Problem with Brothers Poorly Disciplined Children

Question

My brother and SIL have 2 children 7 and 4.

They are not bad kids but they have not been disciplined properly.

When they come over they go through our cupboards and help themselves and continually jump on our furniture and they really have no respect for adults in general. We have lived close by to them for 9 months now and when they do something i don't like i tell them not too do it, and they more often than not don't listen. My brother not only rarely backs me up but he has started getting his knickers in a knot about it and he makes alot of snide jokes about me being mean to the kids. He is very sensitive and i know if i told him what i really thought he would probably never speak to me again! I love him but my house is no hippie house and i don't think children and adults are equal, i think there should be some respect, which i feel he himself is not giving me by not taking my house and rules seriously. What is the best way to deal with this situation?

Answer 1

I have something like the same situation. But I have 3 kids who all have bedtimes, say grace before eating, don't watch tv for more than a movie at a time, or listen to gangsta rap. My kids and their cousins are the same age and their cousins call them "The Flanders" (from the Simpsons) and really don't understand. Its extremely unfair to my children because they'd get it handed to them if they tried some of that, so my solution has be to only take them when we all can go somewhere else, like to the museum or to the park or something where they can run wide open then go home. I tell them they have to listen or we will leave, and I've left before, but had the excuse that it was too crowded and they couldn't listen, which isn't to say, they were listening to that hookery music even when I told them not to and less offensive to the parenting. It's not fair, but it's better than telling your sibling they are bad parents. Especially when they prolly think the same about you. (Mine think I'm sheltering my children and putting them at a disadvantage) That's the worst kind of fight since parenting is such a fiercely protected and personal thing. And the escalation may lead to never having the rude little fellows root through your fridge and and eating up all of that stuff you were saving for the special occasion again because your bro and you aren't speaking.

Answer 2

well tell ur brother to read this and talk to him about it.

Answer 3

Its your house your rules.

If your brother doesn't like it to fcking bad!

Tell him to not bring his kids over!

Answer 4

Your brother might be "sensitive" but while he and his family are in your home, they need to respect your wishes and rules.

It's not that hard, and your brother will get over it.

If you don't like the fact that his kids run around like heathens, jump on your furniture and get into your cupboards, then it's time you sit them down and let them know there are rules in your house to follow... and if they dont' follow the rules, they will have a time out.

Maybe your brother needs one too?

Answer 5

Hi

You have to take control of the situation, and if you know the children are misbehaving, it's your house and you have to make them mind you.  Even if your brother doesn't like it, he's in YOUR space. And he's being as much of a child as they are. If they do something wrong, tell them once to stop, and tell them the consequence that's going to happen if they don't. They are old enough to understand.

I'm living with my daughter in law and my two grand children, this isn't my house, but by gosh, if that momma of theirs won't make them mind, I will.

I tell them once, and tell them if they don't stop they will be put in a bed and they will stay there until they can mind.  Of course I had to make a believer out of them both {4 and 6 year old}  They would try to get up and giggle and laugh and say I don't have to do what you say, and I take them back to the bed and sit on them! {I don't hurt them, lol but I put enough weight on them so they can't get up} and they wiggle and scream and cry, but they eventually stop.  They either stay there knowing they are going to be naughty when they get up, or they get up and tell me they love me. All because they respect my rules and they know they will not get away with it any more. They do however try me at least every couple of week, especially the 4 year old.

I guess you should do something with your brother, hmmm.  I have 3 brothers...Does he come over and just plop down while you are suppose to watch his kids go wild?  Sounds like he needs some discipline too.  Your like me, don't want to hurt his feelings.

Easier said than done though. I understand.  As soon as they come over and walk through the door calmly tell the children what they can't and can do, and if they end up doing something, tell them what will happen, put them in a bed until they can get up and not do that any more.   Your brother will get the drift, and probably look at you like you've lost your mind.  He might see how he can control them himself when he's home alone with them. {and they are driving him nuts} Explain to him that you are trying to help him, with them.  Also you might try and plan for their visits with water paints, catching bugs, or  renting movies they like...what ever their interests are.

I hope this helps a little, you just have to be calm and assertive.

Good Luck

Katie