Problem with my stepdad...

Question

so when i was about 8 my parents went through a bitter divorce but i dont remember much of it because i blocked it out of my memory. then like not even a year later my mom suddenly told my sister brother and i that she was married and our new stepdad was moving in with us that next day! i still have trouble getting over that..anyways at first i liked my stepdad (he gave us each 500 dollars for our birthdays that first year...as a bribe i think) but i am now 15 and i seriously cant stand him anymore. i feel so terrible because he honestly is a nice guy and i dont want him dead or harmed or anything i just dont want him to be my stepdad.i dont want anyone to be my stepdad, i know i sound selfish but i dont..first of all..he is kind of crazy..he is bipolar and he like has a terrible memory and attention span..he always forgets me when hes supposed to pick me up somewhere, then he will make up some excuse to my mom and she believes him. and i feel like im losing my mom..i love her so much, we are like best friends..or we were. i know this sounds stupid but he totally hogs her! i mean i am at my real dads house half the week so my stepdad gets her all to himself the whole time..but thats not enough for him. sometimes he wont let me come in their room cuz he 'wants some time to spend with her' i cant even have ONE conversation with my own mom without him coming in the middle of it and literally start making out with her right in front of me..i want to cry just thinking about it. he never comes to family events and when my mom is at work (he doesnt work..hes on disability for his knee..) he just leaves all day and comes home when she does. my sister openly hates him but i think thats too mean..he likes my brother the best and always takes him out and lets him skip school to go out to like theme parks and things and i dont..not that id want to go with him anyway...my list of complaints is endless. the other night when i was supposed to be at my dads house i was at a movie and i got dropped off at my moms house because it was closer but i had forgotten to let them know i would be there that night. it was about 11 and i knocked on the door and my stepdad answered and i said hey sorry is it alright if i stay here tonight? (even though i didnt have to ask) and he actually wouldnt let me in MY OWN house until he woke up my mom and asked her if it was ok if i stayed there! he came back to the door and let me in and i went to my mom and apologized for waking her/being there and she assured me it was no problem and of course i could stay. and when i turn 18 he plans on moving with my mom out of state (to get away from us) which i know my mom would never do until he convinced her to. i know i should talk to my mom about these things and believe me i have tried! but she always defends my stepdad and it would break her heart to know i didnt like him..idk what to do can someone help me? i dont want to lose my mom..

thank you and sorry this is so long

Answer 1

you have to tell her how you feel. tell her that she cant just bring someone into her life that you and the rest of your family dont like. you could also tell her to read what you just wrote.

good luck

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Answer 2

alright. have the whole family who doesnt exactly 'like' you stepdad have a chat. talk about the problems your having and say what you think. tell them how your stepdad makes up excuses, convinces your mom things, and the many other things he does. maybe your mom will think about these things for awhile. talk about your side of things and tell her about everything your whole family feels. in the end, you will come to an agreement. hope i helped and thank you! ( :

Answer 3

wow thats the same exact thing thats happening to me!!!!! i never had anyone to go to about it either because no one knew what i was going through..................... what i do is ignore everyone untill my mom actually notices im upset then i tell her everything and she still doesnt believe me! i grow further and further apart from my mom every day because of him and i hate it!

Answer 4

This is tough as there are many factors here.  I would suggest a mediator type counselor for the entire family. The mediator would opening give the family some tools to work with and help with the lack of communication.  You need to vent but you need to vent in the proper way so it is productive and your views are laid out.  Speak with your high school counselor about numerous programs that are available at schools.  I am 53 and have my step dad in my life since I was 16.  My biological father died several years ago but he was was around.  At first I didn't want to understand but he is the greatest man, "dad" and "grandpa" to all of us. He taught me to drive, walked me down the aisle and has the priviledge to be the only grandpa the grandchildren will ever know.  So work it out, look at all the angles as a man like my step-dad could just be lurking there also just waiting to come out.

Answer 5

The writing is on the wall. You cannot compete with the step-dad, so you might as well make plans for yourself.

Talk to your dad about what you said here. At 15 you can determine which parent you want to stay with, so consider moving in with your real dad permanently. The judge will hear you and rewrite your custody arrangement accordingly, including taking away the child support money from your mom.

At 16 you can start working and saving money... please consider that possibility. You will need money for deposits and such. You can also start a "hope chest" of household items you will need when you move out. 3 years isn't very long, so you might as well make some real plans to launch.

Start checking into vocational education programs, both at your high school and at the local colleges. A lot of community colleges offer 2 year vocational programs to quick start you into a real career. Check into those, plus financial aid programs.  

Answer 6

just  tell  him