Pregnant too soon and terrified?

Question

I already have a 1 year old (13 months) and just found out that I am pregnant again (6 weeks). That will put them 21 months apart. I am freaking out. This was not planned and I cant wrap my mind around it. We are already tight with finances, how will we pay for another? I feel so guilty about doing this to Brayden. How will I ever be able to give both the attention they deserve? We have no family here what so ever so my hubby and I will be on our own. My husband seems excited but all I can do is cry and think of the bad/hard/unknown.

Please help me! Any tips on how to get over this terrible feeling? How can I snap out of this and maybe get excited? How will I handle 2 babies under 2. I am sooooo scared!

Answer 1

It can get frustrating at times yes. When my oldest was 19months I got pregnant with my second. When my second was 3months I got pregnant with my third. So my oldest is almost 4. and I have a 17month old and 5month old. Their father went to jail when my youngest was 2 weeks old. I've been doing it on my own for over 4 months. It has definately gotten easier. You need to try and think of the positive side. They will always have someone to play with. They will grow up together. They will be closer to each other then say siblings years apart. AS for the attention thing. there is you and your husband. you can switch off. you can take the older one to the store while he watches the younger one. the first month or two would be difficult but once the baby is in a routine everything else will fall into place. Its no cake walk by all means but it will work out. I already had a 1 month old when my son was 13months so for your situation it should be a little easier in that your son will be 21 months and can do some things on his own. i wish you all the luck and congratulations  

Answer 2

In nature, a woman would be breastfeeding her baby, until three or four.  Since you are already pregnant, I am guessing you are not breastfeeding and you body has gotten the mistaken impression it lost the baby and is trying to make up for it.  First of all, stop stressing out.  You are creating a harmful internal environment for your unborn and a harmful emotional one for your first born.  Consider them to be like twins.  One just came out first.  If you keep your head together and think of the positives, this does not have to be a bad thing.  They will be close in age and have more in common.  You will get the terrible two's and three's over sooner.  More tax deductions.  You already have a lot of the baby equipment.  Of course without any guilt, breastfeed this one and you will be a better nurturer for the whole family.  

Answer 3

First of all... relax.. you will be just fine. :) I have 3 little boys.. my first two are only 16 months apart.. we too are very tight on finances but my kids wouldn't know. It was a bit difficult to bring home a newborn while having a 16 month old but I did it.. they're now 6  and 5 and they're the best of friends, so don't think that your son will be deprived or anything.. you won't believe the amount of love you'll have when you hold that new little baby and your son. You will have plenty of love to go around. I was even crazy enough to have a third. I now have a 6, 5, and 3 yr old.. and I wouldn't change anything. :) Good Luck sweetie, and don't worry so much.  oh and one more bit of advice.. really take time to enjoy your pregnancy.. with the second one it seemed to go by so fast that I had a hard time remembering things which made me sad, you will be so busy with your little guy that you almost forget your preg.. so just remember to enjoy it. :)

Answer 4

You will be able to do it. Motherly instinct will kick in once that new baby comes. It's gonna be tough at times but you'll get through it.

Imagine being in this situation....

My sister-in-law has a 10 month old daughter & she is 34 weeks pregnant.....the baby will be born before her first turns ONE (due to c-section at 37 -38 weeks).

You'll get you're quaility time with Brayden while the baby sleeps. You can also include him in helping with the baby so he won't feel left out.

As for finances--if it's another boy you will have clothes so you won't have to worry about that. Maybe start cutting back on any extras now to start saving money. I know--easier said than done.

Good luck & congrats on your new pregnancy!

Answer 5

You will get over it. I had a terrible terrible labor with my first 5 1/2 months ago, and I got pregnant 1 month after having her. my kids will be 10 months apart. I was not happy when I found out. I cried a lot. But as time goes on you become just as excited as you were for your first. You will be able to love them both! You will find ways to afford things, you might just have to give up some other things. The first time you see a sonogram of that beautiful baby all else will fade. I'm excited for my daughter to have a sibling so close to her age. You can handle it and I am sure you will do a great job. Congrats on your new little angel!

