Premarital counseling, yay or nay?

Question

Now, I'm not asking this for the near future. I've already accepted the proposal, but both he and I decided it would be best to wait until our last year of university, mainly because our school doesn't have married housing options..and we're poor students. ^---^; ;

What I want to know is, in essence, a three-part question.

1. What exactly is counseling for?

2. Is it a good idea?

3. Where would I find counseling? (ie, church, books, the yellow pages)

Thank you!

Answer 1

Counseling is, in my opinion, simply to confirm in detail why it is that you feel compatible with one another. For my wife and I, we had no choice, our church wouldn't agree to marry us without having completed it, but honestly it wasn't a big deal. It was actually quite funny and enjoyable...for us anyway.

I believe it is a good idea, because it will make you think about things you wouldn't or couldn't have before, for example: does it bother you if your spouse has certain unbreakable habits like leaving the toothpaste uncapped (I know, silly right??). It may not get on your nerves now, but in 5 years it might be the icing on the cake that makes you have a melt-down. My point is this: small excusable things like that are able to be overlooked, but over time they build up. I don't know, it made sense to me.

As far as finding it, ours was through our church, but I would be stupid to say that you couldn't find it somewhere else, you just have to look for it.

Good Luck, hope it all works out for yah...

Answer 2

Counseling is to help you figure out if you are really ready to get married to the person, set goals for after you are married about what you want to achieve in life with as far as you as an individual and as partners, get a financial plan, etc.

Yes I think it is a very good idea

I went to the pastor that married my husband and i

Answer 3

Sujin,

In my opinion and based on my experience, it should be mandatory.

One of you has insurance I hope, and the insurance company has a list of providers they will pay for. When you check the list, I recommend a therapist with at least a Masters degree, several years experience and some background in personality disorders.

The key thing is, to really listen to the therapist. You want to not only discuss basic marital issues, but where your weaknesses and strengths are. You also want to know if there is any emotional hangups that can come out later after the honey moon phase.

The therapist should do some probing into your pasts to see if there is a pattern in your lives that raises red flags for him/her.

You want to have a pretty good idea who you are marrying because that initial gaga we feel about someone has tendency's to overlook issues...until it's too late.

I also want to tell you, that if money becomes an issue, you may want to hold off until you can afford appropriate counseling. This is an investment in your future, your life...not mine or anyone else here. Know what you're getting into.

Wally...

Answer 4

i feel that pre-marital counseling is good b/c it basically tells u about marriage and what to expect and what the role is for a woman/man. my husband and i did it and the tips do help. it also talks about if the other person wants kids,and it discusses money,family,etc...... and we got our counseling @ a church. or family therapist

Answer 5

1.  It is so you two know you are on the same page.  Stuff like "do you have the means to support yourselves?" and "What rules do you see your kids having as they are growing up?"

2.  I would say yes.  I learned SOOOO much about my husband.  And we had a bunch of issues ironed out before they became an all out argument.  

3.  We got ours at a church and most pastors will insist you have counseling with them if they are going to marry you.

Answer 6

absolutely... There are so many things counseling prepares you for, addressing issues you've never even considered. Get deeply involved in the counsleing and see it through. whether it be through the church or not.

Answer 7

Hey, congratulations!!

I just got married after college, this year actually.  Just so you know where I'm coming from, my husband and I have religious beliefs about marriage (Christian) and got married at the church I grew up in.  

1. Counseling is for helping you realize things about your relationship way ahead of time- both positive and negative- and how marriage will affect you, and so you can work things out BEFORE you get married and start your marriage well, rather than waiting to deal with issues that can build up.  Sometimes it can prevent a bad marriage or help a couple to realize it isn't best thing, or in many cases, help couples to realize what their strengths are and give encouragement that they are making a good choice to get married.

2.  YES!!! It's a GREAT idea.  I think some people shy away from it if they aren't religious at all, but that's really not a reason not to do it.  Another reason some people don't is because they sort of have a fear that maybe it will shed light on some negative aspects of the relationship and somehow hurt the relationship, or they just don't want to go there....but if you really are going to have a good marriage, that stuff either is fine, or needs to be worked out eventually anyways!  

3.  I'm not really sure other than churches, but that doesn't mean all churches have good counseling.  Ask friends who have gone through it if they know any places form personal experiences.  You can always ask a Pastor at a church about it and what it's like to get a feel for if it will be good or not.

My Pastor usually does it in 3 sessions, and it involves talking, taking a survey/multiple choice test thing(very common, same one most places use) and talking about anything the results shed light on.  Some topics are relationship skills/communication, each person's self confidence and state as an individual, spirituality, financial planning, family/parenting skills (if you want kids), and a bunch of other stuff.  It's not so much to make sure you are doing things a certain way as much as that you're on the same page about all that stuff.  

Good luck!!!

Answer 8

If you and your soon to be spouse feel the need to get counseling, why are you getting married?  Okay, if you feel that you need counseling before you get married, go to the minister that is going to marry you.  He/she can give you good advice as to whatever questions you might have.

Counseling is for people who have a problem and just need  optimistic and professional guidance to see them through that problem.  The counselor may be able to think of things that you have not thought of as a way to get passed a certain thing.

There are many different kinds of counselors.  You have to know what kind you require before you can seek one out.

Your family doctor should be able to point you in the right direction for a counselor.  Do not depend on him to be one, he is only good for meds. and referrals.

Your hospital can tell you about counselors that are available on staff there too.

Counseling is good for many people, others prefer to not go to them.  Personally, I think if you need to figure something out in your mind, and you can't do it by yourself, go to someone who has an open mind and ask for a bit of help.  That is what they are there for.

Answer 9

Well, I would say yay becaus everyone could use some counseling now and again. It is for premaritial issues. If you go to counseling there is a reason; abuse, parental issues, and marriage. If this is something you both feel that you need then yes it is a good thing to go and learn more about each other and so forth. It's a good idea because you are able to see each other in a different light and someone else who is in on the equation will help pull out the past and things that may harm your marriage and so forth. If you attend church and would like that then yes you can find counseling there, if not, ask family/friends to see where is best. Good luck! Remember, you're going to college to not be poor so hang in there I am with ya!