Preschooler cries when drop-off?

Question

My daughter was 3 yrs old and just started her preschool last week. She told me that she doesn't want to go to school and cries when I drop her off every morning. However, according to the teacher, she is doing okay during the day. She stops crying after I left and sober once a while. She seems enjoy her day when I pick her up. She told me that school is fun and when I ask her if she wants to come back again tomorrow. She says "yes". I'm totally clueless why she changes her mind every morning and reluctant to go to school. What should I do to help her to stop crying?

We didn't speak English at home, therefore, she didn't speak English at all. Is this one of reason she doesn't feel comfortable to go to school? What should I do to make her feel better?

Answer 1

This is completely normal, most kids this age experience it.  I get it with the preschool classes I teach at church, as well.  A lot of kids this age have no concept of time, or of cause and effect, which are pretty abstract for them.  She'll start to figure out that when you drop her off in the morning, she has her teacher for a while and has fun, and then you always come back in the afternoon.  A couple of ideas: 1) instead of calling it "school", just tell her it's time to go see Ms. Pam (or whatever her teacher's name is) and play.  2) Make her a little clock that she can have in her pocket, with the digital time and round-clock time that you pick her up.  You might want to make the clock a little later than your actual time, just in case you hit traffic or something - that way you're often early.  Let her know that when the clock says "this time" is the latest that you will pick her up so that she knows when to look forward to seeing you.  This will also give her security that you are really coming back - she just gets time to play with her teacher until then.  Hope that helps!

Answer 2

She is reluctant to leave you or else she feels that you need her. I experienced the same thing as a child about 13 years ago.

Answer 3

Just like other users have suggested taking a picture of her family to school, I think you should ask the teacher if you or her can take pictures of your little girl doing her favorite activities at school, like blocks or recess or art. Put those pictures up at home so she can see what she has to look forward to. Also, since she needs to learn english, ask the teacher if she can take pictures of things around her classroom, like the alphabet or the calendar and make picture flashcards for your daughter. Tell her the name of the object in your home language and then the name in English. Once she gets more familiar with her surroundings at school, she will feel more comfortable about the transition.

Kat

Answer 4

Sometimes this is a manipulation technique. When you drop her off just kiss her goodbye and leave. Don't linger. Tell the daycare worker, if possible, she can come to the window and wave as she watches you leave. If you linger, she will be getting what she wants, which is to have you stay. Eventually her crying will dwindle and stop.

Answer 5

Just make the drop off as quick as possible...tell her bye and that you love her and you will pick her up soon, then walk out the door. Even if she cries and screams, don't turn back becuase you will end up having to do it again. The sooner you leave, the sooner she will get used to it and forget she was ever sad.

Answer 6

I've been both a parent and a preschool teacher, so I've seen this from both sides.

It's not unusual for kids to cry when they first start school.  It's a big adjustment.  Here are some things that have worked in my classroom:

When a child starts crying at drop-off time, I try to distract him/her with a favorite toy or book.  Can your daughter take a favorite possession to school?

We put up photos of everyone's families on a bulletin board.  The kids like having their loved ones "close by."

Sometimes, all the child needs is a chance to tell the parents how much they miss them.  I sit down with the child at the table and let him dictate a letter home.  Most of the time they say, "Mommy, I miss you when you leave.  I love you."  It's amazing how many kids feel better once they've gotten that off their chest.

This year I had a 3 year old boy who had just moved from Korea in my class.  He did not speak any English.  His dad helped me learn a little Korean (most important phrase for us was "I need to go to the bathroom").  Everyday I wrote a couple of English words that were useful at school and his family worked on them at home.

We also learned to count in Korean.  I made sure the little boy helped us with pronunciation.  Instead of being the one who knew the least English, he was the expert in Korean.

Does your teacher know any of the language you speak at home?  If not, teach him/her some basic phrases.

I think the best thing you can do is tell your daughter that she will be safe at school and that you will be back to pick her up soon.  Then give her a hug and a kiss good-bye and leave the room.  You can always stand just outside the doorway and see how long it takes her to calm down.

Good luck, and don't give up.  It should get easier for all of you as the year goes along.

Answer 7

This is very normal behavior for a child's first experience spending a day away from home. Not speaking english would be secondary to seperation anxiety. It seems that she does enjoy her time there and I would help her focus on that. Find out from the teacher the toys, activities or centers she really seems to enjoy and remind of her of those things on the way to school. Give it some time. Don't linger in the mornings be very upbeat, tell her she's going to have a great day and you will see her in a little while. Believe me I know from experience if the teachers were concerned about her crying they would let you know.

Answer 8

Just kiss her, hug her, tell her you love her and say goodbye.  Don't look back, don't try to be overly nice.  After a few days, she'll start to fall into a routine at school and meet friends.  It might take a week or two with a truely clingy kid, but eventually she'll start looking forwards to school.  I don't think the language would be too big of a problem, because children learn faster than adults can.  Just being around kids speaking english will make her more comfortable with it.  The best way to learn a language is by immersion, so let it go.  Kids get over fears like this very quickly.

Answer 9

Separation anxiety I'm sure. My son went through it when he started going to day care. It lasted about 2 months for me. Don't feel bad she'll get over it.

Answer 10

My little girl did the same thing.  The preschool teacher suggested that I drop her off without making a big deal, tell her I will be back, hug her and then leave.  DO NOT look back do not try to console her.  It took about 3 days and she was fine.  I was helping her make a big deal out of me leaving by trying to console her.  If she thinks it isn't a big deal that you leave than it won't be.