Answer 6

I have a 15 month gap between my oldest and middle, and an 18 month gap between the middle and youngest.  It's actually awesome.  My sons never have to be lonely.  They have such close little friendships with each other, and they're so happy.  You will probably have a lot of trouble coping at first, but only for the first month or two.  Then, it gets better.  Your son will probably never go through jealousy, and you will be surprised how much he will want to help you any way he can.  You will still love Brayden just as much, too.  Don't worry, your attention will split up just fine.  As for your finances, try getting involved with your local church.  Many churches have outreach programs designed to help people just like you.  They may be able to provide you with food, clothes, or even some support.  Please don't worry.  God takes care of the sparrows.  He will take care of you and your babies.

Answer 7

My babies were only 18 months apart. You will have a few months where it will be kinda hard because you will have 2 in diapers at the same time but its not that bad.  When I had my son, my daughter thought I had her a baby.  She was my baby so the new baby had to be hers.  She insisted on feeding him and diapering him.  Of course, a 18 month old feeding and diapering a newborn is not a good idea...LOL so I had to buy her a realistic baby doll and make diapers for her doll.  I also got her one of those toys bottles that look like they have real milk that disappears when you tilt it.  So when I would feed or diaper my son she would mimic me and feed and diaper her baby.  It was really a lot of fun.  Relax.  This is the best time of your life.  It may not seem like it but it is.  Now that I am older I realize how enjoyable, even though hard and chaotic having small children was.  I wouldn't mind adopting another one just to try to have that again.  Have fun and enjoy your babies.  Life is a roller coaster. You just have to scream, and go with it because it is fun.  

Answer 8

Sure your scared now, I was too when I was 21 single and pregnant.  Everyone has their situation and it seams scary when the idea of it all is new.  My son is almost 17 now and I look back and laugh because it really wasn't that tough at all.  Sure you have to cut back on things to make the money stretch and you have to dedicate time to the kids instead of going out with friends.  Give yourself a little credit that you can do anything.  Hind sight is 20/20 and you will look back 16 years from now and say "I knew I could handle this".  Good Luck

Answer 9

I have two 20 months apart, and it was an oops.

I don't think you should necessarily be excited, happy maybe -but not all the time.  

You just take it one day at a time and try to give each child as much as they need, some days you will fail.  Most days you will do just fine.

However as they get older they will hopefully be close and play together and then it will be easier than for those with kids too far apart to be interested in the same thing.  Even now that my baby is only 9 months my toddler plays with him a lot.  He plays peek-a-boo so I don't have to.  He always wants the baby in the bath with him.  Etc

Answer 10

i was freaking out at first too when i found out i was pregnant again. my daughter is a little older then you r son, shell be 2 next month, but its still scary. and to make matters worse i will be doing it completely on my own, no daddy to help :(. but i just thought of all the positive things, my daughter will have someone to grow up with and play with and she loves babies so i think she will be so excited when she understands that we are going to have one in our house together forever. i thought about the attention, but really i think it will work itself out, the things you need to do with a newborn aren't things that are to time consuming and they do sleep a lot and big sister/brother can 'help' you making them not feel left out. i figure when the baby gets older they can play and i can play with both of them, it may almost be easier because they are close in age, ins ted of trying to entertain a 6 yr old and a baby. it seems close and scary, but money problems will work out, and everything else will just fall into place, i wouldn't worry too much, enjoy it as much as possible! just think about how this is a blessing just as much as your son and you will start to feel better about it I'm sure.

Answer 11

Hang in there... my son was 10 months old when I become pregnant with this one.  I totally relate to what you are going through.  

Keep in mind that you already have most of the baby stuff from Brayden, so this one will be a lot less expensive.  You might need to get a few more clothes if this one is a girl, but you know where to find inexpensive outfits. Also if anyone asks if there is anything you need, you can ask them to send clothes.

We've been stockpiling diapers ever since we found out we were expecting again. Everytime I get a box of diapers at BJs for my son, I also get one for the new baby.  I have all different sizes.  You could do the same - it's a couple extra dollars per week right now but it could be a lifesaver in the future.

Also there are many advantages to having the children so close.  Your son is less likely to suffer from long-term jealousy issues because he'll still be at the age where he can adjust easily (and won't remember the arrival of the baby).  The kids can grow up together and you can enroll them in different activities together.

Yes money is tight, but in this economy the money is tight for everyone.  If you need to you can find a way to bring in an extra couple hundred dollars every week - there are a million ways.

You will get through this, one way or another. You will be okay.  In the long run, your children will have the benefit of being friends as well as siblings.  Good luck to you.

Answer 12

i can't help; i have no tips. i have ruby only, so i don't have any experience.

