just an excuse to drink..he may be stressed about it but not enough to do that.  My bf kept just up and leaving his job and when my daughter was 1 month old i made the mistake of leaving my child with him alone for the first time while i went to work.  I called to check up on him after a couple of hours and he wasnt answering so i was really worried and calling his mother and everyone i could.  About an hour after calling her grandpa picked the phone up and said he just left and he's there with her and somebody needs to come home to take care of the baby so i had to leave work early and i asked him why he did that.  He said because she wouldnt stop crying.  He was so selfish and only thought of himself and couldnt put the effort into making her better.  She was not a bad baby at all.  When the baby was bout 7 mos. old he finally got better but it was too late.  I was sick of all of it and i was trying so hard to get over him that one day i woke up and my feelings for him were gone.  When she was 9 mos. i broke up with him and a couple of mos. later i met the man im with now who i am marrying this november and having a baby with.  Its been over 2 years and the father is happy he has our daughter and im happy im not dealing with that c**p.  You can find someone better if he doesnt quit what he's doing in time.  It seems impossible but it always gets way better than that.  I hope he quits his drinking so you two can be happy and if he doesnt everything will work  out for you a month or two later.  It always does.  Good luck

Answer 4

Sweety, it's probably just hormones . I wouldn't divorce him, especially when you're pregnant . you'll need him even if he does seem like an a*****e . try to put up with it for just a little bit longer . if you really cant take it any more, then you've got to get rid of him . get your friend to help you through the pregnancy and i'm sure your parents will help you when the baby is born if they think you need the help .

remember . the man might be having a difficult time as well . make sure you know his side of the story before splitting .

i hope you the best honey .

Answer 5

This is totally normal. This is whatI have seen in all of my sisters pregnancies. Plus, your husbands issue isnt going to help. You need to make him realize that when you say he needs to quit that he dose need to. Tell him strait up one day before he starts drinking that if he dosnt stop ur going to have to leave and raise his child without him. The depression is common in new daddys, because it makes them feel old and like after they have a baby there life is going to be over for good. Tell him that your baby is going to need a dad, but he/she isnt going to have one if he keeps this c**p up. Plus, you need some one for support and understanding, especialy now.

Good Luck, and please, contact me if you need someone to talk to.

Billy

Answer 6

I don't think it is just hormones. There are some serious issues going on here that are definately not good and should be resolved before the baby comes. It is hard because it sounds like you both know that things need to change but it doesn't seem like he is willing to right now. When you are pregnant you need a lot of support because it is so new and so emotional. I guess my best advice would be to be very honest with him and tell him how serious you are that things need to change NOW and that you would leave him if he continues down the path he is going. If he doesn't change then it sounds like you may be looking at leaving him and trying to raise this baby alone. Do you qualify for maternity leave? Is there anyone else you can depend on to help you? This is a horrible position to be in and I am sorry that it is happening to you. If you need any support feel free to message me :)