Answer 11

Well she probably is use to you being around for her in the morning, but when she gets to school she finds new things to do and new people to play with there! She just wants you to think that she doesnt want to go back but the fact is you take her out of it shes going to never learn as fast as the other kids to communicate with them she needs other kids right now to get her out of this I want mommy stage!

Answer 12

Reading your question brings tears back to my eyes from the times when I used to leave my daughter and she would cry so hard that I would cry my whole way to work.  But, it was exactly the same.  When I would pick her up, she was having fun and sometimes did not want to leave.  That made me feel better.  First, know that they do outgrow this barring the fact that no one is hurting them.  My daughter outgrew it and is a wonderfully healthy thriving little five year older.

Understand that some of what she is reacting to is your fear of leaving her.  She can read your emotions probably better than you.   Though you may trust the overseer, you are like the rest of us moms, you hate leaving her and would rather be keeping her all day yourself.  Try to have a talk with yourself about the fact that the decision that you have made to work or go to school is best for her and that she is in good hands.  Then live that decision.

Talk with her about how great "school" or the "babysitter" is and that you love her being there because she has friends to play with and fun things to do all day.  Also talk with her honestly about how her crying makes you feel and that neither of you should be crying but should be looking forward to seeing each other at the end of the day.

Then pray and ask God to help her stop crying and to heal her through the separation anxiety.  Let her take her favorite teddy bear or doll and give her a kiss and exit quickly.  Don't ptolong your eitx, it makes it worse.

God bless you both and be strong.  All of us have been through this.   She's okay now and will be okay.

Answer 13

for your own peace of mind....find a spot to linger awhile watching her and her interactions with the teacher and the kids.....make sure no one's giving her a hard time.....

If you were always home with her before this school business than she may miss you for a while but will get used to it as times goes on especially when she starts to make friends.

Answer 14

Tell the little girl that  if she does not cry the entire week she can have a candy bar. or a special surprise. Tell her you will make new friends. If she makes a best Friend then she might want to she the best friend again tomorrow. Or have the teacher past out treats to the best student like student of the day or week. Lastly: tell her the teacher is her second mom.

Answer 15

It's extremely hard for a parent to just drop the child off and go like others have suggested.  But that's what they need to do.

Think of what she's really saying to you though.  She's really saying she loves you and wants to be with you.  She's **NOT** saying, "I hate school."  (She might say it, and she might think it, but the reason she feels she hates it is just it takes time away from time with you).

You mentioned she starts to cry when you mention school in the morning.  Don't do it.  I don't mean don't mention it...I mean don't say the word.  Let's see if we can switch it.  When you pick her up next time and she's telling you about her day, ask what she would like to do tomorrow at school.  Then the next morning, ask if she's still interested in that or if she thinks she'll do something else.  This might help get her thinking about what she likes at school rather than the fact that she has to go.

How long will it take for the child to adjust?  It's usually a few days.  You mentioned it's taking longer.  Just know it will happen.  But in the mean time, know she's enjoying school.

Answer 16

ok... this is what happened to me...i always cried when i went to preschool...

what my mom did is that she volunteered to help.therefore, i dont have to miss her.

and when she comes home..i would give her a welcome and kiss her...also, tell her how her day went in preschool.

or..maybe something is bothering her in preschool..talk to her is anything is bothering her

Hope these tips work!

Answer 17

I'm sure with a new environment and the inability to communicate with anyone, including the teacher, has her terrified.  If she is at an English speaking school and not in a specialty class like ESL (english as a second language) where she is immersed in the language but with other non-english speaking students, she'll need extra support at home.  Have her be the teacher and ask her what she's learned and have her "teach" it to her family.  It will give her a sense of pride and accomplishment to share with the ones she loves the most.

I'd also consider inviting a few kids from her class over for a play date.  Social skills at that age are hard to master, and without being able to verbally communicate, she'll need an extra nudge.  Have her play with her friends at your house, where she's most comfortable.  Once she develops a relationship with the kids, she'll be happier to see them at school and more ready to interact and play with them!  Which then makes drop offs a lot easier for you!  Not to mention that she'll be learning the language quickly and easily with the help of her new friends!

Hang in there!

Answer 18

i used to cry after my mom dropped me off at pre-school so she made me a neckless with her picture in the locket

Answer 19

This is very normal. One it is still a very new change for her, and she is going through separation anxiety. She will get through this and it usually takes a month. I would recommend that you speak more English and reward her when she is calmer in the A.M. she does not need to be happy and she may cry however if there is an improvement, reward her until she gets the hand of things.

Answer 20

This is normal.  I have kindergarten students who have major meltdowns on the first day and sometimes the first week or two of school! Sometimes it is very difficult to let go, but as soon as she gets involved, she concentrates on the activities and has no time to cry.

Not understanding English can also make her feel as though she is not part of the group because she doesn't understand what is going on, the more she attends the more English she will learn and the more comfortable she will become.  Are there any other second language learners in her class?

Get a copy of "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn (or ask the teacher if she can get a copy to read to the class).  This is a story of a little raccoon on his first day of school who doesn't want to leave his mother.  Read it to her and ask if she'd like a kissing hand just like Chester's mother gave him (Mama puts a kiss in his hand and tells him that anytime he is lonely for her all he has to do is put his hand to his cheek to feel her love).