BUT: i do want to say congratulations!!! and good luck...and i am SO sure you are going to feel differently soon. i think how you feel now is normal, rational, and realistic -- and i do think most moms feel like this about the second, no matter what the age difference.

Answer 13

My boys are 13 months apart. I felt bad at first too, that my oldest would be missing out. But thats not how it is. They are GREAT friends and playmates. My husband is in the Army, so we don't live near any family either. I think maybe its just the initial shock. Once you get farther along and hear the heartbeat, I think your worries will disappear. I love that my kids are so close in age. And I think they do too. :-)

Answer 14

i became pregnant when my son turned 5 months old i was so scared i cried and i felt so guilty. my boys are now 8 and 9 years old and they are the best of friends i would do it again in a heart beat ! dont worry you will be fine and your son will always have a buddy.......

Answer 15

Well I had a planned pregnancy when Emma was seven months old.  I wanted them to be close together so they will be able to play and relate to each other.  As far as money, it is tight here too.  I buy most of Emma's clothes at yard sales and will do the same for this one....I spend maybe $20 per size.  You could potty train your oldest one and you will only have one in diapers...breastfeed and you won't have formula.  It is just as expensive as you let it be really.

Answer 16

Believe it or not most siblings are about 2 yrs apart.  Just involve Brayden (nice name by the way :) ) with the baby from the beginning.  Make him feel like he is important in everything like "Big brother helping baby sister/brother change a diaper, showing how to play with toys, introducing to grandma, etc...  Finances always seem to work themselves out.  Don't freak out!  You and your family will be fine and Brayden will start to learn a very important lesson of sharing Mommy and Daddy as long as being looked up to.

Answer 17

Honey, trust me once you get further along into the pregnancy the worries will go away, I know exactly where you are coming from, I have 4 kids with another on the way. Two of the four are 5 year old twins, whom of which are constantly begging for my attention.  But you can do it be happy your bringing another bundle of joy into the world.  I'm sure your son will love to have a sibling.

Answer 18

Once you set your eyes on that little bundle, nothing else will matter!

You wont be thinking about them in terms of how close in age they are, you'll just do what you have to do to take care of them. Because you'll love them both! It will be hard, you will want to pull your hair out, and lay on the ground and cry at times... BUT think about the bonuses:

They can keep each other entertained,

your son will learn how to share and wont be such a brat when he's out in public,

if its a boy you can keep the same baby clothes,

You already have a lot of what you need from your previous baby,

you are experienced so the second wont be so hard,

you're already sleep deprived so hey, what the h**l, whats another year?

You already know your doctor, so you're probably comfortable with him/her already!

You dont have to worry about loosing your baby weight "just yet" :) (if you had any...) AND when your second baby is born, the weight will just MELT off! Pushing a double stroller or carrying two children is great aerobic/weight training :)

You already know the Dora the Explora/ Blues Clues/ hanny manny/ doodle bops (or whatever shows your son watches) theme songs, so your new baby will think you're a genius! Plus any of these movies/merchadice/ books etc... will still be good and not outdated when your new baby is born so you'll only have to buy them once!

and mostly every single baby is a gift s/he will be different and special in his/her own way :) You'll learn to be able to cope and handle anything that comes your way :) I promise!

Good luck hope that helped (even if it was really long!)  

Answer 19

Hi, i have no experience of what you are feeling but i know of people who have had children quite close in age together and although they probably feel that they will not be able to cope to begin with you will find a way. If you and your husband just ensure that you work together as a team then you will get through it. Just focus on the positives and think about what great friends your children will be when they get a little older.

Good luck to you!

Answer 20

Make time for you to spend w/your son. just you and him. have hubby watch the little one and go to the park w/him.

or sit and play while baby naps.

my youngest 2 are very close in age. my daughter was 10 months old when i found out that i was pregnant with my youngest son. i was very scared because my husband was fixing to leave to go overseas to AFG. and i had no idea how i was suppose to care for 3 kids, AND be pregnant while he was gone, but i managed.

my daughter was very excited about the new baby because i would talk about it all the time, and let her help me pick things out for his crib, or closet, toys etc.

Save all of your son's clothes. if you are having a boy you can reuse them. if a girl, you can add pink, purple or yellow pieces to blue, green and other colored onesies that will make it more "girly".

go to garage sales for certain baby items. you can jot down the model number off the item, ask them to hold it for you, check the item on the computer at home to see if it's less than 5 yrs old.

