Premature ejaculation at the theatre?

Question

Whilst enjoying an evening at the theatre in Stratford, Lord McFud had an embarrassing moment. Towards the end of the final act of Othello, my husband suddenly shouted "Bravo!" loudly, believing the play to be at an end. His premature ejaculation is now the talk of the theatre circle. What is the best way for a gentleman to regain composure in such a situation?

Answer 1

HA!!! thats great!!! Most guys need a elbow to wake up at the end of an opera... Laugh it off... and never let him live it down!!! tehe

Answer 2

OMG!  I once went out with a 2 pump chump,  you have to dump him.

you have my sympathy!

Answer 3

My dear girl, as you know premature oral ejaculations are the stock and trade of us theatre critics. Are you sure the poor chap wasn't shouting  "Lago Lago"?. I which case he need make no apology he must simply quote:

"Demand me nothing. What you know, you know.

From this time forth I never will speak (a) word."

Answer 4

Lady McFud how truly embarrassing for you and yours.  Oh to live in shame is utter nonsense.  My suggestion is to pack up the Townhouse and move out to the Country place for a few months till things blow over.  Folks usually forget these faux paus's in time.  When you return after October the season will be in full swing and all should be forgotten

Cheerio

Answer 5

Poor old Fudders, always making a c*ck-up of the situation isn't he?

Fortunately, recent events at Twizzlegrass have meant that his little slip-up is no longer the centre of gossip.

Hargrieves, my  butler, has always had  trouble with French phraseology, one such is the phrase 'Faux Paix' so he decided to ask me for an analogy.

"Why of course Hargrieves," I replied "You remember yesterday when the Bishop and Lady Bloomsbury-Barton came to dinner and prior to dinner they were both walking in the garden and the Bishop pricked his finger on one of the rose bushes? Then at dinner whilst you were serving , Lady Bloomsbury-Barton  remarked to the Bishop, "How is your prick?" and he said, "Throbbing" and you said, "Sh*t" and dropped the peas. That was a Faux Paix!!

Answer 6

I am glad you brought this up old girl, didn't really like to say but it is the talking point at social gatherings at the moment. Dreadful gaff wasn't it? still not to worry, there was an American in the audience who left his hat on, so Fudders gaff wasn't too prominent. Console yourself with a full body massage from your new Italian footman.

Answer 7

i dont think he actually meant it. when i went to see a play last time with my friends, i fell asleep, and so did the other guys...

Answer 8

Not Act V!  McFud's ejaculation was not premature but at the point where Othello suffocates his wife in the marital bed, believing her to have been playing away.  I recommend claiming insomnia and sleeping apart (and alone) for a few nights.

Answer 9

Strictly going by the falling standards everywhere, I am going to safely presume that the performance by the actors was sub-par, which resulted in the premature ejaculate from Lord McFudd being thrust upon the rest of the audience.

The appropriate follow-up to this incident can only be for His Lordship to turn around, bend over, lower his trousers and drawers and then proceed to moon the audience as well as the deserving cast members.

Answer 10

The performance must have been brilliant.

Just admit he was passionate for the performance.

Haste makes waste I always say.

(you made me laugh out loud with this, been a long time since I read/ heard this term)

Answer 11

Sounds like a bit of a sticky situation that old girl, I remember my last premature ejaculation at the theatre left the Swedish twins crying out "encore, encore" It did. I simply readjusted my cravat unruffled my moustache and calmly went about my business again.

They were soon crying out "bravo Sir, bravo" The moral of the story is enthusiasm is acceptable if its done in a gentlemanly fashion. Tip top.

Answer 12

Heh heh! Poor Blighter.

Dare say most Gentle Chaps have suffered equally cringeworthy "Omissions".

Like laughing before a Punch Line. Or letting loose a Ghastly f**t whilst stroking the face of a dear Loved one.

Best to ignore it. In fact burst out laughing going "Dear me. . . ho ho!"

This didn't actually work with one particular Lady I happened to find myself in entertainment with, a Tot too many of Brandy is my excuse. Face like a Bulldog thereafter. Mind, I swift did some Samson poses flexing me Paps and Pecs, and all was well.

VG at 'yer Service Ma'am.

Answer 13

Madam, it will be necessary for Lord McFud to take precautions in future.

His extraneous parts must be covered at all times, possibly with mittens.  This will prevent unauthorised applause.

As for his premature ejaculation, he could always put a sock in it.