Problem with my mam!!?someone help me?

Question

im nearly 18 and i had a big argument with my mam the other day because she says i am spending too much time with my boyfriend and not with my friends. she cut down my time with him to seeing him 2 evenings during the week and spend 2 nights with him at the weekend and i agreed to it but yesterday i txt her wen she was in a friends house to ask if i could go into town to meet with a friend and she said to her friend that i was only using that as an excuse to see my boyfriend and it wasnt. she keeps picking on me for everything and anything and giving out to me and about me behind my back. iv tried talking to her but she's still doing it. its really getting me down can someone give me some advice on what to do? i feel like she is trying to control my life but im not a child. help me please?!

Answer 1

Well what dya expect? Your mum wants you to do the best for yourself, and its not helping the situation by living with her still. You're almost 18, start planning about moving out. And also, you must tell your mum that you want to be serious with this lad, and so spending time together only bonds you even more. As long as you sit down and tell her how you feel everything will work out for the best. I know you may feel like you do not want to do this, but really what more can you do.

Answer 2

Try and explain this to her.

Also, you live in Ireland. I'm very familiar with Ireland (and England) law. You ARE age of consent and you ARE considered an adult. I'm not saying that you really are an adult, but legally you are considered and adult and should be able to make decisions for yourself. Since you still live with your "mam", you have to respect her and all. But legally she can't say when you do and don't see your boyfriend.

I have a question Lol How come some Irish people call their mom "mam" and some just say "mum"?

Answer 3

It will take some time to become independent, but that is what you are going to have to do if you want to have more control over your decisions.   So, focus your energy in moving in that direction.  Get a job.  Get a car, if you don't have one.   Save some money.    Browse through apartment rental ads so you can learn how much money is required to live on.  Create a sample budget that includes all your expenses, apartment, food, clothes, gas, cell phone, etc.  

Meanwhile, you are still dependent on your parents, and living in their house, so you will have to respect their wishes.

Answer 4

If you're not a child, get your own house.  You can do what the h**l you want then.

Answer 5

She is trying to help but you need to remind her that you are almost 18!!!!

Answer 6

Your grown, but are you paying rent. I live with family, but I help with the rent. If you are under her roof you have to kind of listen to her.

Answer 7

I also have the same problem the difference being I am 25yrs old and having a baby myself. Your mother will never see you as the independant lady you are and also she is jealous. I have a husband and we still live with my mother as I am an only child and she fears she will have no one. Your mother knows you are growing up but does not like to admit that she is not needed anymore......point out to her that it is her you turn to when things go wrong or the bf and you bicker. Make time for both people and also get them to know each other. I really do sympathise with you. If all else fails you may have to move out just think wisely x*x

Answer 8

This is a good time to learn an important lesson in life....

You cannot control what others do, only how you react to what they do.  

How I would react to this is to withdraw myself from her unless I need to talk to her.  You do need to follow her rules, but if you feel her rules are too harsh, and you've talked reasonably to her (or tried) and nothing is changing, start making plans to get out of the situation after you graduate.

Talk to your boyfriend and let him know what is going on with your mom and how you feel about him.  And tell him that you are working on getting the issue resolved.

My guess is that she got too serious too young with a man and it didn't work out... am I right?

Answer 9

move out, i did at 18, im ony 19 now. i love it and me and my mom get on so much better x

Answer 10

Unfortunately whilst you are under her roof, you will have to tolerate her rules - no matter how paranoid it might seem.  Just please remember she is doing this because she worries about you and loves you, and is trying to make sure you don't isolate yourself.

Once you move out, you are then free to live your life to your own rules.  If your boyfriend is a good one, he will be patient and wait for that freedom.  You're only 17 - you have a lot of life to come yet.

Answer 11

The only way you are spending too much time with your boyfriend is if you believe you are. Friends come and go just like boyfriends....