*IF* you plan to breastfeed that will cut down in your cost right there. it's free. it's time consuming but so is sterilizing bottles, mixing formulas, packing diapers bags etc. it takes some effort, but it is worth it. if not, then get a membership at a place like Cosco or Sam's Club. their formula is cheaper, and comes in larger containers.

i know they carry a container that is the size of 3 of the small powder containers at say Wal*mart or HEB and it costs LESS than those.

it was 19.00 for the big container that would probably last 2 months, vs. the smaller containers that might last 1 month per container. you can also stock up on diapers there, but i prefer the generic ones when watching my pennies.

Shop generic, and take a calculator with you. For instance, if you like pasta salad and usually get the brand name. Stop, look at the selves, find the generic brand and look at the prices. Get the cheapest one on the self. Be careful of "2 for $5" deals and such. Sometimes they save you money, sometimes they don’t.

I was almost going to buy a box of eggos that said "2 for $5" but the two boxes only would have had 20 waffles total, while the bigger box at $4.50 had 24 waffles. I saved 50 cents AND got 4 extra waffles because I paid attention.

Buy generic diapers. For instance if you shop at let's say HEB; they have a store brand diaper. I buy those, and I save almost $8.00 a package!! I prefer the brand name diapers...but right now I can't afford it. We do what we must.

Only use coupons if it’s something you absolutely will NOT use a generic brand of. generic is almost ALWAYS cheaper than brand name. look for store coupons though, those sometimes can save you big time even on the cheaper stuff!  if you have an item that you prefer and dislike the generic brand only get them when you have the extra $$ or a coupon. for me I cannot eat any other sweet pea but Lesueur brand. But at 1.88 a can I can't get them all the time so I only get them once in a while.

I have done all this recently (due to gas prices and groceries sky rocketing in price) and I have managed to save $200.00 a MONTH!! That’s HUGE!

Shop at the goodwill if you HAVE to. Otherwise, shop at garage sales first. Especially in the "rich" neighborhood! You can get so much for so little at a garage sale.

And finally-

Don’t worry so much hon. you will be just as good a mother to your new baby as you are to your son. You have enough love for both of them. You have enough strength in yourself to do this! Dig deep for it. Ask for help from your husband. Don’t be afraid to reach out to mother's groups or even us on this forum when you are in need of someone to just talk to. You’re a mom, not wonder woman! We’ve all struggled at one time or another. Don’t over analyze things, that only make you ill.

Answer 21

I have no advice for you but to say that it happens all the time. A friend of mine has girls 12 months apart. It was really hard the first year but after that they were best friends. They are so close in age that they have the same interests, like the same movies, toys, games....it's actually easier now. She just had her third baby 3yrs later and says it's harder to have them farther apart and she wishes she would have had them all closer together.

Answer 22

Relax!

Here is how you get over it...

You will do your best.  Believe me, I dealt with feelings of guilt when I found out that my body spat out two eggs at once and I was going to have to somehow divide myself between to babies at once.  You just do it.  There is NO LIMIT to the love you have in your heart and I also think it's healthy for children to have siblings.  They're not the center of the universe that way and they become better at sharing later on.  They become more giving people if they have to share.

I've grown to appreciate being a mother of multiples and I think my kids are better off for it.

Mothers have 2 babies under 2 all the time.  I did.  I had two babies under 2 weeks, 2 babies under a month, 2 babies under 6 months... lol.  See a pattern here?  I'm a lazy butt and somehow I managed it.  You can do it too!

I also had a shocking surprise myself, btw.  I became pregnant when my twins were 11 months old.  Believe me, I'm a little freaked at the prospect of having 3 under 2, but I'm ready for it.  I know that I have unlimited love for my children, that it's *OK* for my children to share, to wait their turn, to learn that they're not the only person I care about in the universe... it's Ok.  It's healthy for them.  I didn't have them on a strict schedule, I didn't do CIO although I did a little controlled crying at a year with one of my twins but that didn't work and I'm back to being her love slave in the middle of the night but that's Ok because she's my little sweetie pie.  lol  Luckily her sister is a good sleeper.  They had to share their mommy from the start of their lives but that's Ok.  They love one another too.  I'm just saying, you can do this.  You'll do your best and it will be Ok.  You don't have to compromise too much of what you believe in as a mother, but you will have to divide your attention, but it's Ok.  They will be healty.  My girls are completely healthy, happy, secure, self-entertaining, intelligent...

You can do it.  I believe in you!  :-D