Pro Homeschoolers, How to respond to this...?

Question

An old "friend" has recently told me that she really thinks of me. This is part of an email... My boys did great on their portfolio eval and are a grade level ahead. How would you respond? I don't want my anger to cloud what I should really say...

"Stop trying to talk me into home schooling, after what I have seen or should I say not seen you do, I would never even consider it. You’re not helping your kids you are hurting them. Now I know why you were so upset when NH wanted to change their standards, NH has some of the lowest standards for home schooling in the country. If that law was passed you’d be screwed. Yeah you passed your evaluation, but the standards are so low how could you not? You need a wake up call on your “home schooling” Your boys deserve the best education possible not the bare minimum requirements. Don’t you want the best for them? They need structure, all kids do. The best gift you can give your kids is a structured school setting and involvement with church. "

Answer 1

She's just pissed off at you, for whatever reason.

Don't bother responding. Odds are she's feeling confrontational and just wants to provoke you. This isn't the time or place to talk about the advantages of homeschooling.

If you really feel that you must respond, say something like, "Thank you for your concern about my sons' education. I'll consider what you've said."

However, that opens you up for a continued conversation when clearly, this former friend wants a fight.

Answer 2

Well, my first question is are you trying to talk her into homeschooling?  If she has made her choice and you are trying to change her mind, then she will get defensive and say mean things just to try to end the discussion.  So if that is the case, maybe you should apologize for trying to talk her into it.

However...

If you did not attempt to talk her into it.  I would probably end the friendship.  I might tell her that my kids were doing great, were ahead of their grade level, and had all the structure they needed.  Then I would tell her that since she can not stop judging you she should find a new friend and stay out of your life and business.

By the way, if you WERE not trying to talk her into it and she sent this, I think you have every right to be angry.  She accused you of hurting your kids. She accused you of not properly educating them.  She accused you of not giving them proper structure.  So unless there is truth to it, you should be angry.

Answer 3

First, my heartfelt wishes for peace as I know this must be difficult for you to hear from someone you classify as friend.  However, this person is clearly not being respectful of your choices.  We are also a homeschooling family and when we began homeschooling, lost a few "friends" as they didn't choose to accept us.  It is difficult for many to understand the vision you have as a homeschooler for your children.  Most people can't imagine anything other than the sub-standard academics and values offered in most public schools.  If it were me, I would thank this person for sharing their true feelings with you and pull back from the relationship.  If she is this negative about homeschooling, your children will most likely pick up on it either through her or through her children (if any).  No one needs negative and judgemental people - as a homeschooling mom we are critical enough of ourselves.  We don't need outside help!  LOL

Answer 4

Obviously this is not a true friend.  If your kids are testing above their grade level then you have nothing to worry about as far as their education.  She is probably not up to par on her own parenting skills, and the only way she can make herself feel better is to try to tear you down.  As long as she is not paying your bills or running your family, you should not care what she or anyone else has to say.  People have been so programed to believe in the public school system and been taught not to question what the "educational professionals" have to say that they can sometimes no longer think for themselves.  As long as you know you are doing the best for your kids don't worry about what anyone else has to say.

Answer 5

Sounds like your "friend" has some issues of her own. My guess is this: Your own joy about homeschooling and talking about your boys has been seen by her as you trying to show her how superior it is and trying to convince her to do the same. She feels judged even if you aren't judging her, so she's snapping back. (Of course, those who are the most judgemental are the quickest to feel like others are judging them.)

On your side of things, understand that anger is just somewhat masking the hurt you feel. Let yourself feel hurt by the comments. And recognize that this relationship can be no more. It is not a friendship when one person is secretly judging you in that way, which comes out eventually in an explosion. You do not need to respond. If you do, don't go into a long tirade. "Thank you for your input. Best regards,..." is fantastic. If you want to make it a more formal end, then you could say, "I'm sorry that you felt I was trying to convince you to homeschool because that was not my intention at all. I'm also sorry that I can no longer continue communicating with someone who views me with such disdain. Take care,..."

Answer 6

well homeschooling is lame...I mean kids always turn out wierd from it...trust me Im a kid in public high school....homeschoolers are always wierd...no matter what you think as their mom

Answer 7

Block her email. She isn't a friend and doesn't support your decisions. BTW I'm curious to see how different the standards are for PS and HS. If they are the same you have a base for your reply, if you choose. And I really don't see how church needs to play a role in this. Last time I checked God wasn't allowed in PS and isn't on the curriculum.

Answer 8

You have to understand that she feels guilty for being too selfish to not homeschool her own children. Just file the email in the trash where it belongs. It doesn't deserve a response.  If you were in a particularly naughty mood, you could respond. "I am giving my children the time, attention, and devotion of the best education available. I am sorry that offends you. And I'm sorry you aren't doing that for your children."

by the way-- She is not your friend.

Answer 9

I thought her tone seemed venomous and I wouldn't want to incite her any further, but that's just me.  I would consider this is a classic "pass the bean dip" situations, (google that phrase).  Don't waste your time, energy or emotions on her.  

I'd say, "Thank you for your input.  Be well.  Regards, ____   ".   That way she's left scratching her head, wondering whether you took her advice, whether you thought her input was helpful, etc.  Then I wouldn't give her any more information beyond that - her comments indicate that she isn't trustworthy, in my opinion.  

By your description, this seems like a long distance relationship, is it?  Hopefully it is, that will make it easier to just move on and forget about her.

Answer 10

Clearly she has been harbouring these feelings for a while. Whether or not you tried to talk her into it she obviously felt some pressure.

I would say don't respond to it. It is an attack that does not need a response if you are happy with the situation as is, and her comments sound a bit irrational and deliberately inflammatory.

Answer 11

I'm sorry but i would tell her how you really feel about her email to you. I would also talk to her about how she did it. If she isn't brave enough to say it too your face then maybe it shouldn't be said.

Home school is up to you to make work and what works for you doesn't necessarily work for her. If sending her kids off to the public indoctrination camps  works for her then so be it!

Answer 12

I too, would ignore it, but to make you feel better, most states that test use the same evaluation for public school kids as homeschooled kids. That woman is crazy. And why did she drag church into it? That's just weird, not homeschooling.

Answer 13

I agree ...your friend has issues.

I don't think this is as much about homeschooling and your friendship as her trying to convince herself.   The best gift you can give your kids is to treat them as individuals.   Structured school setting and involvement with the church may very well be the best way for her to raise her kids but apparently your way is intimidating to her.

I have a few close friends but none of them have the liberty to dictate my choices.   Homeschool is my choice.  

Standards are used in dog shows.  It would be silly for me to take a pony  to a dog show and try to compete.  

We don't worry about standards because the public school's standards are not used in our home and neither are our standards used in the public school.    

Consider her opinions if you think they will help you.   Ignore her opinions if they are not valuable to your choice to teach your own children.

Answer 14

Are you still talking about this person,why do you allow people to pick your brain......Has NH said anything to you? It sounds like you are worrying over something that has not happen.The only thing that has happen is you passed evaluations,and you are allowing a so called friend bursting you Prayer bubble...Are you giving your boys the best you can,are your boys happy,are their grades good passing grades,Who says that they would learn more in public school where one teacher must share her thoughts with 30 other different learning abilities,,,,The only thing that may be missing is peer interaction......As I said before that you can also involve in their studies,where you can monitor their behavior......Unless you are forced by law and can't win do what you do best for your family and Pray for meddlers......Btw how is your health? Blessings of Achievements........Blessings Yahoo