Problem with daughter's boyfriend?

Question

Here is the problem,

I do like my daughter's boyfriend. He is a nice person, but lately he has been sending me reprimanding texts to my cell phone questioning my "parenting" due to the fact that I grounded his girlfriend...my daughter.

Here is the story:

My daughter was being rude and cussing and she was telling me lies...so I grounded her from going out on a date this weekend. So she called "tattling" on me saying I scoled her and was being mean to her because I would not let her go out with him this weekend due to her mis behaving and not obeying our house rules. Well...Brandon (the boyfriend) Texts me and asks...in a repremaning way why are you mad at Shelby? I said Look...you have no right texting or sending me reprimanding and rude messages due to you being angry with me or my husband for restricting her due to her behavior. He said she did not do anything wrong Mrs. Edgley...I said look this is between my daughter and me and my husband (her dad).

Well, Shelby has been texting him "tattling" on me and crying oh help me Brandon...she is a bi$ch and u need to text her and etc etc... well..then my daughter pulled a cowardly lion act when I confronted her and said Shelby, you would not dare phone your boyfriend's mom if she grounded him and u would not reprimand her would u and she said no, but get over it okay mom..I said...it is not that easy for me to get over something like this. If you are going to tattle and whine to your man to text me nasty messages,then shelby u are at fault also.

What I am trying to ask all of you is...

What would any of you do in this situation if you were me?

Thank you som much for your honest opinions. Have a great weekend~

K. Edgley~

Answer 1

ground the daughter for one more time and make her do chores  

Answer 2

Do not ever engage this boyfriend in any conversation of any kind. You are defending yourself, and that is completely wrong. Block him, do not reply to anything. Your daughter needs her computer and cell phone taken away. If this boy contacts you, have your husband deal with it, as you are too "nice" to do it. This calls for someone who is intimidating.

Answer 3

You deffiantly need to ground her again for having bf text you that is disrespectful, but in my expericne with kids today they are just that way.

Answer 4

The first thing I would do is ..reevaluate if this boy is as nice as you thought... remember this is your daughter and you don't have to explain yourself to him or anyone else as to how and why you discipline her...it's always easy to be nice when everything is going your way but now that this bf is not getting his way , you may see his true colours...don't even waste any energy in replying to his txt messages..If it was my daughter and her bf behaved like this towards me ....it would be the first and the last time he ever did that to me . don't give in because these young people are trying to put you on a guilt trip..you are the adult and you know what you want from your daughter...don't give him a second thought and have no more communication with him. Someone needs to put some manners on him.  

Answer 5

Stick by your guns.  Don't let up on her.  In fact for the tattling and getting the boyfriend involved I would think about adding a few days or chores whichever works better in your house.  Watch her overnight to make sure he doesn't come over or she sneaks out.

Maybe you should take away her phone also, this will hit her where it hurts the most.  If you cut off contact with him for a day or two maybe she will get the picture.  You are in charge not her.  

You sound like great loving parents and she will not see that for years, right now you are the enemy and you are trying to kill her in her eyes.  I know I have an 18 yr old, who apparently knows all and my brain has turned to dust all the sudden.  They only love us when they need something.

You are doing the right thing, the boyfriend seems like a spoiled brat.  I was going to suggest alerting him mom about the texting thing but I doubt that would do any good.  Point out to her that he doesn't even know how to help out around the house, now what kind of long term boyfriend or hubby will he make down the road.  I know I wouldn't want my daughter with someone like that.  

Answer 6

This is coming from a 16 year old, and even I think that what they did was out of order. I would tell her boyfriend that while you do like him, and appriciate him wanting to stick up for her, it is very innapropriate when it comes to telling her parents off! Tell him he doesnt always know the full story, and it is a family matter, and that his girlfriends opinions is obviously going to be very biased, so he may not always know the full truth. I would then maybe make your daughters punishment slightly harsher, and tell her that you want family matters to be kept within the family. But try not to drag it on too much, she is your daughter after all, and you dont want to drive her away.

But yes, i totaly understand why you are angry.

Just read your EDIT. Again, he has no right questioning your parenting. He really needs to butt out. Askhim how his parents would like it if your daughter went doing this to them.

As for chores, i dont really have to do many. I think that if your child is at school and working hard, then they deserve time off. However, i think they do need to take responsibility for some things, like i mostly do my own hoovering. My mum tries to give me some space and let me do my room in my own time, but if like my sister, your daughter isnt someone who will respect this freedom, and just doesnt clean, then yeah i suppose you have no choice but to give it to her as a chore. As long as you arnt being too harsh with chores, then i thinkl its ok, and her boyfriend needs to mind his own buisness. He sounds like he is very used to getting his own way, and has been very spoiled.

Answer 7

Ok first I want to say you are absolutely right. She is your daughter and how you discipline her is none of her boyfriends business. You can block his number from your phone so that he can't text or call you but if you don't know how to do that you could just ignore him. You are the adult and you don't have to explain yourself to any stuck up rich kid. Ignore his texts no matter how insulting they are. Maybe you could ask him to come over and have your husband tell him not to text you anymore. If that doesn't work then you could take your daughters phone away and maybe ground her. No matter what you decide just remember... YOU ARE THE ADULT AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. And if all else fails just sink down to his level. Send him nasty insulting text messages at 12:00am.

p.s. I'm a kid too.

Answer 8

I would take away her cell phone while she is grounded as well as her computer if she has one. Why should she have the privilege of using technology when she is supposed to be grounded. Also it sounds like her actions are pretty immature, and maybe she isn't ready for a relationship. She is trying to get her boyfriend to do what she wants because she is too scared to come talk to you. If she is so scared to talk about chores or why she is getting grounded then she is still a child. I'm sure the boyfriend isn't using his brain either and just doing what your daughter wants to make her happy not caring about the conquenses. I am wondering if a phone call to his parents would do any good, maybe explain the situation and that you didn't think he would have behaved like this and that it really bothered you. I wouldn't say think "you have a bad son" just explain your disappointment. Any reasonable parent would fell upset of thier child behaving in a disrespectful way towards adults. These kids need to learn to respect thier elders no matter who they are. These teenage games are normal i think but i'd talk to your daughter as well that by doing what she is doing not only makes her boyfriend look bad to you but also makes her look bad and that you didn't raise her to be this disrespectful and if she has a problem with something in the family that she should come to you or your husband rather than acting like a 4 year old tattling on thier sibiling(s).  Also maybe you should call this boyfriend up and talk to him yourself, he is using text messages as a way to avoid a direct converstation.  I wouldn't back down on the ungrounding, he will have to find something else to do tomorrow.

Answer 9

Wow your daughter sounds annoying.

I wouldn't have let her have a boyfriend in the first place.

But what do I know I'm just a kid.

Answer 10

OK, what's going on here is that your step-daughter has enlisted her boyfriend in her attempts to manipulate you. This is very similar to what frequently goes on with kids who have divorced parents--they play one parent against the other. Like "Well DAD said I could go to the concert and stay out till 3am! You're mean!" etc. etc. I don't know if that ever went on in this girl's situation, but in any case, she's doing well with her imitation of it, now. So, yeah, I'd agree with what someone else here said--you don't need to engage in dialogue with the boyfriend at all. You're the parent, you are the one making the rules, and that's the end of that. Period. Don't get angry. Just be authoritative. And don't let them pull you down to their level!