Pregnant for the 1st time and Having a hard time with The daddy! Help!?

Question

the man i am having a baby with is *was* a good friend and now he's being a d**k about things. We had a long talk and he claimd that he was going to be there for me as a friend, mentally and physical. so we had plans to go to the drive-in and out of no where he's says hurtful things. He said that hes not my man and he doesnt want me physical. but he is the one that offerd that option to me. and when i asked to hang out with for an hour just to spend sumtime together its a big deal. Like why did he even bother? I can do this on my own. but he wants a part in it, but hes making this even harder for me. If he cant make an hour free just for me like he claims he will what makes me think hes going to be there for this baby? im lost and confused and emotional plus im not trying to have a relationship with him, i just want him to be a friend and do the things he claims, cuz honestly im not going to sleep with any other man but him cuz that would be nasty. i respect him! any ideas?

Answer 1

dump that guy yo.

Answer 2

Back off for awhile and just focus on yourself and your pregnancy.  Plan to do this totally alone, and just see wait and see what he does.  He might just be freaking out at the reality of having a baby.  Give him some time and space and you will find out whether or not he really wants to be a part of you and this baby's life.

Answer 3

Back off... Call some other friends. Do this on your own. Get everything you can comfortably ready for the baby. Set your Dr's appts. Go to them alone or with a girlfriend. Don't call him. Don't email or text.. Let him adjust.. Sometimes it's a shock for a guy to find out he is going to be a daddy. Let it sink in before you add to his demands...

Relax.. Eventually he will come around.. He is feeling desperate right now and doesn't know how to handle things. You should know by now that men have weird ways of expressing themselves if they do it all.

Don't listen to what he claims. Do what you need to; to make yourself happy. Don't rely on him for that. Not even for a 15 min sliver of time to occupy yourself. Take up a hobby.

Join a womens group. A new mothers group. Find things that interest you.. Sooner or later he will see tha you are ok and he'll slowly come back. Just don;t push.

Good luck!!!

Answer 4

It took my boyfriend (now husband) a little time to get used to the idea of being a daddy. Give him a little space and since he was a friend in the beginning, just tell him that you are willing to put a hold on your relationship with him and that you just want him for moral support and you want him to be a part of the pregnancy and the baby's life. He may turn around. My husband with our first and now second, loves to talk to baby in womb and looks forward to feeling kicks and spending time with our now 1 year old daughter.

Answer 5

You need to tell him he is either a part of this,or he isn't.He cant just chicken out when ever her feels like it.Tell him to man up,or boy out.

Answer 6

So why is he calling all the shots? Because you let him.

Sorry to say this hun but you'd really be doing yourself a favour if you forgot about him and concentrated on you and the baby. As hard as it is you can't make someone do the things you want or expect, they have to want to do it themselves and he's made it clear he doesn't.

He's told you what he thinks. He's not your man and doesn't want a physical relationship and it's obvious he can't meet your emotional needs. Listen to what he says because he means it, even if you don't want him to.  

I haven't a clue why you respect him. He doesn't respect you. This 'we can be friends' stuff is a non starter. If you have a baby you need to be as sure as you can that you are partners and committed to each other completely. It never was like that with this man and he's telling you it never will be.

You're right about not sleeping with anyone else, at least yet. Concentrate on your child and yourself and make a good life for you both. This man may be interested in your baby once it's born - but don't hold your breath. I'm sorry to sound so hard but the quicker we accept how things are the quicker we can get on with looking after ourselves.

Good luck to you and your little one and I wish you real happiness for the future.

Answer 7

Ok first of all...you had/want to have s*x with a guy you don't want a relationship with? How is that any nastier than having a real relationship with another man? You said you can do this on your own...so do it, because it's obvious that he regrets ever having done this and now he's pushing you away. I understand you want him to be a part of the baby's life, but he obviously changed his mind about that so walking away would be best for you and the baby.

Answer 8

he obviously doesn't respect u so why would u even want to sleep with him???

Answer 9

You need to give him some space!

Answer 10

he hasn't changed -he's the same person.  you made a poor choice.  don't force the fetus to pay for your error.  consider adoption and a life of better choices.

Answer 11

It sounds like you have a real jerk on your hands. When you aren't married and become pregnant it is actually 89% more likely for the man to abandon all child related responsibilities until a DNA test is done(fact taken from FLDCF website). Your pregnancy just became very complicated.

If he can't make time to just be together, he won't make time for more important things. Legally since your not engaged or married he does not have to help with any medical bills (and believe me copays can start to become expensive!), housing, clothing for baby... ANYTHING at all until after a DNA test. A baby is a huge responsibility. It took me years to save up enough money for my childs college, to buy a home, to save money to live comfortably. You now have to give up all past hopes of emotional support from this man and start doing it yourself. You have 7 or 8 months to start really SAVING money! Its not a lot of time but let me tell you it is worth it. I had a two income home, I became a Stay At Home Mom and suddenly I am glad I saved money before baby.

This guy has no respect for you. He is treating you badly already. It is just a matter of time before he denies your baby. I would cut your losses, tell him at birth you need him there for a DNA test (it costs anywhere from 500 to 1200 so be prepared to pay that, no insurance company will) then be ready to go after him for child support!!

Answer 12

You seem to be so in LOVE !!

It's OK to feel like that, but let me tell you something you could do it on your own !! Try  not to listen to his stuff or his plans with the baby.. Ignore him !!

And you'll see if he really cares about you and the baby...

But for now think about just being on your own...