Pressure from parents!! Very annoying!

Question

Okay, first of all, I am 26 years old. I am my parents' only daughter. It seems that lately my parents (dad especially) seems to be picking on me about everything, which ends up with me crying and leaving their house in a huff. I am still in university because I had taken some time off a few years back. So last night when I stopped at their house to visit for a little while, everything was fine, we were getting along great, and then dad starts with the whole, "what's your plan in life?" interrogation. The thing is, I'm not exactly sure WHAT I plan on doing once I'm finished school. The way I look at it, they should at least be happy that I went BACK to school, and that I will soon be done. But then he started saying things like, "well most people at your age should at least have an idea," and blah, blah, blah. I get really upset because the tone he uses makes me feel like i'm an idiot or something. He doesn't realize that he's only making me feel worse, and discouraging me because it seems like he'll never be happy with me no matter what.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I'm sure they are well intended, but when he asks questions like this and gets me upset, and when I try to answer him and tell him how I feel, etc., then HE gets upset because I'm upset! It's just so frustrating!!

So I left last nite in a huff because he basically told me to leave because he didn't want to talk about it anymore (which made me upset and I started to cry) and so when I went back to my bf's house, my bf was upset because he doesn't know what to say or do when i'm crying like that, etc. He's like, "I'm not mad at you, but I'm mad at how they make you feel when you get upset like this."

I'm not really sure what my question is here, but I guess I'd like some advice as to how I should deal with it when these arguments happen. There's no sense in talking to him, because he never wants to hear what I have to say anyway- because it's not what HE thinks is right! Like one time I even sent him an e-mail so that we wouldn't get into an argument (I figured he would read it and then respond) but he didn't even open it!! Apparently he deleted it without even reading it! Like, how come he can't just be supportive like parents SHOULD be, no matter what?!

All this negativity is only going to make me more depressed... this is so frustrating!

Answer 1

Tell them you're g*y just to get their attention off your academic life.

;-)

Unless you really are and have already told them, in which case, "Never mind..."

:-#

Seriously, though, it's a tough situation. In all likelihood, your father probably sees himself as trying to "encourage" you, but he just can't seem to see it's having the opposite effect.

It is pretty immature of him to delete your e-mail unread (unless you used some truly outrageous subject, but you seem more mature than that), and at least as bad for him to make you leave just because you don't share his views. I think a very good idea would be for you and him to have a chat, and agree to disagree and for neither of you to ever talk about the subject again. You're going to have to approach it carefully, though - he sounds like the type for whom such maturity is incomprehensible. If that fails, then you might get the message across by simply cutting way back on the amount of time and communication you devote to them. I don't mean to stop talking to them entirely, I just mean to limit your contact with them to more necessary things, with perhaps a "just because" social visit once or twice a year. When you do talk to them, especially if they call you, make it sound like you're a very busy person and that's why you don't contact them more.

Another trick is the next time your dad asks you that question ("Do you have a plan?") tell him that you do, but that you want to keep it to yourself. Maybe if he thinks you have a plan, even if he doesn't know what it is, he'll lay off a bit.

Good luck, I actually hurt a little for you having read your situation. It's all too familiar. :-(