Problem regarding marriage?

Question

Recently my wife became ill and was taken to the emergency room. Later that evening a psychologist came to see her and determined that she needed to be hospitalized. For what appeared to be depression.

To make a long story short my wife told the psychologist that he was not happy with me. And all this time I though I was a very loving, affectionate and caring husband.

After her hospital stay she has been staying with our oldest son.

The problem is when I go see her, I don’t feel that I am with my wife, I feel very uncomfortable when I am with her. I don’t want to touch her much less kiss her. And I don’t understand why I feel this way.

Answer 1

Maybe because your getting depressed too from what she told the doctor.  You need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your wife and the doctor should have never told you what was said to him.  Talk to her about your pass, your marriage, your wedding, your kids.  She maybe going though the changes that's one of the signs.  Still be loving and kind to her, take her out on a date.  Start up a new relationship with her, and don't forget the flowers, and tell just how much she means to you and how much you need her too and tell you love her forever and you want her to be happy.

Answer 2

Wait until she gets better, she if the relationship changes.  While she is going through this episode, things will not be the same. See how things are after she has received treatment.  

Answer 3

Wow! dude, this is exactly what happened with me and my husband.  What's your version of loving, affectionate and caring?  It could be the opposite of what she is looking for from you.  My husband thinks that he is the most loving husband on the planet, but truth is, thats his version not ours.  If you really love your wife, support her and tell her what your telling us.  Be kind and gentle with words and let your actions say the rest.  She will know, and if you both can get some marriage counseling.

Answer 4

If she has depression, she will not have any feelings for herself, much less anyone else.  It sounds to me like you are using a defense mechanism to protect yourself as you are waiting for her to walk out of your marriage.

Give her time and some patience, try and listen to her and her feelings and then together move into the future, unless you BOTH decide its time to move on alone.

Depression is a selfish illness, but its the illness that changed her possibly not her feelings for you.

I wish you all the best x

Answer 5

Maybe you feel this way because of the news that she supposedly isn't happy with you.  That would make anyone want to coil themselves back into themselves.  It's hurtful.  But I think you need to sort this stuff out and talk to her heart to heart because you two need to clear the air.

Answer 6

It's because you found out you weren't doing whatever it took to make her happy. You probable feel a bit responsible for her in a state of depression. You need to be alone with her and kindly talk about why she isn't happy. When you find out all the info from her then you'll know what to do and you will feel better. Please for me, listen to every word she says...listen very closely and watch her body language. I had this same conversation with my husband 2 days ago and all he did was yell and complain how he doesn't do anthing good enough he made the whole thing about him. Yes I am unhappy and extremely depressed. My doctor actually put me on 2 sets of meds and I am pretty sure I will end up somewhere in a hospital of some kind, eventually. All I want is to really be loved and adored like everyother woman, so please love her...Please!

Answer 7

You feel that way because her rejection for you is very strong. Also you already know what she told the doctor and that too is playing out in your mind as well. Give her some time and space and the doctor will get to the problem. If seeing her right now makes you uncomfortable, then stay away for awhile and let her heal. This has to be bad for you but I have gone through depression and one lives in another world. All you have to do is just give her time.

Answer 8

You've realized you're living a happier life since she's moved out?

Answer 9

I don't know how old you or your wife are but I know my mom is going through something like this and my dad well he can't do anything right there is no making her happy no matter what he or anyone else dose right now, just give her space and back off- this is her problem do not let her make it yours... Although in a marriage there is always room to grow and learn as well as compromise... Listen to what she has to say and try to comfort her and try to do what makes her happy but it still might not work, sorry to say... When women hit a certain age they see things differently and sometimes not always in reality. Remind her a marriage can't surrive without unconditional love from both sides....Good luck and best wishes! P.S. Your son is probably having a hard time now as well, you also might want to encourage her to come home or get her own place and let her son live his life without her hovering over it... That can't be easy for him at all!

Answer 10

Psychological problems sometime have nothing to do with you but what is going through hre head. I wouldn't take it too personally just yet. I know your'er human and it is hard not to but if she had to see a pshchologist, their may be some deeper issues that she needs to face. Talk to the psychologist and ask if their is anything you can do to help further move her process of healing. Good luck and best wishes.  

Answer 11

It's because she seems like a different person. Just remember that her depression most likely has nothing to do with you or your relationship. It is a mental state. This will be hard for you no matter what, but you need to be patient and loving. Don't forget the vows you made: "in sickness and in health...:"