Problem with my toddler step brother and son?!?

Question

im 21 year old and have a 10 month old baby. i have a step brother who is just 3 and a half years old. problem is my step brother was the youngest member in the family until my son was born. after he was born(my son) people started to pet him a lot being the youngest member in the family which aroused a lot of hatred towards his nephew. he sometimes beats,pinches him hard. my step mom tells me dont be too harsh towards your brother because he might hit your son more as he'l show his anger to him..though we tell him sweetly he doesnt seem to understand a bit.i dunno what to do... any ideas are appreciated..!!

Answer 1

Your stepmother needs to be the one who corrects him.  You can certainly attempt to do it, but the mother or father is who should be correcting the child.  If he sees she does nothing when it happens, no matter what you do, he will think it's OK.  I would keep them separate as much as possible.  If you sometimes babysit, I would refuse until they start to correct the problem.  Of course, if you are still somewhat dependent on them, to watch your son, or help support you, you may have a problem.  You need to certainly tell your dad how you feel about it.

Answer 2

I agree with everything Charlie Girl says.  I'd only add that you may have to teach you little brother HOW to be with your baby.  Before he interacts with the baby, tell him to "use gentle hands". Then softly touch his cheek and repeat "gentle hands" a couple of times.  The SHOW him how you softly touch the baby while again saying, "gentle hands".  You'll probably have to do this regularly.  To help reinforce the message, take him to a pet store (or friend) and let him hold a kitten - first touching his cheek and saying "gentle hands".  When you're reading a book together, use the same thing.  When picking up a ladybug or ant - another good way of practising "gentle hands".

However, if your brother hits, pinches, or in any way hurts the baby (or anyone for that matter), he is old enough to learn that this is not acceptable and should be given time out immediately (one minute per year of age).  Hope this helps.

Answer 3

If you really want it to stop, tell your dad that he is not allowed to bring his son over to your house, and you will not bring the baby over for him to see if his son is there because of the hitting and pinching. Also let him know what his wife said about what to do about the problem.

That is unacceptable from both, your brother and step mother.

Answer 4

Its jealousy combined with normal behavior for a child that age. He has to be taught that he can't behave that way. Stay vigilant when they are together so you can intervene as soon as he starts getting violent.

Your step brother needs a lot of attention too. He is still very young. Make sure he gets attention and praise when both kids are together. In his mind this little begger came into his world and usurped his position as prince. He is feeling rejected and it hurts. He doesn't know any other way to deal with that.

Something very important is that he feels that he has a place in the baby's life. Hold him and talk to him about how he is such a big boy now and how great it is that he is big enough to help with the baby. Tell him that he can help take care of the baby and ask  him to do things for you like hand you a diaper, teach the baby to play gentle, etc. Let him know that you are so happy to have a big boy like him to help you take care of the little one. I think you get the idea. He needs to know he is special and can do things you appreciate that the baby just is too little to do.

If you used to take him places and do things with him before you had your son, leave your son with your step mother and take your step brother out so you can have special time with him without the baby needing your attention. He still needs you and needs to know the special bond you have is still there.