Pregnant soon to be mom in desperate need of advice, HELP?

Question

got pregnant by this guy made some mistakes read this blog it explains, he filed a restraining order on my and i just need advice not criticism or hate, advice.. thanks

well im still trying to make sence and see the good in this kind of situation im in. There would be something i want to say to somebody out there but i cant just yet..

heres what i would say

Well we really got ourselves in a slump. Truely whether your ready or not or even if you never see the child, the fact is in 4 months your going to be a father. Thats just what happens sometimes.. This was an accident and accidents happen. I would also like to say that well ive thought alot about how it got to this point. Were not even on speaking terms and were having a child together whether your hear or not. Ive shifted alot of blame on you, and lately ive started to think about what i did to contribute to this hostility we have towards one another, and better yet what can i do to improve it. The

truth is i lied to you.. alot.. It started with the so called abortion i told you i got. At the time i thought you were being heartless, but i now realize i probably really hurt you at the same time when i told you the truth about not getting one after all.. In a way i betrayed your trust, and that had to have hurt you, and i hate myself for that.

Does that justify you ignoring me for 2 months solid.. absolutely not. Does that justify resentment towards me.. absolutely. I should have considered your needs and wishes about

this baby, however you as well should have considered my needs and feelings too. our mistake. And then i continued to harrass your friends as a way to get through to you..

keep in mind, i was hurt, you wouldnt answer my calls i feel like you just got me pregnant and left, and i guess i was using your friends to get through to you. but does that justify it, absolutely not. I realize i crossed a big boundary, however what i did next i feel i can justify, and if thats slanted, than i guess thats my slant, perhaps i

should have done this in the beginning, i found your parents address and i came to talk, driving 6 hours. You were livid, did you have justifiable reasons to be angry, yes.. but

does that justify you putting your hands on me with intent to cause harm, knowing i was pregnant, and your parents calling the cops on me, and pretty much you guys mentally

degrading me.. absolutely NOT! This really hurt me, the feelings i felt after that happand were awful and yes i guess i went "psycho" i made ludacris threats to you via text because i was hurt, does that justify it. no. I was acting on an impulse like you did when you started pushing me when i showed up. You filed a restraining order. Maybe

someday i can grow to understand why you felt you HAD to do that, maybe not i dont know.

all i can ask is what happens next? I have a mind full of questions i cant ask. I wonder if you will be there when the babys born, i wonder if perhaps all you needed was space and after a few months will you come around, i wonder if you could ever forgive me for hurting you and if i can forgive you for hurting me and if we can come to a happy

medium, i wonder if you will follow through on your promises to pay child support. i cant ask right now, all i can do is wait. Being angry wont help this situation, i really dont need the unneccessary stress. Hopefully we can work through this, does this mean i

want a relationship, no i dont, however i do want us to compromise and be civil, and i do want a hand in raising this child. I am moving to portland for school. Ill be there in a month, and im sorry, i really am.

Answer 1

It sounds to me like you've done some things you aren't too proud of but what's done is done.  You can't change the past but you can change your future.  You have a baby now, someone who counts on you to be mature enough to take care of them every day.  Someone who needs you to put your childish ways behind you and grow up.  If you have something to say to someone write it in a letter say your sorry (nothing more) and leave it at that.  It's up to him to make the effort to meet his child.  You don't have to get an abortion becuase the father wants you too.  You had that right to make that choice now it's up to you to make that choice the right one by being there ONLY for baby.  Being a mother is about not being selfish.  It also means stop trying to contact baby's dad.  He's got to grow up too!!!  

Your Little one is counting on you to be able to put your feelings on hold and be there for them.  I'm not sure you understand what being a mom is about yet... but very soon you will!!!!  Your little one always come before anyone else!!!  That means saying good bye to toxic people and toxic feelings!!!  

I wish you the best of luck with you baby!!!  For the sake of that baby please don't contact the father outside of mailing an apology letter and a birth announcement and a pic of baby.   Let him figure it out himself.  If he doesn't he's the one losing out. Baby will be just fine without him!!!

Answer 2

I thought it started out really strong. You said right away that you were having the baby and that he does not have to be there. So the letter started off by taking expectations off of him. That was awesome and the only way to start the letter in my opinion.

I was really impressed with it up until the parts were you said that his actions were not acceptable. It was great when you said 'such and such and your reaction was understandable.' It was good when you acknowledged his feelings... but you can't say what they are. There is too much blaming and reciting his actions. A letter of apology is you reciting your mistakes and taking responsibility with no mention of his errors. That will only bring up his defenses.

I think that it is really great except for the parts where you point out what he did wrong. I would delete all of that and keep pretty much the rest. I loved the part were you explained in detail what you did and why you did it.

I would add that you did it because you felt such and such... but be quick to add that is not an excuse. You felt such and reacted as such, and you realize that you reacted wrong. Feeling hurt and anger was not an excuse for your actions.

Instead of reciting his faults and telling him what was not acceptable. Instead of telling him what he did wrong.... I would set up my personal bounderies this way. At the very end I would say:

"I still feel upset and hurt about many of our incidents. We have had alot of bad reactions both ways and I still feel stung by some of your reactions. I am working to accept and move on from my negative feelings and I apologize for my inexcusable reactions.'

This lets him know that he hurt you too... but without the finger pointing.

It is too bad you have to work through this when you are pregnant and hormonal. I know that when I am hormonal I am a real witch. You have alot on your plate and the hormones don't make it easy on you to deal with the emotions of it all. Congradulations with the baby:)

Answer 3

I am so sorry! Why would you get a restaraining order when he tried to harm you? That seems like the appropriate thing to say in this situation. obviously you cannot give this to him in person. but I would make sure he gets it..did you write this in a letter or type it? that seems like something that you should do instead of blogging it..not trying to critize you or anything but it seems right.sincere really.

                                But right now you should be focusing on the baby! And when you come home from school he might approach you to talk just be ready!

Answer 4

talk to an attorney so you can get started on child support arrangements.

To the post above...abortion is not legal at 20 weeks along except in certain cases, like an unhealthy baby.

Answer 5

I'm not sure what your question is, but if you want my opinion - this is way too long.  A guy isn't going to read all of that, especially if he doesn't care about you.  Keep it short and to the point.  Just say you're sorry for all lies you told and the hurt you've caused, but that you're going to have the baby and hope that he will be involved in the child's life.  

Keep as much of the emotion out of it as possible - guys don't seem to do emotion much.

Good luck.

Answer 6

If he has restraining order on you. You can't have any contact with him. It be his fault if he doesn't see his kids. It best go after him for child support. If he wants to see the kids he would have to take you to court to get visitation rights. And then you still can be near him because of that. I am in the same boat has you in a different way. The father of my unborn child just shut me and his baby out of his life. Just because I dump him good while ago and he saying a lot of things about me that not true. It all on him. I am planning to go after to pay him child support. My boyfriend that I am dating now wants to be the baby father.

Answer 7

Hey, I'm a 14 year old boy, and I'm nowhere near those kinds of responsibilities yet, or type of life, but reading this brought a tear to my eye, as I can somehow feel the pain your going through.

Nothing I can do, but say I have sympathy for you and tell you this,

Don't let yourself and your baby down and become a **** up like everyone is becoming turning to drugs, alcohol, welfare, and S****y jobs. Do something with yourself, and your baby and become something.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Do the kid a favor and have an abortion.

(It's legal in all fifty states, so don't pass any moral judgments over here.)